Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.

Being a Bridesmaid or Maid of Honor - The Money Pit

The Offbeat Bride

So you have just been asked by one of your besites to be a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor. Now, what do you do? Where do you begin? And ultimately, how much is this going to set you back financially? The reality is being a Maid of Honor or a bridesmaid will seem like a never ending money pit to many unsuspecting ladies.

I have never had the pleasure of being a bridesmaid myself. I have been to many weddings, but the truth is I do not have a lot of close female friends. Because of this, I really had no idea what a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor was supposed to do, what she was supposed to pay for, arrange, etc. So, off to the internet I went. I HAD NO IDEA it was SO EXPENSIVE to be a bridesmaid! It is even more expensive to be a Maid of Honor. I was shocked actually given that a large number of bridesmaids are in their early 20s and probably cannot afford much. According to a survey on Blue Nile, each bridesmaid is expected to spend roughly $1500 on all the things she is supposed to buy or attend in preparation for the wedding...that is more than what we are going to spend on catering for 150 people...

So why is this total so high? I thought all they had to do was buy a dress and shoes and arrange a bachelorette party? Nope! That is not even the tip of the iceberg. In fact, I think that if being asked to be a bridesmaid was not initially met with excitement and the squealing of "YES!" a lot of women would decline. This is also why I think it is very common for spats and disagreements to erupt within the bridal party over seemingly small issues. Being a bridesmaid or a Maid of Honor is a lot of work and a lot of money.

Hostess with the Mostess

So what exactly are the bridesmaids paying for?

First off, you as a bridesmaid will probably send a card to the bride-to-be congratulating her on her engagement, maybe you will take the bride out to lunch. But wait, there is more! Typically hosted by the bride's mother, the 2B's might have an engagement party. Engagement parties can also be hosted by the newly engaged as a means of getting everyone together for an informal dinner or BBQ as a meet and greet and to chat it up about the wedding. Regardless, bridesmaids will be invited and etiquette will dictate that they bring a gift.

Why? I am not really sure exactly because engagement parties are not something people do where I live and I have never been to one. However, if a bride announces she is having an engagement party she might already have a registry started. As a guest and a bridesmaid you might want to pick up *something* to bring - or offer to make a dessert or bring a bottle of grocery wine. Engagement parties are typically the only thing a Maid of Honor is NOT supposed to take the reigns on in terms of pre-wedding parties and things for the bride. They along with the other bridesmaids are just supposed to attend.

Wed Savvy

As a bridesmaid you will also want to start scouring the bride's gift registry. The Maid of Honor and bridesmaids along with the mother of the bride and the groom often help with setting up registries as well. I would suggest you start shopping for the wedding gift as soon as possible so you do not get stuck with a big ticket item or weird/random odds and ends left on the list. I was a procrastinator at a few weddings I attended where I ended up buying random bathroom whatnot's because nothing else was available for what I could spend. As a bridesmaid, you DO NOT want to end up gifting the wimpiest thing on the registry. NOR are you expected to foot the bill for a $500 pot & pan set or a Dyson.

As a BM also might want to get with other bridesmaids and see if you want to all pitch in and get a "big gift". The Maid of Honor might suggest this as well and if that is the case, she will be in charge of pooling the money and ultimately buying the large gift. At any rate, the sooner you get on gift detail for the wedding the better. Additionally, the Maid of Honor is supposed to be the one to spread the word on where you are registered for gifts. Bridesmaids are supposed to know as well so they can give correct information if asked. Around here, it is common to get a card inside the invitation with registry information - apparently this is a HUGE NO-NO, so don't do it! Have your MoH or mom tell people what you want, or have it on your wedding website.

United With Love

About 4-5 months out from the wedding you will be tasked with going to look for a bridesmaid dress. This will likely be your biggest expense as a bridesmaid and generally the most problematic. While there is no real average for the cost of a dress since you can get one from a bridal shop, online, or at a department store, according to a forum on The Knot it seems most dresses purchased from bridal/prom shops ended up being about $150. When I got a few quotes for simple, modern styles, the ones I looked at were about $170. Bridesmaids are expected to buy their own dress and even if it is heinous, if it is what the bride wants, so it be. No matter what you end up buying as a bridesmaid, you probably will not ever wear it again after the wedding.

A respectful bride will ask her girls what they are comfortable spending, but keep in mind you are not just stopping at the dress. You might need to pay for alterations and accessories like sashes, bows, or hair decorations. The bride also might require you to buy certain matching shoes. So, suddenly your $150 dress might become a $350 outfit with all included accessories. Most brides will give day of jewelry to her bridal party in their gift at the rehearsal dinner, but if not you might be required to buy pearls or other matching bauble. You also might need to buy a new strapless bra or Spanx, so these are yet more expenses to tack onto the initial cost of the dress.

Bridal Shower Invitation Wording

Just as you are recuperating from dropping a heavy dime on a butt-ugly acetate gown, before you know it you will be ready to attend a bridal shower - and yes, bring another gift. This is even more of a financial burden for a Maid of Honor because traditionally, she is the one footing the bill for the majority of this event! A MoH will typically dictate if she wants a particular bridesmaid to buy a cake, or get appetizers for this to lessen the financial burden. Now, times have changed and now a days mothers of the bride and future mother in laws are also known to host showers - but Maids of Honor are really supposed to host a party as well. They can be as simple as a tea or luncheon at the Maid of Honor's home, or even at a small cafe. Or, they can be so large an involved that it requires the rental of a room or event space, complete with catering, cake, refreshments, and games with prizes.

Some bridal showers are also very formal, so you might need to buy a new sundress or something appropriate (most brides will wear a cute, white dress to the event herself). Remember when I said you should get on gift detail early? Well depending on how much stuff the bride has on her registry, bank on her getting half of it at her shower. I was not aware of this until I started researching registries and what to put on them. If you ever noticed, usually after the first bridal shower the bride will suddenly add a bunch of random and higher priced items to her registry. Well, that is because the whole line of kitchen goods she added to her Target registry will be decimated  for her shower.

If you are the host/Maid of Honor, it is YOUR JOB to make sure EVERYTHING is taken care of at the bridal shower! You will need to send out invitations, create to-do lists, get with the bride to update her registry, order cakes and food, schedule the procession of events (A sit down meal? Opening of gifts? Will the groom show up later? Serving alcohol and mixing drinks? Playing games?), write down the names of who gave what gift, and so on. It is common to get with the mother of the bride for help with this as well.

Mink Cards

The next item on the event and expense list is the bachelorette party! This is usually the most fun event the bride and her girls will participate in...but unlike a shower each bridesmaid is not only supposed to pay their own way, but pay for the bride as well. Not all bachelorette parties involve booking flights to Vegas and staying in five-star hotel rooms but that does not mean they are "cheap events". Again, the Maid of Honor is almost always the person in charge of planning and booking everything. She will send out invitations, get the bride's measurements for lingerie, create a party theme, buy favors, arrange for certain outfits or custom shirts to be worn, make travel arrangements such as a taxi or limo service, etc.

Not all brides are into the club scene however and may prefer something more modest like high tea or a luncheon followed by a spa day or staying at a resort or cabin together. No matter what the Maid of Honor decides, she is going to be the one saddled with almost the entire expense with the bridesmaids each chipping in to pay for the bride. In the event of a shared hotel room or limo, each bridesmaid is also expected to pony up - the same holds true for meals. The Maid of Honor will typically dictate to each bridesmaid what they are expected to pay for or do for the bachelorette party. If you are staying the night together somewhere, unless you are totally plastered from drinking and dancing, usually this is time for games and late night eats followed by brunch and mimosas the following morning.

Wedding Salon

So it is the night before the big day and you FINALLY have something to attend that is wedding related where you do not have to do anything - the rehearsal dinner! But wait, you might have to do something after all... Typically, the grooms family pays for the whole dinner. As a bridesmaid you are just supposed to show up and eat while the bride sobbingly tells a story about each of her maids and how wonderful they are as friends and how supportive they have been. But before you get to the restaurant you might have to buy an appropriate dress. Some rehearsal dinners are held at casual restaurants where skinny jeans and a blouse will suffice - but some are held at swanky lounges where a cocktail dress is a must. You also might not be able to recycle your look from the bridal shower because a sundress might not be appropriate for an evening affair.

Like me and most women, we have a little black dress in our closets for such an event and this will not be an issue. So, unless you are the Maid of Honor - who will probably want to prepare a small speech - you just have to be there and be gracious for the gifts you will be receiving from the bride. This is also where you will wish you were a groomsman this whole time because all they had to do was try on a rented tux and throw a stag party where they drank heavily and made bodily function jokes all night...

Dynamite Weddings

So it is the big day! It is finally here! And yet, you are forced to open your wallet yet again! The morning of the wedding you will probably be up at the crack of dawn preparing to go to the salon. Some brides will suggest you get a mani-pedi, and possibly get your makeup professionally applied - others will not care at all and it is up to the girl if they want this or not. What all the bridesmaids will be required to do in almost all instances is get their hair done. Unless you are going to a beauty school for this, having specialty "day of event hair" can cost roughly $35-$90 a person. Some salons offer packages where the cost is lower based on the number of girls, but at any rate it can be really expensive. This is something each bridesmaid will be required to pay for unless it is gifted to them by the bride.

Since wedding day beautification can take a few hours, it is usually up to the Maid of Honor to arrange (and pay for) brunch that will be delivered to the ceremony site and be ready for everyone when they arrive from the salon. She can get with the mother of the bride or mother of the groom to help with this as well. This can be as simple as a tray of fruit and cheese or more elaborate with smoothies and fresh croissants. It is important that there be something for the girls to eat since there might not be any sustenance until dinner.

My Riviera Wedding

If you are a bridesmaid, all you have to do now is put on your dress, and walk down the aisle to await the bride! If you are a Maid of Honor, you will have duties all night long. I might get into that in another post because the day of duties of a Maid of Honor rival those of some small military operations, but at least now the spending spree is over! It is finally time to relax, party it up, and have a good time with the bride and groom! Aside from answering questions posted by guests, your job as a bridesmaid is not much more than that of a guest. You should be around to make sure the bride does not need anything - such as four maids to help her pee or finding someone to refill her drink. Aside from that, you are free to dance and eat and have a good time. If anything, bridesmaids should be around to make sure they can help out the Maid of Honor since she will be doing most of the work the day of the wedding.

Keep in mind that along the line these are NOT YOUR ONLY EXPENSES as a bridesmaid!!! You will need to consider the cost of travel. This might be as simple as driving across town to meet up for a lunch or a party, but others might require you to drive for several hours or even fly to certain events. This is more common today than years ago because so many people move out of town or state after they graduate - which is also when most people start to get married. If you are in a situation where you will be driving for hours or flying, you will have to arrange and pay for hotel rooms, on the road meals, rental cars, taxis, etc. If you are buying gifts locally, you might have to ship them to the bride if you cannot take them yourself. You might need to take time off work to make appointments or hire baby or pet sitters for long weekends. You also MIGHT BE MARRIED YOURSELF and will be taking your husband with you if you have to travel.

Once Wed

Another thing you might get roped into paying for and helping with are DIY projects. You might be tasked with picking up an industrial jug of Mod Podge or helping design invitations on Photoshop. If you are DIY savvy, you might be asked to make 15 boutonnieres by yourself (and pay for the crafts) as a favor to the bride.

Ultimately, the final thing to consider is the bride herself and how you think she will treat you. Some brides can be like the ones on TV; yes those are the ones I am talking about. They think their bridesmaids are slaves and expect them to not only wait on them hand and foot, but also pay for outrageous gifts and lavish parties. You also might want to be aware of who else will be in the bridal party to anticipate issues which might result in you declining to accept the duties of a bridesmaid or MoH. If not, you might end up paying for a flaky maid to attend a dinner or footing a bill for the bachelorette party that was supposed to be split 6 ways but is now being split for 4.

In a perfect world, all the bridesmaids and the bride would all be on the same page and in a similar financial situations. This however hardly ever happens and you should not accept the duties if you really do not think you can handle it emotionally or financially. Numerous friendships have been ruined over fights that occurred regarding duties of bridesmaids. You can go on any Wedding Wire or The Knot forums and see "rants" where a maid had a blow up with the bride and suddenly a 20 year friendship is down the tubes. Truth be told, NOTHING REGARDING A WEDDING IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO RUIN FRIENDSHIPS OVER. If you are a bridesmaid and you are in over your head, be honest with the bride and bow out. If she is a good friend, she will not raise a stink over it and understand. Likewise, a bride should never put a cash-strapped bridesmaid in a position where she will need to spend an arm and a leg on a dress and then be expected to spend hundreds on flights to and from various vacations and parties. Being in a wedding party can quickly become a money pit, and it is important for brides and bridesmaids to understand this and take it into account before they dole out or accept responsibilities without fully understanding what they are getting into financially.

*Just a note. No one in a wedding party is required or forced to do anything just because it is what the bride wants. Just like things should never be expected or assumed especially when it comes to money and who pays for what. These are just typical examples of what a fully involved bridal party can expect to arrange, pay for, or attend.  

Band vs. DJ - Who to Pick for your Wedding

Joe DeBiak Entertainment

When it comes to planning a wedding, entertainment is one of the most important elements to consider in regards to your guests. People attend weddings for three reasons: Food, Booze, and Dancing. Basically if you eliminate one of those three things, you are going to have some pretty bored guests. Now, I have no issue at all in having a dry wedding. I do not drink so I honestly would not care at all if there was no liquor at my wedding. However, if you opt to have a dry wedding you should really bump up the entertainment aspect to get your guests involved on the dance floor. Let's face it, a lot of people consume a few drinks to loosen up and bring them out of their shells. BUT, a really great band or DJ can do the exact same thing without resorting to guests slamming the bar during cocktail or appetizer hour!

All For One Entertainment

Initially, we thought we would be using a DJ for our wedding. DJ's are a dime a dozen in the Indianapolis area and the prices of some range so wildly you really do not know the difference between one or another. Why is this guy $250 for 6 hours and that guy is $1000 for 8 hours? The truth is, unless you KNOW or meet with them, you really have no idea. My first encounters with entertainment vendors happened at bridal shows. I must admit, I was not immediately impressed with some of the things they did or offered. Several of the vendors at the Indianapolis bridal shows had packages that included laser lights, fog machines, projected images, etc. Or a bunch of stuff you would see at the CLUB and not at a wedding. I don't know about you, but I do not want my wedding to feel like a bachelor party in Vegas.

Another thing I took issue with was that a lot of these guys were really young and did not have a lot of experience. I have heard horror stories in the past about some local DJ's attributed to their youth. My mother hired a DJ for a work function some years ago and the "kid" who showed up was intoxicated. He also had no idea how to work a crowd of older people and proceeded to treat the event like a rave. As the night went on he became very insulting to guests who would not get up and dance and it was a total nightmare. We were also told about several mishaps at the Muncie bridal show by the event coordinator at the Horizon Center who said she personally does "damage control" in regards to DJ's because so many of them have showed up intoxicated or proceeded to drink while they were supposed to be playing music.

Martha Green Project

After hearing about the issues at the Muncie venue, I was less enthusiastic about having a DJ and was leaning more towards a band. One of my mother's former classmates and long time friend Martha Baker Green sings in a band and I swear she is the white Aretha Franklin. I thought how amazing would it be to have a live band at the wedding!? I also thought it would be unexpected and something guests would remember. However, when I got to thinking about all the other stuff we would need music for, I started to think having a band might not work.

Obviously a band (in most cases) is not going to have a sound system because it is not necessary. This is a problem though if you need to have a sound system for your outdoor ceremony. Most of your DJ's will have extra speakers, wireless microphones, and other things you will need for your officiant and of course the bride and groom so everyone can hear your vows. There is NOTHING worse than having an outdoor ceremony no one can hear!

Brideorama

Another issue you run into with a live band is that you will not have any music playing for when you walk down the aisle, during cocktail hour, or in the "down time" when the band takes a break. Also, you will typically find a band will only play for 3 hours on average at a wedding. They will also play for about 45 minutes to an hour then take a 20-30 minute break in between. So, if you have guests really getting into the music and are dancing, it is a downer to have to completely stop for half an hour. You would also need to curtail your reception schedule around when the band would play. This can be a problem if you have your wedding in the early afternoon because if you serve food at 4:00 for example and the band starts at 5:00, including breaks the band might only play until 9:00. If you still have guests wanting to party it up after that, you would need to arrange an after party somewhere.

I attended a wedding a few years ago and they had a live band. I must admit it was slightly awkward to not have any music playing during cocktail hour. The venue did have an indoor PA system to play the traditional wedding march for the aisle walk, but again their ceremony took place indoors. The band really got people moving on the dance floor, but after their first break that was the cue for many people to start leaving. I know we used the lull in the party to make an early exit because quite frankly the band was LOUD for the size of the room and we had headaches by the end of the night. So, if you want your guests to stay the whole length of your wedding, you might want to consider having someone play music the entire time.

Thailand Wedding Planning

Another thing you must consider is your guests and what they like to listen/dance to. My fiance loves motown music and jazz. For me, if I am going to dance I like disco music and modern pop. We both agreed that while we eat we would like old jazz and blues playing. I know for a fact not many people like this kind of music and prefer R&B, pop, or rock & roll. I like all kinds of music but again, I do not want my wedding to feel like a club and I do not think it is appropriate for "dance" music to be played during the meal. Most of our guests I think would prefer a live band because the majority of our guests are going to be older people - in other words people who will NOT dance. On the other hand, the young people in attendance will probably dance and I am not sure if people would dance to a blues band. I know our groomsmen like to bust a few moves, so ultimately I want the people who will actually be DANCING to have a good time.

Another issue you get into with bands is generally they only play one style of music, cannot take requests on the fly, and unless prior arrangements are made they will not make announcements such as the entrance of the bridal party. This can be an issue because the bridal party entrance usually takes place before the meal begins. Some people also like specific music to be played for the garter/bouquet toss, "funny" groomsmen dances, choreographed dance numbers, wedding games, and so on. A band for obvious reasons will likely not be able to do any of this.

High Society Music

Ultimately if money were NOT an issue, I would hands down have both a band and a DJ at our wedding. My biggest concern is having a PA system outside for our vows to be perfectly honest. Many couples with extra cash to burn for this part of their wedding do opt to have both a band and a DJ for the reasons I stated before in regards to PA systems for vows and for cocktail music as well as announcements and for late night dancing. However, if you do this you will be paying full rates for both vendors. Some couples who have both are able to get really great deals because they know someone or the bride has a bother in the band or whatnot. On the other hand if you are not able to get a "deal" with the vendor you are working with you should expect to pay MORE for a live band versus a DJ. 

You also have to take into account that you will need to add EVERYONE in the band to your meal list! Bands typically have 5 members and 2-3 assistants who come with them to weddings. You will need to provide food and refreshments for ALL of them. Whereas a DJ, who will also need to be provided with food and drinks will likely only have one person with them maybe two. If your plated meal is $40 a head and you add in a few drinks and cake you just added about $400 to your music budget if you go with a band.

On a side note, for some reason lately I have gotten a lot of Groupon offers for DJ packages. This might be forecasting for graduation parties and the like, but some of them are REALLY great deals! But again, without meeting with the actual DJ/MC I would be concerned about the maturity level of some of the younger guys and how they would act in a non-club setting. 

While both my fiance and I really love the idea of having a band, we are still milling over the "what-to-dos" in regards a PA system, music to play during cocktail hour, music after the band leaves, etc. We would also need to hire someone to man the computer or iPod player to make sure things were cued up as well. If it ultimately seems like it is going to be a bigger pain to have us provide our own music during down time, we will go with a DJ instead.