Find Your Seat! Wedding Escort Cards or Seating Charts

ZMC Designs

My mother and I ran down to our venue yesterday on a whim to sneak a peak at what it looks like in summer. When my fiance and I booked the venue, there was still snow on the ground and it was hard to truly envision how it would look. We assumed the venue would be vacant since it was a Friday morning, but they were actually setting up for a wedding that night! This was actually a blessing in disguise because we were able to see the grounds with chairs and tables set up.

I pleasantly found we going to have a lot more room than I anticipated AND they have 18 tables instead of the 16 I was originally told (does happy dance inside). On our way home we got to talking about seating and the flow of the reception. I absolutely want the reception to have a flow and make sure that people are not confused about where they sit. For this reason I think we need escort cards.

Wedding Bee

Even with the discovery that we will have two extra tables and potential seating for 16 more people, I really think we might fill the venue to near capacity. Because of this I want guests to make sure they know where they will be seated after the ceremony. This is something that will not be easy for us given the layout of the venue.

We are essentially getting married in the back yard of a historic house with the reception taking place in the courtyard. My idea is that I want people to be "coaxed" into walking into the front door of the home where they will pass through the living room. My intent is to set up a gift table in this room and have the escort cards next to the guest book. I hope - hope - people will understand that they are supposed to pick up their card on the way to the ceremony....my mom thinks this will never happen in a million years.

Wedding Bee

I can only recall one wedding I attended that had a plated meal. In reality, the only reason you need an escort system is if you are serving a plated meal where people got to choose their entree. All other weddings I have been to had a buffet and people got to sit where they wanted. This would not be an issue for us either if I did not feel like we would need every single seat. Now, I have been to weddings that were filled to capacity and had no seating system - and it was a huge flipping nightmare.

What happens is a large group of people will want to sit together and just start grabbing chairs. Guests really will look at a table for 8 and decide on their own that they think they can cram 12 people at that table. Of course they will "steal" 4 chairs from other tables to make this happen. People who do not know each other will not sit together - they just won't - so more chairs will get moved and eventually you will end up with people who will claim "they cannot find a seat". This is the last dilemma I want to happen at my reception. Luckily, there are a few ways to inform or show guests where they are supposed to sit and each have their pros and cons.

Southern Weddings

Use a Favor as an Escort Card:

This is my favorite way of delivering an escort card because it kills two birds with one stone. You can set up a table next to your guest book with your favors and have a tag attached with a guests name and their table number. BUT - in order for this to work you MUST have a sign that lets people know "Hey, this is your favor BUT IT ALSO HAS A NAME ON IT." You know people will just absentmindedly grab a favor and not even look to see if there is a name on it until it is too late. If this happens, there is absolutely no going back and people will have to find their own seats. If great aunt Ethel has the favor/card for my father in law's cousin, there is no way on earth they will figure out who is who. I am leaning towards this approach myself but I will have a HUGE sign that says "Take a treat to find your seat!"

El Brooklyn Taco

Use Tented or Pick Style Escort Cards

Typical run of the mill escort cards are just folded pieces of paper that form a tent so they sit upright on a table. These are a nice option because you can DIY these yourself since most come on punch-out sheets that can be fed into a printer. Be weary of fancy fonts however because sometimes they can be very difficult to read. This can be especially bad if you have a family where there are several people with the same name.

These are also pretty simple to display on a table but PLEASE make it easy for guests and group them by table number. If you want three sets of your aunts and uncles to be seated at the same table, make it easy and group their cards together. This will help people move more quickly to get them to their seats. Make sure if you use simple tented cards that they are NOT left outdoors - the slightest breeze will send them sailing.

You can also attach a small piece of paper with a pick to something that is not a favor - such as a pumpkin, bubbles or a sparkler to be used at the end of the night, a small bag of candy, a cupcake, etc. I would shy away from anything that can be eaten and make a mess like a clementine orange or a frosted cupcake. If your guests get to the table and open an orange they will probably just leave the peels on the table - same goes for wrappers. Keep this in mind given that trash cans might not be put out until dinner is served.

Once Wed

Escort Cards at EACH Place Setting

Okay, I will admit it - I hate this method of letting people know where they are to be seated. Unless you are having a small wedding, it is really annoying as a guest to wander aimlessly from table to table trying to find your seat. This is made even worse if you as a bride think it will be *nice* to seat random people together. I was at a very large wedding once and I was seated with 10 people I did not know. I was not very familiar with the other guests either so it was not like I could ask someone if they saw my name. It took me over 15 minutes in a crowded dining hall to find my seat. So, unless you are having a 50 guest or under affair, I would not use this escort card method.

Planning Bio

Using Trees, Hooks, Shutters for the Cards

Instead of using something you can pick up from a table, some brides are hitting up Pinterest for cutesie ways of displaying their cards. You can tie the cards to a large tree and let guests hunt for their name, put keys on hooks on an old door, or tie luggage tags to chicken wire inside the frame. While these are all cute ideas and would look adorable in pictures, none of these methods are very practical.

If you use a large tree you are going to have guests looking at every single card for the one with their name. Keys on hooks look whimsical and vintage, but you will have guests removing every key until they find their own and they will absolutely leave the rest on the table. It will look junky and disorganized in no time. The same will happen with luggage tags - they will fall on the floor and get lost and you will end up with a few guests having no idea which table they are looking for.

I have also seen several posts about brides using wire with clips - one bump and every one of them will tumble to the floor. One post I read a guest pulled a whole bulletin board over on themselves when they tried to yank their card from it without removing the tack. The tree idea is cute until you get cards that are stuck on the branches and they have to be broken or torn to remove. You get the picture. Some things look better in an editorial setting than when used in real life.

Virtue Event Planning

Seating Charts

Another popular method is to whip up a seating chart. Have one large chart that features table numbers and the corresponding names. Notice I said a LARGE CHART. If you use this method, you need to make that baby big enough and high enough so that many guests can see it at once. You do not want a cue line a mile long with guests waiting to figure out their seat because they cannot see it from afar. You will also run into the problem of people who will see their name, walk away, and then forget their table number. This happens more often than you think (was I at table 16 or 18...hummm?). If you opt to use names for your tables instead of numbers (movie names, park names, sport's teams, etc.) you might want to avoid the use of a chart for the same reason - people will forget once they walk away and will need to return to the chart.

Etsy

Let People Sit Where They Want

In a perfect world guests from both sides of the family would all mingle and love to chit-chat like they were not complete strangers. In the real world - this - does - not - happen. People really dislike being stuck with people they do not know. Because of this, you will have people make a mad dash to the tables to stake their claim and you will end up with several people who then cannot sit together. To be blunt, this pisses people off because no one wants to be stuck at a table with "randoms".

If your venue is large enough that you will have extra tables or extra places to sit, then really you do not need to bother with a seating chart. A prime example of this is if you are getting married in a park and guests will need to sit at picnic tables, you will not need a chart for that. You will also not need a chart if you have seating set up for 140 guests but you know only 110 will show up. All inclusive venues will typically set up extra tables for this reason. On the other hand if you are like me and already know you will likely fill every seat for dinner, you best have a chart or card system to make sure everyone has a seat.

Oh, and don't worry if you feel your aunt will get fussy if she is seated with her sister, or if divorced parents need to share a table. They are only going to be "confined" to that seat for the purpose of dinner then they can get up and move elsewhere or go to the dance floor. I think a lot of brides forget about this when they start to fret about who gets to sit with who.

The Knot

What I think I will end up doing is set up a table with bagged cookies and use them as favor/escort card combinations. I like the idea of having something guests can take to their seat and have a "sweet" during cocktail hour. They can of course save it for later since we will have appetizers, but I like the use of something perishable over a trinket. This will also eliminate the need to put favors at each place setting and it will keep the table clean so I can showcase my centerpieces.

The bottom line is make sure you have a plan in place once you get your final counts in for guests. I would not recommend doing seating arrangements early because you really never know how many people will RSVP. Also keep in mind you will need to allow for a few extra seats for anyone who shows up and did not RSVP. Even if you think this will never happen in a million years, it does happen at most weddings.

Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.

How to ask for Cash or Unconventional Gifts at a Wedding without being TOTALLY Tacky

The Manor Restaurant

For some young couples, their wedding is the one and only time they can ask for literally an entire store and they might actually get most of it. This is the whole point of wedding registries! Young couples starting out often have absolutely nothing to start their new lives with. In fact, of the weddings I have attended about half the couples did not even have kitchen basics like dishes and glasses or bedding or linens. You must think too that perhaps the groom's "bachelor crates-for-end tables" will not go over well with his new bride.

Young people just do not tend to amass a plethora of household items unless they really need them. Most 20 somethings also live at home while they attend college or end up moving back home after they graduate. So, there is no need for a single person to buy a blender or toaster for themselves since they can use their parent's stuff. This is why wedding registries are so important for couples!

Nonchalant Living

But, what happens if you really do not need anything? With more couples getting married for the first time later in life, the odds of both the bride and groom living alone previously or cohabitating and already owning kitchen staples and furniture is more common. This is the exact dilemma I have found myself in.

I have been buying and selling vintage and antique items since I was 16 years old. Needless to say, I need no furniture. I also have a house. The home belonged to my grandmother and my mom held onto it as a rental after she died. I currently use it as my office and a photo studio. This spring it will be cleaned out and my office will be relocated into my barn so my fiance and I can actually live in the house once we get married. Although my fiance and I have never cohabitated in the 6 1/2 years we have been together, I am already certain we do not need any items that traditionally appear on a gift registry.

I inherited about 20 "kitchen do-dads" from my wonderful Aunt Kelly 3 years ago when my grandmother moved in with her and my uncle. She filled my car with all kinds of cool loot! Other things like blenders, Cuisinarts, and coffee makers, I have picked up over the years for next to nothing at auctions. I knew I would need these items one day, so if I could get a brand new Crockpot for $1 at an auction, I bought it. 

Wedding Paper Divas

In years past it was extremely faux-pas to give cash for gifts at weddings (I understand this is a regional thing). You just did not do it. Just like some people today still feel that giving gift cards at Christmas is the "lazy way out". I do not see it like that at all. I would much rather give a gift card or money to someone so they can get what they want instead of getting some trinket they will never use. 

The situation is a bit different with a wedding. Guests coming to your wedding really do like having the opportunity to help you out as you start a new chapter of your life. But, older generations still do balk at the idea of just giving money. And it is really tacky for a couple to just ask for cash. It is even more crass to be cutesie about it and have cash grabs at the wedding - I absolutely abhor "dollar dances" and "money trees" and "honeymoon jars" at weddings if it is not in your culture to do so - it is in such bad taste. 

However, with more and more couples cohabitating before marriage, registries are needed to let people know what you need since you likely have a bunch of stuff already. This is sort of  why wedding registries were invented - wealthy families would usually set the new couple up with expensive staples. Then, they could ask others for things that would last them for the next 20 years like silverware, bedding, dishes, etc. They were designed to let others know what a new couple would need to set up housekeeping and not have them end up with 10 toasters and one linen napkin. However, I just cannot get behind the idea of doing a registry for a bunch of "matchy" stuff that I honestly do not need or want - or that will break, wear out, or go out of style within 3 years. Things made today are not meant to last like they did 30 years ago.

Guest of a Guest

I am not alone in this idea that traditional wedding registries are rather dated in not practical for most modern couples. I was actually researching how to ask for "non-gifts" instead of "stuff" online and came across several posts and articles regarding this very issue. 

Almost everyone agrees that it is still in really bad taste to ask for a monetary hand out - but I think it is equally as ridiculous to put 100 things on a registry for crap you don't really need just for the sake of giving guests a list of stuff to pick from so they arrive with something in hand. 

I am personally TOTALLY FINE with our guests arriving at our wedding without a gift, but I know most guests would never think of attending without bringing one. It is far more important to me that guests come to our wedding and have a good time - not that they come bearing a gift.

If you really do not need traditional things that appear on wedding registries you can ask for or suggest the following instead.

Home Food Safety

Stuff A Couple Can Do Together:

Guests can scour Groupon for coupons for picnics, winery tours, guided nature walks, rock climbing lessons, zip line runs, etc. to give to the newlyweds. You can present the coupon inside a little picnic basket with some fresh fruit and cheese. Maybe some sparkling grape juice and a couple of plastic fluted glasses (be park friendly with plastic)! Suggest the couple make a day or a weekend of the event. As a couple, this is SO EASY to ask for especially if you have a website for your wedding. 

For example, my fiance and I are very active and outdoorsy and most of our friends and family know this. If you think your guests need hints, instead of having a link to 3-4 registries you can have a "Things We Love" page. Guests will get the idea very quickly and it gives them the opportunity to get creative with their gift. I would personally LOVE this as a gift! I know I would totally treasure a nature walk courtesy of Uncle "X" over a set of knives or tumblers.

Visit My Smokies

Help Pay For A Honeymoon:

This has become a very common gift request in recent years - but it is not always handled very well. For whatever reason, couples think it is OK to do a "honeymoon fund jar" at the wedding. So, in addition to guests bringing gifts they are then presented with another request for a handout...very tacky. Most couples tend to go on cruises or travel abroad for their honeymoons, which can get really expensive and it won't be something dollars and change in a jar will pay for. 

However, on the flip side of this just as many couples are delaying their honeymoons because more and more couples are footing the bills for their own weddings. Couples on a tight budget might want to have a nice reception for close friends and family and they really might not ever be able to afford a honeymoon. 

If this is the case, I see nothing wrong with asking for money to either help pay for the wedding or the honeymoon as the primary gift. Notice I said primary - do not ask or expect guests to buy you a wrapped gift and then give money too. You can set up your wedding website with a Paypal account for guests to send you money for a honeymoon - which in reality you can use for anything you wanted. You can also use the Paypal account idea for another reason...

Homes Channel

Let Guests Know You Are Buying a House:

You can ask for money to go towards a new house in the same fashion as you can ask for cash for your honeymoon. However, this approach in my opinion does not go over very well. Some people like a honeymoon fund over the house fund because guests might not like the idea of pitching in $20 for a "new house some day". This is more of a thing to tell family members than the rest of your guests. This is something to consider however if you would really value a down payment on a new home over a honeymoon.

Faux Stone Depot

Remark About Home Improvements Instead:

This approach is much easier for guests to digest and comprehend. Lowe's and Home Depot actually stopped doing in-store registries in 2010 for some reason, but you can still ask to receive gift cards. This is likely what we will do since we will already be living in a home when we get married. My fiance can ask for tools this way too - which he can use for work or helping me around the house since I am a re-purposing diva! Another GREAT plus about requesting gift cards for home improvement stores is that you can buy APPLIANCES there! A new refrigerator might set you back $1000 - so asking for gift cards to go towards new appliances is a great way to get most of those kinds of costs paid for without putting a whole kitchen on a registry somewhere.

Another great thing about having gift cards for home improvement stores is you can hold onto them for emergencies. I honestly cannot think of anything I could purchase at Macy's or Target that would help me if my pipes burst one winter or if a storm blew a branch through my living room window. Most couples never think about this when they move into a home together let alone take it into consideration when doing a wedding registry.

Dex Knows Weddings

The Verdict:

When it comes to wedding gift registries, I honestly do not see the point in asking for a bunch of items you do not really need, may never use, or will take up so much space they will never leave the box they came in (like Kitchen Aid Mixers, pasta rollers, a rotisserie, etc.). Nor do I think it is practical to ask for items "just because" when you can make do with what you already have. Furthermore, I think most people do understand that if a couple has been living together for 5 years or they are both approaching the age of 30 that they probably do not need any stuff.

I see nothing wrong in asking for cash/gift cards to help pay for a new home, a renovation, a honeymoon, a baby fund, etc. since most people will in fact bring a gift to a wedding no matter what. I just think your method of asking or spreading the word means everything in terms of making sure you are not being tacky or "money grabby". I mean let's face it, even if you opt to not have a registry at all or even mention gifts - almost every single person who attends your wedding will bring you something. That is just what people do. While you might think you can be clever and not mention anything about gifts, you will end up with all kinds of things asked for or not.

123RF

If you do decide to ask for cash, do not forget to hint as to what it is for. People want to know where their money is going when it is given as a gift. They just do - especially older people. You do not have to be specific, but the fact you indicate that you will use the funds towards a new home or a kitchen renovation will suffice.

Many couples will add supplementary cards to their invitations to indicate where they have their registries. There are pros and cons to this - Some guests might feel pigeonholed into buying "whatnots" from specific stores even if they had something else in mind. This is especially bad if you register with stores your family members would never set foot in (William Sonoma, Crate & Barrel, Ikea, Bed, Bath & Beyond, etc. are places my family has never shopped). Then again it does give guests a list to take with them when they go shopping for you. 

TLC Events

You can get into the same problem if you simply ask for "cash only" because it can guilt trip guests into forking over more money than they initially planned. And, it just comes across as being really snooty and pretentious to ask for "cash only". People do not want to come across as being cheapskates. However, some people feel better about giving a $20 table cloth instead of $20 in an envelope. A friend of mine once said putting $20 or less inside a card is what you give at a birthday party, not a wedding. I do not think it matters how much you give or spend whatsoever - but if you feel cheap, put $10 on a gift card so it does not look as "bad" if you think cash only looks wimpy or insufficient.

I think a MUCH better idea is to add a small sentence on the invitations that either includes a website for your wedding where you will provide supplemental information and a gift list, or a phone number for people to call someone specific to inquire about gifts. If you tell your MoH or your mom what you really want, it is much easier and it comes off much better to have your mom tell your Great Aunt Gertrude over the phone you would like money for a patio project or a gift card to a certain place. You could also have your MoH be in charge of spreading the word that you would like money in lieu of stuff, so by the time your wedding day arrives most people already know that you would like gift cards or cash instead of items. 

Emma Approved

WHAT EVER YOU DO - Please, please do not put some stupid, cutesie poem about asking for money in your invitations or on your wedding website. You are not a 5-year old; you are two adults getting married. It is very immature, coy, and conceited in many peoples' eyes to ask for money this way. It comes across as you playing a game or trying to be funny when it really seems like you are begging. If you are requesting money for a down payment on a house, just come out and say it. Elderly people attending your wedding will not "get" the poem thing and it will not go over well when they embarrassingly call your mother for an explanation. I have read so many forums online where guests flat out refused to attend weddings where cash poems or blunt requests for money were in the invitations.

A Blissful Nest

What We Will Do For Our Wedding Registry:

I will have my fiance register for tools he might need on Amazon and/or simply ask for gift cards to Lowe's. Tools are something that I do not have at my house already, and honestly him having tools will help me more in the long run than me spearheading the registry. Furthermore, I use tools too! I will probably register for 10-15 small things at Target since it is the only "real" store where I shop aside from the grocery. Most everyone shops at Target and their stuff is inexpensive so guests should feel comfortable shopping there for those who want to give a wrapped gift. We will probably do a page of "Things We Love" on our wedding website to "hint" that anything gardening related would be appreciated and highlight the fact that my fiance and I enjoy the outdoors very much. 

I also love the idea of asking for Groupon "stuff to do's". I think a surprise guided tour, murder mystery dinner, pizza date night, or something quirky like that would be so much fun! I would even be down for going to a shooting range or laser tag! These are things that my fiance and I do not normally do, so for someone to give that as a gift might open up new opportunities for us to experience something new. 

Dream Wedding Officiants

I am also very much tempted to ask for "junk" people have laying around their homes for gifts. I would be elated if someone gave me a 1960's ceiling fixture from their house or a teak nightstand that has been in the garage for 20 years. I am totally serious. A bag of vintage dresses, a jug of old buttons, a box of costume jewelry - I would be in heaven and it would not cost the giver anything. Think outside the box! If your grandmother does not know what to get you, let her know you have been eying the statue on her mantle since you were 6 and would love it in your house. Remember, weddings are supposed to be a celebration of a couples' new life together. It should not come across as a cash dash or a stress-a-thon over registries.

Wedding Favors - The Pros and Cons of Trinkets vs. Treats and the Fun Factor

I found these wedding favors a few years back on MyWeddingFavors and I thought, "OMG I MUST HAVE THESE FOR MY WEDDING!" Peas and peapods have always been a special thing for my fiance and I despite the fact that they usually bring to mind new babies and expectant mothers. We did decide to have a little bit of a pea pod theme incorporated into our fall wedding by using a custom made pea pod cake topper and green for one of the main colors. When I first found the above salt & pepper shakers I thought how cute would these be to give as favors?! Then I really got to thinking about it...

Fast forward to now as I am currently planning my own wedding and the idea of favors just seems a little unnecessary to me. In the past 5 years I have been to I believe 7 weddings. Each of those weddings had favors of some kind, but I must admit that I did not keep any of the non-edible favors. Three weddings had personalized votive candles. Each had their name and wedding date with a simple vanilla scented candle. While I took mine home and used it, I threw the votive away when the candle was through because who really wants a trinket with someone else's name and wedding date on it? At one wedding, the votive candles were so well incorporated into the couples tablescape that only a handful of the 200+ guests knew/realized they were supposed to take the candle as a favor!

At other weddings I attended, the trinket style favors included matchbooks, drink holders, pens, and personalized bell Christmas ornaments, in addition to the votive candle holders. Some weddings also had more than one favor. As I priced out the adorable pea pod shakers as favors for myself - at 150 favors that would be a whopping $450 in JUST the favors - not including shipping. Personalization of the labels is extra as well, so really it would cost me about $500 to get these favors for my wedding. Not only is that WAY too expensive for my budget but really, who would want these or use them? They are porcelain and they are salt and pepper shakers. Of all my friends and family members, most of them use salt and pepper crackers that you get generic from the grocery for $1. Let's face it, most people my age will not ever go to the trouble of filling a salt and pepper shaker. As a vintage dealer, have sold quite a few S&P's to collectors but again, they are not typically used. So, unless you had a display area, these would be taken home and likely tossed in a drawer to be forgotten or handed over to Goodwill.

My mother and I were discussing favors the other day and she thinks this concept is so foreign, and yet I know many people who are adamant that something be offered at the table. My mother likened the idea of favors at a wedding to a gift bag filled with Crayons and candy you hand out at a child's birthday party. However, I do feel it is important to offer something as a "Thank You" to the guests. Interestingly, my notion that trinket type favors are on the outs with brides and guests alike was bolstered by a forum I found on WeddingWire where a person asked, "Do Guests Really Want Wedding Favors?". The overwhelming majority answered "no", but did agree that edible favors would go over better.

After sorting the pros and cons with various kinds of favors (which I will list below) I concluded we will do an edible favor - cookies to be exact. I really loved the idea above that I found on Pinterest. It had no link associated with it, but these are Anchor Hocking jars that you can get at Wal-Mart for $9.97 each. I personally despise shopping at Wal-Mart but the truth of the matter is that these 2-gallon cookie jars are MADE IN THE USA by Anchor Hocking and they are extremely nice and Wal-Mart has the cheapest price.

While this is a very nice and appealing display for cookies, the problem with a "buffet style" get-your-own treat bar is guests that over serve themselves. My mother told me while she was researching the cookie favor option, many brides regretted having a serve yourself cookie bar. Not only would guests graze on cookies all night long, but then they would take SEVERAL fill-your-own-bags home for coworkers, neighbors, and friends. It would never occur to me personally to scoop up handfuls of goodies at a WEDDING to pass out to acquaintances, but this apparently happened often enough for several online forums to be dedicated to it.  While the idea IS for the cookies to be eaten by everyone, it seemed that if people were given the option to "take at will", only about half of the guests would get any at all! To eliminate guests from packing 20 cookies into a bag designed to hold 4, we will be making our own personalized bags and place ONE at each table setting that will contain 4 different cookies. If there are any cookies left over, they will be placed on a platter alongside cupcakes and other various small treats to be eaten as "extras" for dessert.

Cookies are not the only treat where you can run into serving issues. You get into the same problems with self-serve candy and popcorn bars. If there are children at your reception, they will inevitably stick their bare hands right into jars forgoing the use of tongs or scoops to grab a treat. You will also notice that the glass jars above have lids - many couples do not take into account that the lids will need space to be set down while guests are serving themselves. You cannot really hold a bag, a heavy glass lid, and a scoop/tongs at the same time. This can also lead to placing bare hands into vessels which can be a HUGE turn off for some people. And do not EVEN get me started on chocolate fountains! Thank goodness they are going out of style, because I honestly cannot think of a worse thing to have at a wedding than a chocolate fountain. Not only will kids stick their hands or faces directly under the molten chocolate (I personally witnessed this happen at two weddings) but guests will not think twice about double dipping a crispy treat they have already bitten into. The fountain becomes an edible Petri dish in no time flat...GROSS! 

Anyway, without further ado, I will go over my pros and cons with various kinds of trinkets and why you might want to opt for an edible favor instead of an item.

The Place Card Holder as a Favor: 

The above place card holders were found at MyWeddingFavors and I thought they would be really cute for a vintage or steampunk theme wedding. If you are having a plated meal you MUST use place cards of some kind so guests know where to sit...but then using the holder as a favor? Why? I mean really, how many guests for one will WANT a single place card holder as a favor and two, who would assume this to be a favor? And yet, there are many sites that suggest using a place card holder to double as a favor. The holders above cost about $1.40 a piece or roughly $210 for 150 guests. If you were to go with an option like this, I would suggest you use them as part of your tablescape then resell them after the wedding.

Better Idea:  

Found at The Knot, here someone used real Clementine oranges or Cuties to hold the place card. Guests can eat these once they are seated and you can make your OWN little tag for the top really easily! You get, what, 30 oranges in a crate for $5 at the grocery? That is only about $0.16 per cardholder or $24 for 150 guests. You could use recycled paper you already have for the tags as well.

Bottle Openers: 

Also found at MyWeddingFavors are these really cute bottle openers. Bottle openers have become very en vogue as wedding favors in the past few years. I believe this might have something to do with the rising popularity of craft beers that have caps that actually come off with a bottle opener. But, unless you are drinking a craft beer I could not tell you the last time I opened a beer or soda that did not have a screw top. Now, I am not a beer drinker myself but we do get beers every once in a while to use for cooking chili. Not once have I ever opened one having to use an opener. You get into the same problem with corkscrews. Odds are, everyone who has wine in their homes already has 3-4 corkscrews so why would they need another? The above openers are quite pricy as well. They are a whopping $2.70 EACH so for 150 guests that would be $405 without shipping. 

Better Idea:  

Coasters! The above coasters I found being handmade from Etsy seller Vermont Branch Company. Most people can, do, and will use coasters. I use coasters at home because I have a glass top coffee table and they are great to have on hand for parties and holiday get-togethers. The above artisan coasters come out to about $3 each ($450 for 150 guests), but coaster are so easy to make yourself if you went with this as a favor option for your wedding. Coasters are a great option because what you can do is get CHEAP "tumbled" tile from a hardware store like Lowe's or Home Depot and you can customize them yourself for often less than $0.25 each. I bet you could whip up coasters for 150 guests at about $40 total cost.

Cute Yet Odd Kitchen Item Favors: 

In recent years bizarre kitchen related items have made their way into wedding favor territory. For example, the personalized honey pots above. Going in the vane of salt and pepper shakers, who uses honey pots today? I collect vintage honey pots and jars but I never use them since my honey comes in its own glass jar from the farmers market. Other items cropping up as favors are mini whisks, ice cube trays, silicone cupcake cups for baking, cookie cutters, measuring spoons, and so on. Unless you or your spouse are bakers or chefs and everyone was aware of that fact, I think giving a kitchen staple that everyone already has is just silly. The kitchen items also seem to be really pricy. The honey pots are $3.70 EACH or $555 for 150 favors.

Better Idea: 

Why not give ACTUAL honey as a favor if you want to use a cooking/baking theme for the gift? These small jars of clover honey can be personalized and are small enough for 2-3 breakfast uses. These come out to about $3 each or about $450 for 150 jars. Again, this is likely something you could get MUCH cheaper from a local bee keeper and you could tie your own twine around the lids and make your own labels. The same holds true for locally made jellies, jams, and salsas.

Things that Smell: 

It seems like today everyone has a "thing" with things that smell - and that "thing" is almost always negative. This includes soaps, candles, perfumes, sachets, potpourris, etc. Not only do you have to be concerned with allergies and headaches, but if you opt for something scented you can bet only a fraction of your guests will like it. For example, most votive candles that you can get at any of a zillion wedding favor stores online use vanilla as the scent - if you do not like vanilla you likely do not have an alternate smell choice. Soaps have become more popular for use in rustic themed weddings as well. The lovely burlap wrapped soaps above are sold by Etsy seller CountryChicSoaps. While these are homemade and probably smell really great, I am actually allergic to many oils people put into homemade soaps. For whatever reason they make my hands puff up, and I also have friends who are allergic to fancy soaps. At $1.65 each ($247.50 for 150) for the soaps above, this makes a really elegant statement...but it would not be appreciated if your guests were turned off by the scent.

Better Idea: 

Wedding seed packets! At WeddingPackets, they make customized seed pouches of your choice to offer as a favor. These are really easy for guests to use because most seeds you can just dump in the soil and lightly cover in the fall and they come up in the spring. Furthermore, most people like flowers even if they are allergic since they can be enjoyed by looking outdoors from inside your house. The ones sold through Wedding Packets are only $0.31 each or $46.50 for 150 packets. However, you could make your own for pennies each and create your own wildflower mix if you wished! 

The Verdict: 

Basically, I cannot really find much fault with edible favors. Especially with cookies - who does NOT like cookies? I know some couples want to make a statement with their favors regardless if their guests really can use/want them. But, as a bride on a budget, I cannot just throw money away on something I think is cute and not consider the appeal factor or usefulness for my guests.If you are the kind of person who thinks they really need to give an item since food and booze is a given at most weddings, think outside the box! There are many DIY tutorials to be found online, and especially on sites like Pinterest where you view many ideas at once. If Mod Podge and label making are not your thing however, you could turn the favor giving into a game! 

You could give $1 Lottery tickets as a favor and ask guests to scratch them off  at a specific time so the big winners can do a "victory dance" with the bride/groom. You could also have an online shop make personalized Fortune Cookies and have 3-5 have fortunes that say the guest has won a prize. Good Fortunes, Inc. will make up to 17 different messages inside their cookies and make custom logos for free. You can also get 500 cookies for $49 which is a steal (each of the 150 guests could have 3 cookies)! The "winning" fortunes could say you won a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or a mani-pedi for a female winner for example. You could also do a raffle and ask guests to "buy" tickets. 

I was at a wedding recently where the bride and groom had what I called a "tip jar or beggars cup" for a honeymoon. They placed a huge glass jug on the GIFT TABLE with a sign that said Honeymoon Fund. I thought this was the tackiest thing I had ever seen. I thought to myself, "Here I am placing the gifts I bought you from your registry on the table, and you are asking for another handout?" I mean I know weddings are expensive and the couple probably did not have much money left over for a honeymoon, but why be so forward about it? Some people thought this was "cute" but many people did not think kindly of the idea. 

I think a much classier way to go about this is to give guests the option to buy raffle tickets for a NICE item - and have the ticket money go towards a honeymoon or new house fund for the bride and groom. For example, say tickets are $1 each and each guest can buy as many as they like. The prize could be a $150 gift certificate to a fancy restaurant like Fogo de Chao or something like that. I bet a lot of people would drop $20 easily on tickets for a chance to win something nice, and it would go over much better than placing a jar on a gift table only to have guests drop pocket change and singles inside. Since we are not having a religious affiliated ceremony or reception I think we might do the Lottery ticket idea (some people can be very much offended by games of chance or gambling, the same goes for liquor as favors so keep this in mind). It would only cost us $150 and it would be a GREAT way to get guests involved on the dance floor!