Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.