Back Yard Weddings - Unexpected Issues

Young House Love

When I got engaged in December of 2013, I was taken completely by surprise. I did not expect it, anticipate it, or anything. My fiance did not even hint that this was going to happen either! He was able to cleverly hide his excitement because he proposed about two weeks before Christmas. Sneaky, sneaky...Anyway, I quickly went into a panic about a venue once the initial excitement subsided. 

My fiance and I have been together for a long time, so it is not like I have not looked up wedding stuff before. His parents knew of the proposal before my mom because my fiance had showed them the ring he bought me. As soon as we came out and made the "announcement" they wanted to know the date. Yes, right then and there (I mean after 6 1/2 years we should know right?). 

I wanted to get married 10 months later. I made this statement as very matter of fact that I wanted to get married on October 11, 2014. My fiance said that would be "fine" and basically left the planning in my hands. My mother, my fiance's friends & family, and everyone who would be coming seemed to be on board with this. So, into full-on bridezilla mode I went. 

I needed to find a venue yesterday, not today. I sent out a flood of e-mails literally the day after we got engaged asking about availability only to be shut down at every turn. Everything was booked - everything. And not just October either - everything to the end of the year was taken (barns and rustic outdoor venues). I had a meltdown. We were able to develop a theme, find a caterer, and the person who would be doing my dress - but no venue.

Regal Tent Productions

We then began milling over the possibility of having it down at my fiance's grandmothers home. My future father and sister in law made this suggestion early on but we did not really think about it until we discovered that we would not have a venue come October 2014. Another problem we were running into was that it was very hard to see the "vision" at some of these venues with 5 inches of snow on the ground.

Another issue that was brought into question was how to handle the elders who were mobility impaired. Basically, if we did not have the wedding - ceremony and reception - at grandma's, they would not be able to come at all. My fiances' grandmothers both need to have nurses and attendants 24/7 and one of my grandmothers is almost totally immobile. So we thought, this will be perfect! The venue would be free and the grandmothers would not be inconvenienced....In about three weeks time this all went down the drain. 

We did not realize how many obstacles we would run into with having a wedding at "home".

Destination Weddings

Tents:

We did find a local renter who could rent us a 40X80 tent for $1000. We actually called three rental places and only one was renting tents that had roll up sides. We thought that price was quite reasonable and there was plenty of room at grandma's for this. We also calculated the size of her back yard and figured we could get 40 cars to park in the grass and maybe 20 more along the road. Perfect! 

We planned on having an outside ceremony and an indoor/outdoor reception by using the tent. BUT we had to prepare for the worst case scenario that it could be cold and be pouring down rain. If this were to happen, everyone would need to be inside the tent and have it enclosed.

Apples & Onions

Lighting:

However, one day it suddenly hit me - lighting. Oh my gosh lighting. Now, my fiance and future father in law are the handiest people I know. They can electrify and plumb anything anywhere. However, I realized that if we have an October wedding, it will get dark at about 6:00. 

This meant that we would not only need lights in the parking area, but lights in the tent. The rental company did not rent lights - and I had only bought enough Christmas lights after the holiday season to use in the trees for the outdoor ceremony. The lights pictured above are called commercial grade cafe lights. They are used for outdoor weddings and inside barns because they are weatherproof. 

You CANNOT plug these in end-to-end. So you must have outlet access where ever you plan on using them. To get enough lights for the fence around the parking area, the tent, and promenade to the tent it would cost $1000-$1200. 

The tent we would be renting did not have the clear plastic windows, so if it were cold or rainy and needed to be enclosed, the inside would have to be illuminated. Plus, my father in law would have to put in an electrical box running from the house to the creek on grandma's property to plug things in. 

In addition: Most places where you rent tents will SPECIFICALLY tell you that you cannot use real candles inside their tents! This is quite common. So, if you thought of illuminating your tables with a zillion candles, you might be out of luck if you are renting a tent. 

Internachi

Bathrooms:

Bathrooms were the next hurdle. Grandma's house has three bathrooms - however one would be for exclusive use of myself, the bridesmaids, and the groom and groomsmen since it is located inside a bedroom. The second bathroom is only a half bath, and the third is handicapped accessible but it is in the middle of the house. While this would be great for the elders - having 130 people using basically one bathroom is not feasible on a septic tank. 

It would also cause an unacceptable line to the bathroom after dinner, and it would clog up the hallway leading to the kitchen that would be in full use by the caterer. We called Hoosier Portables about renting a Luxury Bathroom because port-o-pots would not work (not handicapped accessible and no running water). This would set us back an additional $1500 FOR ONE DAY.

The Pfister

Dance Floor:

The dance floor was another problem. The place that rented the tent would rent us a dance floor for an additional $100 I think. It was not very big - I am thinking it was 10X10 or 20X20. We busted out some graph paper and started drawing things in to figure out where we could place the dance floor and it became apparent that it would be a really tight fit. 

We had difficulties figuring out how to plan for a center aisle in case we had to hold the ceremony indoors due to rain. A promenade to the tent was another issue. If it happened to be really muddy or rainy, we did not want people slipping and sinking into the mud walking from their cars to the tent. However, we did plan to make a "boardwalk" out of pallet wood. 

Decoration0

Tables & Chairs:

We would also have to rent tables and chairs. Our local True Value Hardware was the cheapest renter we found. Chairs were $1 each for a Friday night drop off and Sunday morning pick up. Tables were I think $5 each, and their delivery fee was $35 since the store is so close to grandma's house. When it was all said and done it would be about $500 JUST TO RENT TABLES AND CHAIRS. 

Not only was this becoming a bit ridiculous with the budget, but then - they could not guarantee delivery until after 5:00 pm on Friday. This would not give us enough time to place the chairs outside for the ceremony and cover with tarps to be ready for Saturday, and it also meant we would have to do all the chair and table decorations on Saturday morning.  

DO NOT forget you will be having a rehearsal and dinner on the Friday night before your wedding! I totally forgot about this and the fact that my fiance and 6 groomsmen would be busy on Friday afternoon getting their final fittings at Men's Warehouse in Indianapolis and they would not be available to help. 

DO NOT underestimate the amount of time it will take you the morning of your wedding to set up the tables and tablescape! Remember that linens cannot be left out overnight because they will get dewy. Linens will also have to be pressed. If you are lighting the undersides of your tables, you will have to manage electrical and put on table skirts which can be tricky. If you can (if you are decorating yourself) do a dry run at home on a card table to time just how long it will take you to set up.

Catering Kitchen

Catering:

My fiances' grandmothers home was built to entertain. This was a major plus for us. We could rope off the back of the house and have the caterer make a seamless transition from her kitchen to the garage where buffet tables would be set up. 

The only problem with this is that it severely limited the use of one of the bathrooms. We did contemplate using her back patio as an area for the buffet. But, the tents the caterers use only cover the tables - they are NOT big enough to cover a large area. So, in other words we would have to rent a secondary tent for the food area if it were on the patio. This is why we settled on the garage.

However, there is a considerable distance between the garage/patio to where the tent would be placed. If it were raining, we would be forced to set up additional tables inside the main tent for chafing dishes which would take up a considerable amount of space.

Second Chances by Susan

Gift Tables & Extras:

Another thing that would take up a huge amount of space inside the tent would be tables for gifts and cards, the cake, snacks, A BAR, drink station, guest book, and TRASH. If the weather were inclement, everything would need to be in the main tent. We could have set up gifts and the cake inside the main house - but of course if it were raining and muddy we would not want guests tacking mud all over grandma's house. She would have a fit if that happened.

We figured we could do a guest book at the door, use one corner for buffet and snacks, one corner for bar and drinks, one corner for cake and gifts and cards, and one corner for a DJ or music station. 

Then I thought - oh my - one end of the tent would need to be used for a head table and two flanking tables for the groomsmen/bridesmaids and their spouses, and the parents. That only leaves two free corners inside the tent since a dance floor will be in the middle. This would be OK if we put gifts and cards in one corner, and we could put all buffet, drinks, snacks, and bar in another corner, but then that left ZERO room for a DJ. So, we would have to rent yet another tent to house either the food or the gifts and cake because there would not be enough room.

Pre-Owned Wedding Dresses

The Budget:

We had it in our minds that we would be saving gobs of cash by having the wedding at grandma's house as well. I mean think about it - free land, free main house, free creek side ceremony! But things added up SO QUICKLY that it became a ridiculous idea to even try and have it in her backyard. Then when I thought about it some more, I thought "I bet most brides would run into the same problems we did when planning a backyard wedding".  

Here is a breakdown for comparison:

One Tent - $1000
Additional Tent(s) - $500
Bathroom - $1500
Lighting - $1200
Dance Floor - $100
Tables & Chairs - $500
Total: - $4800

This does not even begin to include a caterer, DJ, decorations, cake, snacks, drinks, bar, dress, and all the other expenses that come with a wedding! For $4800, most people can find an amazing venue that already has bathrooms, chairs, and tables included in the price for much less than $4800. 

It was when I brought this to my fiance's attention that we knew we could not use grandma's house for the wedding and we would not be getting married this year. Luckily, we did not tell anyone about our plan on having a wedding in 2014 so no plane tickets or reservations were made. By bumping the date to October 2015, this gives us plenty of time to find a venue that is in our budget and relax!

And don't worry! We did not forget about the grandmothers! Understanding that they would not be able to travel to wherever we decided to have the wedding, we did decide to hold a "grandmother ceremony" at her house. We will get a small cake and a photographer and I can wear my dress for them to see in the fall of 2014. Having a 10 person ceremony at grandma's house is totally acceptable and do-able, a 150 person party is not.

Wedding Favors - The Pros and Cons of Trinkets vs. Treats and the Fun Factor

I found these wedding favors a few years back on MyWeddingFavors and I thought, "OMG I MUST HAVE THESE FOR MY WEDDING!" Peas and peapods have always been a special thing for my fiance and I despite the fact that they usually bring to mind new babies and expectant mothers. We did decide to have a little bit of a pea pod theme incorporated into our fall wedding by using a custom made pea pod cake topper and green for one of the main colors. When I first found the above salt & pepper shakers I thought how cute would these be to give as favors?! Then I really got to thinking about it...

Fast forward to now as I am currently planning my own wedding and the idea of favors just seems a little unnecessary to me. In the past 5 years I have been to I believe 7 weddings. Each of those weddings had favors of some kind, but I must admit that I did not keep any of the non-edible favors. Three weddings had personalized votive candles. Each had their name and wedding date with a simple vanilla scented candle. While I took mine home and used it, I threw the votive away when the candle was through because who really wants a trinket with someone else's name and wedding date on it? At one wedding, the votive candles were so well incorporated into the couples tablescape that only a handful of the 200+ guests knew/realized they were supposed to take the candle as a favor!

At other weddings I attended, the trinket style favors included matchbooks, drink holders, pens, and personalized bell Christmas ornaments, in addition to the votive candle holders. Some weddings also had more than one favor. As I priced out the adorable pea pod shakers as favors for myself - at 150 favors that would be a whopping $450 in JUST the favors - not including shipping. Personalization of the labels is extra as well, so really it would cost me about $500 to get these favors for my wedding. Not only is that WAY too expensive for my budget but really, who would want these or use them? They are porcelain and they are salt and pepper shakers. Of all my friends and family members, most of them use salt and pepper crackers that you get generic from the grocery for $1. Let's face it, most people my age will not ever go to the trouble of filling a salt and pepper shaker. As a vintage dealer, have sold quite a few S&P's to collectors but again, they are not typically used. So, unless you had a display area, these would be taken home and likely tossed in a drawer to be forgotten or handed over to Goodwill.

My mother and I were discussing favors the other day and she thinks this concept is so foreign, and yet I know many people who are adamant that something be offered at the table. My mother likened the idea of favors at a wedding to a gift bag filled with Crayons and candy you hand out at a child's birthday party. However, I do feel it is important to offer something as a "Thank You" to the guests. Interestingly, my notion that trinket type favors are on the outs with brides and guests alike was bolstered by a forum I found on WeddingWire where a person asked, "Do Guests Really Want Wedding Favors?". The overwhelming majority answered "no", but did agree that edible favors would go over better.

After sorting the pros and cons with various kinds of favors (which I will list below) I concluded we will do an edible favor - cookies to be exact. I really loved the idea above that I found on Pinterest. It had no link associated with it, but these are Anchor Hocking jars that you can get at Wal-Mart for $9.97 each. I personally despise shopping at Wal-Mart but the truth of the matter is that these 2-gallon cookie jars are MADE IN THE USA by Anchor Hocking and they are extremely nice and Wal-Mart has the cheapest price.

While this is a very nice and appealing display for cookies, the problem with a "buffet style" get-your-own treat bar is guests that over serve themselves. My mother told me while she was researching the cookie favor option, many brides regretted having a serve yourself cookie bar. Not only would guests graze on cookies all night long, but then they would take SEVERAL fill-your-own-bags home for coworkers, neighbors, and friends. It would never occur to me personally to scoop up handfuls of goodies at a WEDDING to pass out to acquaintances, but this apparently happened often enough for several online forums to be dedicated to it.  While the idea IS for the cookies to be eaten by everyone, it seemed that if people were given the option to "take at will", only about half of the guests would get any at all! To eliminate guests from packing 20 cookies into a bag designed to hold 4, we will be making our own personalized bags and place ONE at each table setting that will contain 4 different cookies. If there are any cookies left over, they will be placed on a platter alongside cupcakes and other various small treats to be eaten as "extras" for dessert.

Cookies are not the only treat where you can run into serving issues. You get into the same problems with self-serve candy and popcorn bars. If there are children at your reception, they will inevitably stick their bare hands right into jars forgoing the use of tongs or scoops to grab a treat. You will also notice that the glass jars above have lids - many couples do not take into account that the lids will need space to be set down while guests are serving themselves. You cannot really hold a bag, a heavy glass lid, and a scoop/tongs at the same time. This can also lead to placing bare hands into vessels which can be a HUGE turn off for some people. And do not EVEN get me started on chocolate fountains! Thank goodness they are going out of style, because I honestly cannot think of a worse thing to have at a wedding than a chocolate fountain. Not only will kids stick their hands or faces directly under the molten chocolate (I personally witnessed this happen at two weddings) but guests will not think twice about double dipping a crispy treat they have already bitten into. The fountain becomes an edible Petri dish in no time flat...GROSS! 

Anyway, without further ado, I will go over my pros and cons with various kinds of trinkets and why you might want to opt for an edible favor instead of an item.

The Place Card Holder as a Favor: 

The above place card holders were found at MyWeddingFavors and I thought they would be really cute for a vintage or steampunk theme wedding. If you are having a plated meal you MUST use place cards of some kind so guests know where to sit...but then using the holder as a favor? Why? I mean really, how many guests for one will WANT a single place card holder as a favor and two, who would assume this to be a favor? And yet, there are many sites that suggest using a place card holder to double as a favor. The holders above cost about $1.40 a piece or roughly $210 for 150 guests. If you were to go with an option like this, I would suggest you use them as part of your tablescape then resell them after the wedding.

Better Idea:  

Found at The Knot, here someone used real Clementine oranges or Cuties to hold the place card. Guests can eat these once they are seated and you can make your OWN little tag for the top really easily! You get, what, 30 oranges in a crate for $5 at the grocery? That is only about $0.16 per cardholder or $24 for 150 guests. You could use recycled paper you already have for the tags as well.

Bottle Openers: 

Also found at MyWeddingFavors are these really cute bottle openers. Bottle openers have become very en vogue as wedding favors in the past few years. I believe this might have something to do with the rising popularity of craft beers that have caps that actually come off with a bottle opener. But, unless you are drinking a craft beer I could not tell you the last time I opened a beer or soda that did not have a screw top. Now, I am not a beer drinker myself but we do get beers every once in a while to use for cooking chili. Not once have I ever opened one having to use an opener. You get into the same problem with corkscrews. Odds are, everyone who has wine in their homes already has 3-4 corkscrews so why would they need another? The above openers are quite pricy as well. They are a whopping $2.70 EACH so for 150 guests that would be $405 without shipping. 

Better Idea:  

Coasters! The above coasters I found being handmade from Etsy seller Vermont Branch Company. Most people can, do, and will use coasters. I use coasters at home because I have a glass top coffee table and they are great to have on hand for parties and holiday get-togethers. The above artisan coasters come out to about $3 each ($450 for 150 guests), but coaster are so easy to make yourself if you went with this as a favor option for your wedding. Coasters are a great option because what you can do is get CHEAP "tumbled" tile from a hardware store like Lowe's or Home Depot and you can customize them yourself for often less than $0.25 each. I bet you could whip up coasters for 150 guests at about $40 total cost.

Cute Yet Odd Kitchen Item Favors: 

In recent years bizarre kitchen related items have made their way into wedding favor territory. For example, the personalized honey pots above. Going in the vane of salt and pepper shakers, who uses honey pots today? I collect vintage honey pots and jars but I never use them since my honey comes in its own glass jar from the farmers market. Other items cropping up as favors are mini whisks, ice cube trays, silicone cupcake cups for baking, cookie cutters, measuring spoons, and so on. Unless you or your spouse are bakers or chefs and everyone was aware of that fact, I think giving a kitchen staple that everyone already has is just silly. The kitchen items also seem to be really pricy. The honey pots are $3.70 EACH or $555 for 150 favors.

Better Idea: 

Why not give ACTUAL honey as a favor if you want to use a cooking/baking theme for the gift? These small jars of clover honey can be personalized and are small enough for 2-3 breakfast uses. These come out to about $3 each or about $450 for 150 jars. Again, this is likely something you could get MUCH cheaper from a local bee keeper and you could tie your own twine around the lids and make your own labels. The same holds true for locally made jellies, jams, and salsas.

Things that Smell: 

It seems like today everyone has a "thing" with things that smell - and that "thing" is almost always negative. This includes soaps, candles, perfumes, sachets, potpourris, etc. Not only do you have to be concerned with allergies and headaches, but if you opt for something scented you can bet only a fraction of your guests will like it. For example, most votive candles that you can get at any of a zillion wedding favor stores online use vanilla as the scent - if you do not like vanilla you likely do not have an alternate smell choice. Soaps have become more popular for use in rustic themed weddings as well. The lovely burlap wrapped soaps above are sold by Etsy seller CountryChicSoaps. While these are homemade and probably smell really great, I am actually allergic to many oils people put into homemade soaps. For whatever reason they make my hands puff up, and I also have friends who are allergic to fancy soaps. At $1.65 each ($247.50 for 150) for the soaps above, this makes a really elegant statement...but it would not be appreciated if your guests were turned off by the scent.

Better Idea: 

Wedding seed packets! At WeddingPackets, they make customized seed pouches of your choice to offer as a favor. These are really easy for guests to use because most seeds you can just dump in the soil and lightly cover in the fall and they come up in the spring. Furthermore, most people like flowers even if they are allergic since they can be enjoyed by looking outdoors from inside your house. The ones sold through Wedding Packets are only $0.31 each or $46.50 for 150 packets. However, you could make your own for pennies each and create your own wildflower mix if you wished! 

The Verdict: 

Basically, I cannot really find much fault with edible favors. Especially with cookies - who does NOT like cookies? I know some couples want to make a statement with their favors regardless if their guests really can use/want them. But, as a bride on a budget, I cannot just throw money away on something I think is cute and not consider the appeal factor or usefulness for my guests.If you are the kind of person who thinks they really need to give an item since food and booze is a given at most weddings, think outside the box! There are many DIY tutorials to be found online, and especially on sites like Pinterest where you view many ideas at once. If Mod Podge and label making are not your thing however, you could turn the favor giving into a game! 

You could give $1 Lottery tickets as a favor and ask guests to scratch them off  at a specific time so the big winners can do a "victory dance" with the bride/groom. You could also have an online shop make personalized Fortune Cookies and have 3-5 have fortunes that say the guest has won a prize. Good Fortunes, Inc. will make up to 17 different messages inside their cookies and make custom logos for free. You can also get 500 cookies for $49 which is a steal (each of the 150 guests could have 3 cookies)! The "winning" fortunes could say you won a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or a mani-pedi for a female winner for example. You could also do a raffle and ask guests to "buy" tickets. 

I was at a wedding recently where the bride and groom had what I called a "tip jar or beggars cup" for a honeymoon. They placed a huge glass jug on the GIFT TABLE with a sign that said Honeymoon Fund. I thought this was the tackiest thing I had ever seen. I thought to myself, "Here I am placing the gifts I bought you from your registry on the table, and you are asking for another handout?" I mean I know weddings are expensive and the couple probably did not have much money left over for a honeymoon, but why be so forward about it? Some people thought this was "cute" but many people did not think kindly of the idea. 

I think a much classier way to go about this is to give guests the option to buy raffle tickets for a NICE item - and have the ticket money go towards a honeymoon or new house fund for the bride and groom. For example, say tickets are $1 each and each guest can buy as many as they like. The prize could be a $150 gift certificate to a fancy restaurant like Fogo de Chao or something like that. I bet a lot of people would drop $20 easily on tickets for a chance to win something nice, and it would go over much better than placing a jar on a gift table only to have guests drop pocket change and singles inside. Since we are not having a religious affiliated ceremony or reception I think we might do the Lottery ticket idea (some people can be very much offended by games of chance or gambling, the same goes for liquor as favors so keep this in mind). It would only cost us $150 and it would be a GREAT way to get guests involved on the dance floor!