The Burlap Bride - Websites have RUINED Everything Unique about Weddings

Vintage Bliss Wedding

"Your wedding is going to look like a ridiculous yard sale!" My mother said this to me when I squealed with delight the day I found an old, beat up Pepsi cooler that I wanted to purchase to use as an ice chest for drinks at my wedding. It was banged up and really gross, but I was convinced I could turn it into a "cool element" at my wedding. My mom just looked at me like I was nuts and rolled her eyes as if I had lost my mind.

At the time, we were planning a simple back yard wedding without frills. The ice chest I found would have been an alternative to the run of the mill galvanized aluminum buckets you see on ALL the Pinterest pins. I guess I wanted something different that was not cliche, would be durable, and work for an outside wedding. While the internet is great for inspiration, I really do think it has ruined everything unique about weddings. It seems as though every time someone mentions a "theme wedding" all you hear are moans and groans about "how overdone it is" or that everyone has seen it before. And well, that is because we have - on Pinterest.

The more I thought about it the more I began re-thinking my "theme". Originally I wanted to do the lace/burlap/mason jar thing. I wanted my wedding to be more or less a slightly upper scale backyard barbeque. This is what I felt would be the most comfortable for my guests - because really most people hate having to get dressed up to go to a fancy wedding and are thrilled when you say it will be "casual" and jean friendly. So, off to Pinterest I went. Within no time I had amassed a board of 300+ pins featuring barns, mason jars, and whiskey barrel tables. When we initially thought we were going to have our wedding this year, we even visited a barn venue that ended up being a let down. I guess I wanted something different than a country club or a fancy place where people would feel uncomfortable. But was a barn really appropriate for us? Well, no, not really.

A Marriage of Passion and Style

My fiance was raised on a farm...but I do not think I have ever set foot in a barn other than to rummage for junk at an auction. At least a barn provides a shelter for tables in most cases - but they are really small and not very elegant when you actually look at them. But oh, the pictures! You know? The ones taken in October in the Midwest with the cafe lighted barn, and guests making toasts with mason jars, and the bride is in a lace mermaid gown, and there is a tire swing somewhere? For some reason, that was the vision of what I wanted at my wedding. I guess it was my way of having the elegance of lace with the rustic utilitarian aspect of burlap to create something "neutral"...but that is really not me. I am vintage quirky and will take a rainbow of colors over something neutral any day. My fiance and I are also the rugged outdoorsy type - as in we love to hike and experience nature. Something that we both are definitely NOT are "county people" - we do not ride horses, hunt, or go to the rodeo. On the other hand a barn venue would have provided an outdoor element - which is really more of what I was wanting the barn for. I guess I did not want to be "obvious" with my wedding theme or have people "just know" what I was going to do in terms of a theme before we even sent out invitations. At the same time, I did not want people to think we were having a hoe-down if we announced the reception would be taking place in a barn...

Polka Dot Bride

I must admit I was a bit irked in the beginning when I started telling friends and family members about my engagement and they automatically assumed I would be doing a "vintage theme" since I am a vintage dealer. For one, I really do not know what a "vintage theme" is. I certainly know what vintage items are because I sell them for a living - but did they think I would be going full blown 1890's Victorian, 1920's deco flapper, 1950's rockabilly, 1960's hippie? I do in fact love various elements of all these eras. But kind of like the decor in my house - "eclectic" is the term I prefer - choosing just one would be very hard for me. Furthermore, if you as a bride pick something very specific like 1920's speakeasy, you are extremely limited on various design elements you can use, otherwise it will look out of place. This can get quite costly very quickly because it would look odd if you were wearing a Mori Lee beaded sheath dress and your bridesmaids are in modern cocktail dresses. So, they would also have to get beaded gowns or something with feathers and fringe.

I personally take particular issue to some of these "extreme theme" weddings because they tend to look like costume parties or Halloween (think Great Gastby or Lord of the Rings). Additionally, for whatever reason the term "vintage theme" initially gets thrown into the same lot as rustic and shabby chic and if not, it leaves guests thinking they have to "dress a certain part" when they attend. I certainly did not want to declare we are having a "vintage theme" (era specific or not) and suddenly get a flood of calls from people asking if they have to wear zoot suits and fedoras or pearls and furs. Again, this was another reason why I thought the lace & burlap thing would work better...At the same time, this is yet another major drawback of utilizing a theme in your wedding.

Estate Weddings and Events

After the bummer at the barn venue and some other setbacks, we decided to push the wedding to next year. Honestly, I was feeling way overwhelmed with the whole planning process. However, before we made this decision I did find my wedding dress. It was nothing like I originally thought I wanted. I did have an ivory lace mermaid dress is mind and I tried one on, but I really could not justify spending $1000 on a dress. So, instead I kept with my frugal ways and found a really different, pre-owned, satin dress with TONS of STUFF. I love "stuff" and the dress I found has it all. It is two different colors, it has off the shoulder sleeves, it has rosettes, it has lace, it has appliques, it has pearls, it has rhinestones, it has EVERYTHING - in other words, it is totally me! It was at this time that I decided I needed to make my "theme" what I wanted and what "fit" us, and not based exclusively on something I saw online. I also decided that I no longer wanted to stick to something super specific so I could have the freedom to add elements without them looking out of place.

Wedding Bee

I was just curious as to what other brides-to-be actually thought of wedding trends and themes to see what they were personally sick of seeing or hearing about others doing, so I asked on Wedding Wire. The number one thing they said they were sick of was the rustic/mason jar trend - the "burlap bride". Brides seemingly are now totally disgusted by hay-bale seating, manure caked cowboy boots with a $2500 lace gown, chalk boards, wash tubs for drinks, hydrangeas and baby's breath, cutesie signs, and the aforementioned mason jars and burlap. They are also so over "random furniture" sitting out in fields with non-wedding related stuff on them or "shabby chic" because it looks like a flea market and not a wedding.

After I thought about it, it really does not make any sense to have a "display" of junk out on a table for your guest book. Why will a simple desk and a chair with a flower arrangement not suffice? Why is it necessary to stack classic novels 5 high with a dusty, old typewriter on top with a cutesie note that says to write something for the couple and have a top hat hanging on the chair-back? Well the latter is because someone saw it in an editorial photo shoot, it ended up on Pinterest, and brides thought it was "so cute" they had to have it for themselves. Guests however are likely going to say one of two things when they see this -"I don't get it" or "OMG I saw that on Pinterest, too!" In other words, no one will think you are clever, they will just sigh because they have seen it before and it makes no sense for the couple to have that particular element in their wedding.

Perfect Pear Bridal

The brides I asked on Wedding Wire were also so sick of looking at other specific "trendy" elements as well. Some of these were: Peacock/Mardi Gras, Damask when it does not fit the venue, nautical or beach themes in places like Oklahoma, candy bars, mustaches, chevron, putting signs on ring bearers and flower girls as if no one knows their role in the wedding already, weird food trucks when there is a plated meal, and signature drinks. Brides are even "over" older traditions like bouquet/garter toss and head tables. This however probably has more to do with the fact that the average bride and groom are nearly 30 when they wed and will either have no single friends and/or will have married friends who do not want to be packed into a head table in attendance.

Another reason why I think cliched themes are getting out of hand is commercial availability. Hobby Lobby for example has specific sections in the wedding aisles for burlap/rustic, peacock/masquerade, glam/deco, and so on. We also noticed that most of the local barn venues are offering in-house rentals of mason jars, mismatched plates, doilies, ecru linen tablecloths, etc. While this might be a dream come true for some brides, others might feel compelled to give in and use what is available for ease even if it was not what they had in mind. I mean if you think about it, I bet there are a lot of brides like me who wanted a barn venue for the unique space and outdoor possibilities and not necessarily because they wanted a "rustic" themed wedding. On a side note, I also wanted a barn because they are much more private than a park. It is very difficult to find a private venue that is not a barn actually.

It did seem that the rejection of of cliched/tired/used themes came about more recently according to a vendor I spoke with at a bridal show. I was also told that more brides are going modern and/or glam - with one or two colors and minimal decorations. In other words, brides are going back to simply choosing an accent color and NOT having a designated theme. One vendor attributed this to the fact that when some brides go with a "Pinterest-y" theme, the theme is literally represented EVERYWHERE. Nothing is seemingly subtle anymore, and this began to bother numerous brides. An example of "over theme-ing" would be if you used chevron as your main design element - and you proceeded to use a chevron aisle runner, straws, table cloths, favors, silverware wraps, cake, place mats, ribbon, etc. A color bomb is another - you do not need your bridesmaids to be in pink gowns, have the groomsmen wear pink vests, while you all hold/are wearing pink flowers, and your tables have pink centerpieces, pink overlays, pink napkins...you get the idea.

The Manor Restaurant

After being disappointed with some of the venues we looked at, I began leaning towards having the wedding in a park. This was initially what I wanted, but there are so many drawbacks to most parks that I did not think it would be feasible. Parks, nature, and hiking best represent who me and my fiance are as a couple - and it would get us out of using a specific theme. However I did understand that if we could not find a suitable park venue, we would have to tweak our design elements to whatever venue we came up with. I must admit it does bother me when I see weddings held in fancy, historic homes and the "theme" is carnival fun house or Star Wars. Luckily we found the most perfect venue I could have ever hoped to find (I am waiting until spring so I can take a zillion pictures and do a massive write up about it, that is how much I love the venue). The venue I found has a historic home, a covered patio, a garden, hiking, and more. So, given our good fortune of finding this epic venue we are doing an outdoorsy non-theme theme. If that makes sense.

Woodsy Weddings

Basically, we will be using elements of nature in our tables and decor. Most of this is going to be free or very low cost. I still have to buy linens - which will probably be green or ivory, but other than things like vases and flowers, the decor will be provided by nature. This will give us as a couple the flexibility to add other elements that would not really fit other themey-themes if we wish without it looking out of place. For example, I can add some vintage elements without it coming across as "shabby chic or rustic", my fiance and groomsmen can be casual or super formal without it looking out of place (you hardly ever see photos of a groom in a black tux at a rustic wedding), and we do not have to make the whole wedding totally formal or completely casual either. I do not want to go so far as saying we will have a "woodland" theme because I think a lot of people think of fairies and elves in a shire when they hear that term. 

Now that we (well me, I have spearheaded this whole "design element" of the wedding) have simplified things, I have found that we will be saving money by not having to buy mason jars, burlap for runners (no runners at all now), lanterns, "treat bar" items (we will give goodie bags as favors instead), non-edible favors, theme specific invitations, and so on. I still think I might make my own silverware pouches and/or sashes for the chairs since the dining chairs will be used outside at the ceremony. But, if I do this I will know I can immediately re-sell them after the wedding probably at a profit. Maybe for modern brides, having a no-theme theme is the way to go. I am still a little sad I did not buy that vintage Pepsi cooler for my drink tub though...

Pros and Cons of Using a Barn for your Wedding Venue

Stockade Buildings Inc.

Honestly, the day after I got engaged I was online the WHOLE day researching wedding barns. I was really super excited to be engaged, but I knew finding a venue would be a problem. I was 100% positive I wanted a barn wedding. I sent out a flood of e-mails asking about availability and I was somewhat shocked that everything was booked 1-2 years in advance...and nothing was available in October. 

When my fiance asked for my hand in marriage in December of 2013, I was pretty dead set on having a wedding in October 2014....that is until I realized there IS a reason why it typically takes 18-24 months to plan a wedding. Unless you have a lot of friends and family who can either pitch in, pull strings, or offer services like a venue, catering, photography, and flowers it is HARD to put a wedding together in less than a year. In all honesty, it cannot be done IF you want to have a big party type wedding where friends and family come from out of state. Furthermore, barn weddings skyrocketed in popularity in the last 3 years and it seems that everyone wants that setting for their big day. This has caused a shortage in venues of this type because while a large number of people have a barn in rural Indiana, they house livestock and hay and are not "wedding ready."

Now, of course all that you need on your big day is your fiance, your license, and an officiant - that is it. But, being a big DIY person myself and wanting to have my personal touches incorporated into the wedding it became very evident in about a months time that the wedding would look "thrown together" if we tried to push for October. Furthermore, I was so set on having a barn wedding since it meshes with vintage so well, the idea of using a different kind of venue was something that I did not even want to think about because it was stressing me out. So, quickly my vision of having chandeliers hanging in a rustic setting while guests danced the night away were quickly fading. All my Pinterest pins were becoming irrelevant, my plan of an autumn wedding was going out the window, and the panic was setting in.

Then...the harsh reality of a barn venue hit me. Like a ton of bricks it hit me.

Many of the barn venues I looked at were open and bare, and had cafe rope lights and some chandeliers hanging inside. You get taken in by the ambiance, but once you start asking questions the more and more impractical they become. In fact, if you really take into account the needs of your guests - not just you - but all the people coming to your wedding, you might end up regretting having a barn wedding. 

Here is why: 

Zionsville Barn

Parking:

Many barn venues have you park in the grass or a pasture - this might be directly next to the barn. This can eliminate the possibility of having an outdoor ceremony if you wanted to use the barn solely for the reception. This can also be a problem if it rains and you will have women in heels tromping through mud. Some of the venues will also NOT come with parking attendants - this can become a nightmare fast because some of the lots are SO small, that you must pack the cars in like sardines to get everyone in. If left to park themselves, most people will not tightly pack-in unless directed to do so. So, you might fill the lot and not have enough room for everyone.

Hoosier Portables

Bathrooms:


Only ONE barn venue I looked at had a bathroom in the actual barn. Many barn venue sites do not tell you this because I think they hope the vision will take over and you will not mind renting a bunch of blue port-o-pots for your guests. I do not know about you, but my grandmothers and many elders in my family cannot and would not use a port-o-pot. Port-o-pots also DO NOT have sinks or running water. To have a hand washing station, this an extra cost AND YOU MUST HAVE WATER HOOK UP to use a hand washing station. 

If the barn you are looking at have no plumbing or a place to run water, guests cannot wash their hands. We were contemplating renting a Luxury Portable Bathroom Trailer from Hoosier Portables (pictured above) if we went with a barn venue. These look like real restrooms on the inside, have toilets that flush, have sinks with hot and cold water, have changing tables for babies, and are heated/air conditioned. BUT you MUST have electrical hookup and water hoses to get them to work. Furthermore, these cost $1500 to rent for ONE DAY!  

Another caveat is that none of the portable toilets are handicapped accessible. If you have any guests who use a wheelchair or walker they will not be able to use a portable restroom. And in speaking of most barns not having water...

D&R Market

Catering:

Nearly all caterers WILL NEED ACCESS TO A KITCHEN. Most of the time if a caterer is coming to an on-site venue, they will need the use of a full kitchen to prepare food. Even if someone is bringing a BBQ smoker, they still need refrigeration for meats and sides. Keep in mind that a barn, which probably housed horses a few years ago, will not have a kitchen. Unless there is a secondary building on site or the barn has been converted, the caterer you choose might not be doable if there is no kitchen. 

Even if you went with something like a food truck, just like the portable restrooms they need both water and electrical hookup to work. One of the barns I looked at had all these "partners" for catering. When I looked through them and what they offered, I suddenly realized that they were only showing pictures of hors d'oeuvres, appetizers, and snacks. In the small print on one of the catering sites they specifically said that if you have a wedding at "X" barn the only food option is cold appetizers and a full meal is not possible. It would be a BAD day if you booked your dream venue only to find you could not have real food served. 

Poetic Home

Heating & Air Conditioning:

Unless you are looking at a barn that has been converted, IT WILL NOT BE CLIMATE CONTROLLED!!! I am planning my wedding in the state of Indiana. We have deathly cold winters and sweltering summers. It can also be 30 degrees in the morning and 85 in the afternoon in the middle of October. In other words, the weather is so unpredictable that you have to plan for the worst case scenario. Most of the barns I looked at left it up to the renter to locate and rent fans or heaters at an additional cost. If you had to heat the inside of a wooden barn - how well do you think the heat would stay inside a structure without insulation and high ceilings? The answer is not very well. 

You would also probably be really limited on the number of heaters to rent (it would be taxing on whatever electrical they have) so if it were cold, guests would likely be shivering in their coats all night long. The prospects in summer can be just as bad with the common 100% humidity we get in July and August. A box fan - or even 20 of them will not do squat if it is humid. It will just make a TON of noise and BLOW napkins and hair everywhere and do nothing to cool a room.  

Keep your guests in mind!!! Many of our beloved elders are on medications for various things. I know there are at least 10 family members on my side of the family that CANNOT under any circumstances be allowed to get over heated, dehydrated, or be left in the sun for too long without having the option to go to a climate controlled area for even a little while. Sweltering heat can also cause dehydration to set in quickly...so if your guests will be having a few cocktails at your wedding be prepared to have some very tipsy guests. 

Memories Bridal & Evening Wear

NO Tables, Chairs, Tents, or Dance Floors:

Only TWO barns I contacted provided tables and chairs. Most of the barns are a "bare canvas" for you to envision what you want. But, that does mean you will need to rent your own tables and chairs. I priced this out at a local hardware store that rented round and rectangle tables and chairs - it would have been $700! Do not forget that if you want the ceremony outside, you will need extra chairs for that as well -one for each guest or enough benches for all. And you will need an arch, podium, or something like that for you to stand in front of while you exchange vows. 

You will probably need a tent too...believe it or not you cannot get more than 125 people in most barn venues - and double check the capacity with your venue manager! Some will assume that an open patio off the barn will serve as an additional seating area, but obviously if it is not covered and it rains everyone will need shelter. Once you get tables and chairs inside a barn with a DJ, buffet, gift table, cake table, etc. it can get cramped fast. If you find yourself in need of an outdoor space for people to spread out, to rent a tent that is 40X60 it will cost $800-$1000. If your idea was like mine and want a ceremony outside and a reception inside you have to plan what will happen if there is rain - which is why a tent is of the utmost importance. 

Some of the barns also have dirt floors or old slat floors. Have you ever danced on a dirt floor? What happens is the room will fill up with dust and look like a stampede and everything will get dirty. If the barn has a slat floor, beware of heels!!! Heels will get stuck in between the slats and cause falls and rolled ankles. Some of the barns have concrete floors but if they do not, you need to plan on renting an actual dance floor.

Clear Air Net

Allergies:

When the barn trend skyrocketed, many people decided to cash in on the wedding potential. This can mean that your amazing barn venue might have had horses, manure, and hay stored inside the previous summer. Many barns are also located on WORKING farms - meaning you could have crops being harvested in October or planted in the spring right outside your venue door. While it would not bother me at all if a combine rolled by while we were exchanging vows, I know my fiance would be in allergy hell. He is even the son of a farmer and has a cornfield in his backyard and he still has horrible allergies.  

Keep guests in mind!!! Many people are allergic to hay and dust from crops! Some barns, if they have been closed up and recently reopened to be used as a venue, might be moldy, musty, or smelly...or smell like horses. While you might think you can "get past the smells", in the summer the smells could be worse and be really gross while guests are eating. Be sure to ask if your venue has been renovated or treated. Two of the barns I looked at mentioned in their FAQ that they were sprayed and cleaned but some of the others were questionable.

Rustic Wedding Chic

A DJ, PA System, WiFi, Speakers, Etc.:

Like I mentioned before, some of these barns are really small on the inside once you get tables, chairs, and things like buffets, bars, and gift areas inside. Some are so small they specifically mention that they provide an "entertainment bar or suite"...which really means they have a card table for your laptop to play from Spotify. Many barn venues offer nothing more than that - so no speakers and many will not have internet access or WiFi. 

Now, most DJ's will have their own speaker stands and all their equipment - but many barns simply do not have the room for such things. And again, you will need to address the electrical situation because DJ equipment takes a lot of outlets. DO NOT FORGET about outside!!! I think a lot of couple do not realize if you have your ceremony outside, unless you have a microphone and speakers, no one past the first row can hear you. NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU AT ALL. I think this is one of the biggest wedding faux-pas that seem to happen again and again. Unless you see an electrical box outside the barn, you must ask if it is possible to run a PA system outside. If not, you might need to furnish your own extension cords so that your friends and family can hear your vows!

Elizabeth Anne Designs

Getting Ready:

Some of the barn venues have small bridal suites available for getting ready. However, of the barns I located that have suites, they were located in a "main house" or adjacent building to the barn. The issue you run into with this is that many of these barns are located on private property. This means the main house is probably where the owners live and you will be using their bedrooms, bathrooms, or basement if they did not add onto their property for this specific reason. 

At one venue we looked at, the main house would provide us with the entire upper floor for getting ready...But the groom and groomsmen would be in the same hall, so if you did not want someone to sneak a peek that would not really work. Then, it was quite a walk from the house to the barn - so far in fact that in heels it would not be possible. You would then need to arrange for someone to drive the bride and bridesmaids to the barn - not very practical. Another venue had a room for the bride, but it was only about 10X10 and it was dimly lit. Plus, the bridesmaids would either need to get ready before or after me if they wanted to use the same room. 

The Verdict:

I am still totally in love with the idea of having a barn/rustic/vintage wedding - especially if we found a venue with chiffon drapes, cafe lights, and chandeliers - and bathrooms, heat/ac, and tables and chairs on site. However, when speaking to an event manager, farmer, or private property owner in regards to renting their barn for your wedding do not forget to ask about:

1.) Bathrooms
2.) Handicapped Accessibility
3.) Outlets, Electrical, Water
4.) Parking
5.) Heating and Air Conditioning
6.) Dance Floor Situation
7.) Allergies
8.) Internet, WiFi, or Cellular Availability
9.) Kitchen and/or Refrigeration/Cooking
10.) Dressing and Changing Rooms/Suites

IN ADDITION:

Yesterday as I was researching barn venues I came across a scary reality. Some of these barns ARE NOT LICENSED TO BE OPENED. Depending on where you live, I am sure the laws vary greatly. However, I found a venue page on Facebook where some people opened a barn located on their private property for use as a "party barn" after they remodeled it for a family member's wedding. While it is perfectly fine to use your home, barn, shed, pavilion, etc. that you privately own for a private function, it is different than if you are to use the same building or area for a "public facility". 

The barn I looked at the other day was allowed to host weddings for almost a year (with weddings booked two years in advance from that date) only to have the zoning board come in and shut them down suddenly and without warning. I would imagine more than 2 dozen couples lost their venue when this happened if not more. Make sure with the venue owner or manager that they are licensed and insured to be open. Furthermore, make sure you read their contact and what it says regarding cancellations, accidental double bookings, emergencies, injuries, etc.