Engagement Pictures: Tips and more!

I am so beyond thrilled with how our engagement photos turned out! We had them taken on October 25th 2014. Surprisingly, it was about 75 degrees that day - which is extraordinarily warm for Indiana in late October. We were actually a bit over dressed for the weather (I was very hot and sweaty, there I said it). However the following Friday was Halloween and it SNOWED, so it just goes to show you how no one can "depend" on the weather. 

We hired our photographer all the way back in April of 2014. I had met her and her husband at a local bridal show my mother and I went to on a whim. Her personality and mine just clicked and I had a feeling she would be a great fit for us. I had already met with two previous photographers who just did not work out at all. I must admit I was a bit nervous about choosing a photographer because I did not want to pick someone who I felt was not on the same page as myself and my fiance. This was what led us to choose Krisandra Adams. I am not going to lie, I knew I was going to hire Krisandra from the moment I met her. She came across as fun, quirky, and confident. I also liked that she specialized in boudoir photography but did weddings as well. Why did this matter to me? The way I felt about it was if she was comfortable taking photographs of women in their most intimate state then I felt she could capture the honest emotion of our wedding. I also adore that her husband is her second wedding shooter and right hand assistant. 

Part of our wedding package included an engagement session. Deep down inside I wanted these engagement photos more than I can possibly describe. Prior to this photo session, every - single - picture of myself and my fiance together are of us in Halloween costumes or we are being silly. In other words, they are not pictures I can give to my family to have framed for the mantle. Our engagement session gave us 57 - yes 57 amazing pictures of the two of us being "us". 

I know a lot of couples like to have multiple wardrobe changes for their engagement, shoot but for us this made zero sense. I mean think about it; wouldn't you agree that it looks "off" when you see a couple very dressed up standing in the middle of a field? This does not happen naturally so it just ends up looking like you got lost on the way to dinner. We had a discussion of what "kinds" of photos we would want taken. I provided three options: We could do a really dressed up shoot but have them taken at the theater or a museum - something appropriate for "fancy" attire. We could go casual and have them taken at the park where we spend most of our time. Or, we could go 100% hockey fanatic and have pics taken at the ice rink ON the ice. We decided the park setting would best represent us and be the nicest setting for the photographs.

Given our choice of having the photos taken at Mounds Park we mutually decided to wear something we would normally wear if we went hiking. I told my fiance that I was going to wear jeans but it was NOT decided that we would both be wearing plaid shirts. This happened by chance and I am really glad it did. Wearing plaid allowed us to be "casual" without going too casual, but most importantly we did not look out of place in our natural setting. This was extremely important because as you can see, we were photographed standing in a wet area and sitting on rough surfaces - if I had been in a dress and heels we would have had many photo opportunities lost. Keep in mind your photographer might have you sit on wood or rocks or lean up against something rough like bricks, so make sure you are mindful not to wear something that will easily snag. You also might be asked to straddle something or lay on a bench which might be awkward if you are in a short skirt.

We did bring one change of shirts - we brought our personalized hockey jerseys. I asked my fiance if he wanted to do this for the sake of having save the date cards made - it would have both our names on it and be "cute". Well of course he was on board and already knew he was going to wear his Canadiens jersey...As it turned out we received several GREAT pictures of us in our jerseys even though it looked a bit "out of place" for the setting.

Aside from me taking off my vest for the last 10 or so pictures we did not complicate things by using props, changing clothes, or being in a setting where we would have to wait for the "right moment" to have a photograph taken. Given my experience I will offer a few tips for other brides to be to ponder if they are considering an engagement session.

1.) I think if it is offered, you should absolutely do an engagement session. It is not just about having pictures to give to family (even though that is always nice) it is about having that crucial "trial run" with your photographer so you can iron out any questions or concerns. It also gives you an idea of how you will look in pictures using the methods your photographer will choose - not all photographers use the same techniques or even editing styles. 

2.) It will be awkward. Having someone tell you to pose or be candid is weird - bottom line. Having someone tell you to "kiss and hold the pose" will make you laugh. We have several amazing pictures of us laughing at each other trying to look "lovey" while struggling to not to fall off slippery rocks into the creek below. That being said, just roll with it. Digital cameras allow photographers to take a zillion pictures so who cares if they get a couple of "duds" or funny faces.

3.) Wear clothing you are comfortable in and shoes conducive for the terrain. My fiance had mesh topped shoes on and his feet got wet when we took pictures near the water. My boots were leather - and yes my feet were a bit wet as well. However, that is much better than trying to walk across wet rocks in pumps and dress shoes. We also ended up walking about half of the main trail to "follow the sun" and get the best pictures. I feel like my feet would have been near death if I had worn heels. If it looks like it might rain, purchase an umbrella just in case. The same holds true for jackets and sweaters; if it is cold you don't necessarily need to look bundled up at all times. Take a coat that you can wear between location shoots. I had on a leather vest that had to come off by the end of the shoot because I was so hot.

4.) Take a hairbrush and your makeup kit with you. I did not do this and I really wish I had. My hair is naturally very thin and wispy. It was so humid that day my hair just went everywhere about half way through the shoot. Furthermore I started the shoot out wearing a pink lip gloss. It gave me the perfect amount of color without overdoing it. But again, half way through the shoot it had faded and I looked washed out n a few photos. This can of course be corrected with photo editing software, but I was bummed that I looked so pale in a few great pictures. I was very pleased that I splurged and used L'Oreal Face Primer for the first time. I did not have to mess with my foundation or anything the whole shoot and we were out in the woods for almost 2 hours. Just a little bit of that stuff went a long way and it really did give me a "flawless" finish. I also felt like powder set better as well. I would use the product again. 

5.) In speaking of makeup, be mindful of the colors you choose. I have dark brown eyes so I usually have some wild color of eyeshadow on - green, blue, purple, two sometimes three colors. Yea. I wore my "usual" bright green eyeshadow and damn, it is green. Just - so - green. After I saw the pictures I thought to myself that it looked really out of place because it was "too done". It would have been okay if I was in a black cocktail dress but not walking in the park. I should have gone with a shimmery champagne or light brown to "match" the setting. Like I said before, this was a great trial run for me and at least now I know for the wedding I will need to go neutral with the eye, use fake lashes for subtle drama instead, and go with a long lasting lip stain instead of a gloss. I would not have been aware of any of this if I had not seen it in my engagement pictures. My fiance obviously did not have this problem - he wore a blue shirt to match his blue eyes and he looks great in all the pictures :)

6.) Do not be afraid to suggest a pose or ask your photographer to take a picture of something specific if it means something to you. My fiance and I have a habit of patting each other on the rear and making a joke on how it "ranks" with other pats. So, I asked our photographer to take a picture of us with his hand on my bum. I love the picture because you can see my ring, and it is a cute pic without being too crass. 

7.) Do not rely on, fret about, or go overboard on props. I know right now props are very popular: The Mr. and Mrs. signs, the metal or wood "&" sign, balloons, various banners with dates, chalkboard anything, pennants, etc. It seems like every engagement picture I have seen in the last three years features some kind of prop. I too was initially on board with props but I changed my mind. I was dead set on having something with our wedding date on it but I decided against it just in case for some reason we would need to change the date of our wedding or something in the future. After all, we had our engagement photos taken almost a year before the wedding. Additionally, the props will change in style or go away all together in the future - they are a fad - and fads ultimately date photographs. The same holds true for "themed photo shoots" (Great Gatsby anyone?) so I wanted something more timeless. 

8.) Be prepared if something weird happens. You might be wondering what this could possibly entail. Well...when we were having our pictures taken down by the water a group of women must have thought we were celebrities. As we were leaning on a tree trying not to fall into the White River, a group of three women stopped on the trail, pulled out their phones, and began recording us and taking pictures. They stood there for almost 10 minutes. It was so bizarre the photographer commented that she has never had this happen before. I am not suggesting something like this is common but be prepared to be approached by animals, get pooped on by a bird, step in mud up to your calf, have to wait for people to move or pass to get a shot in a "high traffic area", have people ask you what you are doing, etc. 

9.) Most importantly, have fun! Even if you are nervous, feel awkward, or have never had professional pictures taken before do not let your insecurities get the best of you in photos because it will show if you do. This can be combated by possibly doing a trial run with your fiance at home in your living room to get an idea of how you can pose together, try to mimic a picture you found on Pinterest, and do not make any "major changes" or wear uncomfortable clothes. If you do not usually wear a lot of makeup, do not go overboard. I say this because you will worry about how it looks the whole time and ultimately you will not look like yourself if you never wear makeup otherwise. You do not want to be unrecognizable in your own engagement photographs! I would also suggest wearing something you already own and you know you look good wearing. You don't want to buy a new blouse only to find out after the fact you can see through it when it is photographed or buy a sweater and wear the wrong bra that ends up showing a bunch lumps you never knew existed.

Find Your Seat! Wedding Escort Cards or Seating Charts

ZMC Designs

My mother and I ran down to our venue yesterday on a whim to sneak a peak at what it looks like in summer. When my fiance and I booked the venue, there was still snow on the ground and it was hard to truly envision how it would look. We assumed the venue would be vacant since it was a Friday morning, but they were actually setting up for a wedding that night! This was actually a blessing in disguise because we were able to see the grounds with chairs and tables set up.

I pleasantly found we going to have a lot more room than I anticipated AND they have 18 tables instead of the 16 I was originally told (does happy dance inside). On our way home we got to talking about seating and the flow of the reception. I absolutely want the reception to have a flow and make sure that people are not confused about where they sit. For this reason I think we need escort cards.

Wedding Bee

Even with the discovery that we will have two extra tables and potential seating for 16 more people, I really think we might fill the venue to near capacity. Because of this I want guests to make sure they know where they will be seated after the ceremony. This is something that will not be easy for us given the layout of the venue.

We are essentially getting married in the back yard of a historic house with the reception taking place in the courtyard. My idea is that I want people to be "coaxed" into walking into the front door of the home where they will pass through the living room. My intent is to set up a gift table in this room and have the escort cards next to the guest book. I hope - hope - people will understand that they are supposed to pick up their card on the way to the ceremony....my mom thinks this will never happen in a million years.

Wedding Bee

I can only recall one wedding I attended that had a plated meal. In reality, the only reason you need an escort system is if you are serving a plated meal where people got to choose their entree. All other weddings I have been to had a buffet and people got to sit where they wanted. This would not be an issue for us either if I did not feel like we would need every single seat. Now, I have been to weddings that were filled to capacity and had no seating system - and it was a huge flipping nightmare.

What happens is a large group of people will want to sit together and just start grabbing chairs. Guests really will look at a table for 8 and decide on their own that they think they can cram 12 people at that table. Of course they will "steal" 4 chairs from other tables to make this happen. People who do not know each other will not sit together - they just won't - so more chairs will get moved and eventually you will end up with people who will claim "they cannot find a seat". This is the last dilemma I want to happen at my reception. Luckily, there are a few ways to inform or show guests where they are supposed to sit and each have their pros and cons.

Southern Weddings

Use a Favor as an Escort Card:

This is my favorite way of delivering an escort card because it kills two birds with one stone. You can set up a table next to your guest book with your favors and have a tag attached with a guests name and their table number. BUT - in order for this to work you MUST have a sign that lets people know "Hey, this is your favor BUT IT ALSO HAS A NAME ON IT." You know people will just absentmindedly grab a favor and not even look to see if there is a name on it until it is too late. If this happens, there is absolutely no going back and people will have to find their own seats. If great aunt Ethel has the favor/card for my father in law's cousin, there is no way on earth they will figure out who is who. I am leaning towards this approach myself but I will have a HUGE sign that says "Take a treat to find your seat!"

El Brooklyn Taco

Use Tented or Pick Style Escort Cards

Typical run of the mill escort cards are just folded pieces of paper that form a tent so they sit upright on a table. These are a nice option because you can DIY these yourself since most come on punch-out sheets that can be fed into a printer. Be weary of fancy fonts however because sometimes they can be very difficult to read. This can be especially bad if you have a family where there are several people with the same name.

These are also pretty simple to display on a table but PLEASE make it easy for guests and group them by table number. If you want three sets of your aunts and uncles to be seated at the same table, make it easy and group their cards together. This will help people move more quickly to get them to their seats. Make sure if you use simple tented cards that they are NOT left outdoors - the slightest breeze will send them sailing.

You can also attach a small piece of paper with a pick to something that is not a favor - such as a pumpkin, bubbles or a sparkler to be used at the end of the night, a small bag of candy, a cupcake, etc. I would shy away from anything that can be eaten and make a mess like a clementine orange or a frosted cupcake. If your guests get to the table and open an orange they will probably just leave the peels on the table - same goes for wrappers. Keep this in mind given that trash cans might not be put out until dinner is served.

Once Wed

Escort Cards at EACH Place Setting

Okay, I will admit it - I hate this method of letting people know where they are to be seated. Unless you are having a small wedding, it is really annoying as a guest to wander aimlessly from table to table trying to find your seat. This is made even worse if you as a bride think it will be *nice* to seat random people together. I was at a very large wedding once and I was seated with 10 people I did not know. I was not very familiar with the other guests either so it was not like I could ask someone if they saw my name. It took me over 15 minutes in a crowded dining hall to find my seat. So, unless you are having a 50 guest or under affair, I would not use this escort card method.

Planning Bio

Using Trees, Hooks, Shutters for the Cards

Instead of using something you can pick up from a table, some brides are hitting up Pinterest for cutesie ways of displaying their cards. You can tie the cards to a large tree and let guests hunt for their name, put keys on hooks on an old door, or tie luggage tags to chicken wire inside the frame. While these are all cute ideas and would look adorable in pictures, none of these methods are very practical.

If you use a large tree you are going to have guests looking at every single card for the one with their name. Keys on hooks look whimsical and vintage, but you will have guests removing every key until they find their own and they will absolutely leave the rest on the table. It will look junky and disorganized in no time. The same will happen with luggage tags - they will fall on the floor and get lost and you will end up with a few guests having no idea which table they are looking for.

I have also seen several posts about brides using wire with clips - one bump and every one of them will tumble to the floor. One post I read a guest pulled a whole bulletin board over on themselves when they tried to yank their card from it without removing the tack. The tree idea is cute until you get cards that are stuck on the branches and they have to be broken or torn to remove. You get the picture. Some things look better in an editorial setting than when used in real life.

Virtue Event Planning

Seating Charts

Another popular method is to whip up a seating chart. Have one large chart that features table numbers and the corresponding names. Notice I said a LARGE CHART. If you use this method, you need to make that baby big enough and high enough so that many guests can see it at once. You do not want a cue line a mile long with guests waiting to figure out their seat because they cannot see it from afar. You will also run into the problem of people who will see their name, walk away, and then forget their table number. This happens more often than you think (was I at table 16 or 18...hummm?). If you opt to use names for your tables instead of numbers (movie names, park names, sport's teams, etc.) you might want to avoid the use of a chart for the same reason - people will forget once they walk away and will need to return to the chart.

Etsy

Let People Sit Where They Want

In a perfect world guests from both sides of the family would all mingle and love to chit-chat like they were not complete strangers. In the real world - this - does - not - happen. People really dislike being stuck with people they do not know. Because of this, you will have people make a mad dash to the tables to stake their claim and you will end up with several people who then cannot sit together. To be blunt, this pisses people off because no one wants to be stuck at a table with "randoms".

If your venue is large enough that you will have extra tables or extra places to sit, then really you do not need to bother with a seating chart. A prime example of this is if you are getting married in a park and guests will need to sit at picnic tables, you will not need a chart for that. You will also not need a chart if you have seating set up for 140 guests but you know only 110 will show up. All inclusive venues will typically set up extra tables for this reason. On the other hand if you are like me and already know you will likely fill every seat for dinner, you best have a chart or card system to make sure everyone has a seat.

Oh, and don't worry if you feel your aunt will get fussy if she is seated with her sister, or if divorced parents need to share a table. They are only going to be "confined" to that seat for the purpose of dinner then they can get up and move elsewhere or go to the dance floor. I think a lot of brides forget about this when they start to fret about who gets to sit with who.

The Knot

What I think I will end up doing is set up a table with bagged cookies and use them as favor/escort card combinations. I like the idea of having something guests can take to their seat and have a "sweet" during cocktail hour. They can of course save it for later since we will have appetizers, but I like the use of something perishable over a trinket. This will also eliminate the need to put favors at each place setting and it will keep the table clean so I can showcase my centerpieces.

The bottom line is make sure you have a plan in place once you get your final counts in for guests. I would not recommend doing seating arrangements early because you really never know how many people will RSVP. Also keep in mind you will need to allow for a few extra seats for anyone who shows up and did not RSVP. Even if you think this will never happen in a million years, it does happen at most weddings.

Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.

The Burlap Bride - Websites have RUINED Everything Unique about Weddings

Vintage Bliss Wedding

"Your wedding is going to look like a ridiculous yard sale!" My mother said this to me when I squealed with delight the day I found an old, beat up Pepsi cooler that I wanted to purchase to use as an ice chest for drinks at my wedding. It was banged up and really gross, but I was convinced I could turn it into a "cool element" at my wedding. My mom just looked at me like I was nuts and rolled her eyes as if I had lost my mind.

At the time, we were planning a simple back yard wedding without frills. The ice chest I found would have been an alternative to the run of the mill galvanized aluminum buckets you see on ALL the Pinterest pins. I guess I wanted something different that was not cliche, would be durable, and work for an outside wedding. While the internet is great for inspiration, I really do think it has ruined everything unique about weddings. It seems as though every time someone mentions a "theme wedding" all you hear are moans and groans about "how overdone it is" or that everyone has seen it before. And well, that is because we have - on Pinterest.

The more I thought about it the more I began re-thinking my "theme". Originally I wanted to do the lace/burlap/mason jar thing. I wanted my wedding to be more or less a slightly upper scale backyard barbeque. This is what I felt would be the most comfortable for my guests - because really most people hate having to get dressed up to go to a fancy wedding and are thrilled when you say it will be "casual" and jean friendly. So, off to Pinterest I went. Within no time I had amassed a board of 300+ pins featuring barns, mason jars, and whiskey barrel tables. When we initially thought we were going to have our wedding this year, we even visited a barn venue that ended up being a let down. I guess I wanted something different than a country club or a fancy place where people would feel uncomfortable. But was a barn really appropriate for us? Well, no, not really.

A Marriage of Passion and Style

My fiance was raised on a farm...but I do not think I have ever set foot in a barn other than to rummage for junk at an auction. At least a barn provides a shelter for tables in most cases - but they are really small and not very elegant when you actually look at them. But oh, the pictures! You know? The ones taken in October in the Midwest with the cafe lighted barn, and guests making toasts with mason jars, and the bride is in a lace mermaid gown, and there is a tire swing somewhere? For some reason, that was the vision of what I wanted at my wedding. I guess it was my way of having the elegance of lace with the rustic utilitarian aspect of burlap to create something "neutral"...but that is really not me. I am vintage quirky and will take a rainbow of colors over something neutral any day. My fiance and I are also the rugged outdoorsy type - as in we love to hike and experience nature. Something that we both are definitely NOT are "county people" - we do not ride horses, hunt, or go to the rodeo. On the other hand a barn venue would have provided an outdoor element - which is really more of what I was wanting the barn for. I guess I did not want to be "obvious" with my wedding theme or have people "just know" what I was going to do in terms of a theme before we even sent out invitations. At the same time, I did not want people to think we were having a hoe-down if we announced the reception would be taking place in a barn...

Polka Dot Bride

I must admit I was a bit irked in the beginning when I started telling friends and family members about my engagement and they automatically assumed I would be doing a "vintage theme" since I am a vintage dealer. For one, I really do not know what a "vintage theme" is. I certainly know what vintage items are because I sell them for a living - but did they think I would be going full blown 1890's Victorian, 1920's deco flapper, 1950's rockabilly, 1960's hippie? I do in fact love various elements of all these eras. But kind of like the decor in my house - "eclectic" is the term I prefer - choosing just one would be very hard for me. Furthermore, if you as a bride pick something very specific like 1920's speakeasy, you are extremely limited on various design elements you can use, otherwise it will look out of place. This can get quite costly very quickly because it would look odd if you were wearing a Mori Lee beaded sheath dress and your bridesmaids are in modern cocktail dresses. So, they would also have to get beaded gowns or something with feathers and fringe.

I personally take particular issue to some of these "extreme theme" weddings because they tend to look like costume parties or Halloween (think Great Gastby or Lord of the Rings). Additionally, for whatever reason the term "vintage theme" initially gets thrown into the same lot as rustic and shabby chic and if not, it leaves guests thinking they have to "dress a certain part" when they attend. I certainly did not want to declare we are having a "vintage theme" (era specific or not) and suddenly get a flood of calls from people asking if they have to wear zoot suits and fedoras or pearls and furs. Again, this was another reason why I thought the lace & burlap thing would work better...At the same time, this is yet another major drawback of utilizing a theme in your wedding.

Estate Weddings and Events

After the bummer at the barn venue and some other setbacks, we decided to push the wedding to next year. Honestly, I was feeling way overwhelmed with the whole planning process. However, before we made this decision I did find my wedding dress. It was nothing like I originally thought I wanted. I did have an ivory lace mermaid dress is mind and I tried one on, but I really could not justify spending $1000 on a dress. So, instead I kept with my frugal ways and found a really different, pre-owned, satin dress with TONS of STUFF. I love "stuff" and the dress I found has it all. It is two different colors, it has off the shoulder sleeves, it has rosettes, it has lace, it has appliques, it has pearls, it has rhinestones, it has EVERYTHING - in other words, it is totally me! It was at this time that I decided I needed to make my "theme" what I wanted and what "fit" us, and not based exclusively on something I saw online. I also decided that I no longer wanted to stick to something super specific so I could have the freedom to add elements without them looking out of place.

Wedding Bee

I was just curious as to what other brides-to-be actually thought of wedding trends and themes to see what they were personally sick of seeing or hearing about others doing, so I asked on Wedding Wire. The number one thing they said they were sick of was the rustic/mason jar trend - the "burlap bride". Brides seemingly are now totally disgusted by hay-bale seating, manure caked cowboy boots with a $2500 lace gown, chalk boards, wash tubs for drinks, hydrangeas and baby's breath, cutesie signs, and the aforementioned mason jars and burlap. They are also so over "random furniture" sitting out in fields with non-wedding related stuff on them or "shabby chic" because it looks like a flea market and not a wedding.

After I thought about it, it really does not make any sense to have a "display" of junk out on a table for your guest book. Why will a simple desk and a chair with a flower arrangement not suffice? Why is it necessary to stack classic novels 5 high with a dusty, old typewriter on top with a cutesie note that says to write something for the couple and have a top hat hanging on the chair-back? Well the latter is because someone saw it in an editorial photo shoot, it ended up on Pinterest, and brides thought it was "so cute" they had to have it for themselves. Guests however are likely going to say one of two things when they see this -"I don't get it" or "OMG I saw that on Pinterest, too!" In other words, no one will think you are clever, they will just sigh because they have seen it before and it makes no sense for the couple to have that particular element in their wedding.

Perfect Pear Bridal

The brides I asked on Wedding Wire were also so sick of looking at other specific "trendy" elements as well. Some of these were: Peacock/Mardi Gras, Damask when it does not fit the venue, nautical or beach themes in places like Oklahoma, candy bars, mustaches, chevron, putting signs on ring bearers and flower girls as if no one knows their role in the wedding already, weird food trucks when there is a plated meal, and signature drinks. Brides are even "over" older traditions like bouquet/garter toss and head tables. This however probably has more to do with the fact that the average bride and groom are nearly 30 when they wed and will either have no single friends and/or will have married friends who do not want to be packed into a head table in attendance.

Another reason why I think cliched themes are getting out of hand is commercial availability. Hobby Lobby for example has specific sections in the wedding aisles for burlap/rustic, peacock/masquerade, glam/deco, and so on. We also noticed that most of the local barn venues are offering in-house rentals of mason jars, mismatched plates, doilies, ecru linen tablecloths, etc. While this might be a dream come true for some brides, others might feel compelled to give in and use what is available for ease even if it was not what they had in mind. I mean if you think about it, I bet there are a lot of brides like me who wanted a barn venue for the unique space and outdoor possibilities and not necessarily because they wanted a "rustic" themed wedding. On a side note, I also wanted a barn because they are much more private than a park. It is very difficult to find a private venue that is not a barn actually.

It did seem that the rejection of of cliched/tired/used themes came about more recently according to a vendor I spoke with at a bridal show. I was also told that more brides are going modern and/or glam - with one or two colors and minimal decorations. In other words, brides are going back to simply choosing an accent color and NOT having a designated theme. One vendor attributed this to the fact that when some brides go with a "Pinterest-y" theme, the theme is literally represented EVERYWHERE. Nothing is seemingly subtle anymore, and this began to bother numerous brides. An example of "over theme-ing" would be if you used chevron as your main design element - and you proceeded to use a chevron aisle runner, straws, table cloths, favors, silverware wraps, cake, place mats, ribbon, etc. A color bomb is another - you do not need your bridesmaids to be in pink gowns, have the groomsmen wear pink vests, while you all hold/are wearing pink flowers, and your tables have pink centerpieces, pink overlays, pink napkins...you get the idea.

The Manor Restaurant

After being disappointed with some of the venues we looked at, I began leaning towards having the wedding in a park. This was initially what I wanted, but there are so many drawbacks to most parks that I did not think it would be feasible. Parks, nature, and hiking best represent who me and my fiance are as a couple - and it would get us out of using a specific theme. However I did understand that if we could not find a suitable park venue, we would have to tweak our design elements to whatever venue we came up with. I must admit it does bother me when I see weddings held in fancy, historic homes and the "theme" is carnival fun house or Star Wars. Luckily we found the most perfect venue I could have ever hoped to find (I am waiting until spring so I can take a zillion pictures and do a massive write up about it, that is how much I love the venue). The venue I found has a historic home, a covered patio, a garden, hiking, and more. So, given our good fortune of finding this epic venue we are doing an outdoorsy non-theme theme. If that makes sense.

Woodsy Weddings

Basically, we will be using elements of nature in our tables and decor. Most of this is going to be free or very low cost. I still have to buy linens - which will probably be green or ivory, but other than things like vases and flowers, the decor will be provided by nature. This will give us as a couple the flexibility to add other elements that would not really fit other themey-themes if we wish without it looking out of place. For example, I can add some vintage elements without it coming across as "shabby chic or rustic", my fiance and groomsmen can be casual or super formal without it looking out of place (you hardly ever see photos of a groom in a black tux at a rustic wedding), and we do not have to make the whole wedding totally formal or completely casual either. I do not want to go so far as saying we will have a "woodland" theme because I think a lot of people think of fairies and elves in a shire when they hear that term. 

Now that we (well me, I have spearheaded this whole "design element" of the wedding) have simplified things, I have found that we will be saving money by not having to buy mason jars, burlap for runners (no runners at all now), lanterns, "treat bar" items (we will give goodie bags as favors instead), non-edible favors, theme specific invitations, and so on. I still think I might make my own silverware pouches and/or sashes for the chairs since the dining chairs will be used outside at the ceremony. But, if I do this I will know I can immediately re-sell them after the wedding probably at a profit. Maybe for modern brides, having a no-theme theme is the way to go. I am still a little sad I did not buy that vintage Pepsi cooler for my drink tub though...

Etsy and Twitter

My sales have picked up recently on Etsy so I decided to try and put more effort into my social media marketing. I have had a Facebook page for Gray Cat Vintage since 2010, but I never really used it and no one ever visited it aside from family. I guess I really did not know what I was supposed to do to generate interest in the page. Fast forward to now. Last year or the year before I got on Pinterest. I have several boards with many followers, but my most successful board is for Gardening and Outdoor Ideas. Since people were looking at my pins, I also made a board for my Ebay and Etsy sales - to which I immediately had people "following" that board. 

Why was this successful and the Facebook page was not? Since I do not post EVERYTHING I sell on Pinterest, it is not flooded with stuff. I pick the "highlights" of my listings and include those. I think that the "less is more" idea was more favorable than just linking a zillion listings to Facebook - which was what I did in the beginning and no one ever visited the page. Now, I update the Facebook page with "news" including recent listings, updates on sales, popular items, etc. and I have found a few more people following the page. 

The biggest difference however has been that my Facebook page is linked to Etsy. See, Ebay does not really allow you to do this. Yes, you can link Ebay with Facebook but it will upload things automatically and self promote Ebay on your page which is not something I really cared to do. Etsy simply provides a link from my shop page directly to Facebook. Super easy - no hassle. Because of this, I also obtained a Twitter account in case in the future I want to promote sales or special deals.

In case anyone wants to visit my:
Pinterest page is here.
Etsy is here.
Facebook is here.
Twitter is here.
Ebay is here.