Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.

Dissecting 15 Wedding Trends of 2014

Hype Events

April has arrived! In season weddings have officially begun! And, well, so have the "new trends" that will be plastering the pages of Bride Magazine for the rest of the year. Coming off the heels of fun Santa filled Christmas themed weddings, unavoidably cheesy Valentine's Day weddings, and the best reason to get drunk at St. Patrick's Day weddings, spring and summer wedding trends have hit the books - and have thrown up all over Pinterest.

I never really understood how "wedding trends" really worked. A large number of people spend 18 months planning a wedding. So, in reality you will have your wedding planned before the "newest trend" comes around. This has me personally peeved because the theme I chose back in December of 2013 of a "woodsy/woodland" theme is now being touted as a hot 2014 theme - which will probably make my October 2015 wedding look like something everyone has seen before. Oh well, I love it and will do it anyway!

Anyway, without further ado, here is my take on 2014 wedding trends.

1.) Crop Top Wedding Dresses: Huh? I had no idea we were in a flashback to a 90's episode of Blossom where it was cute to wear a crop top with suspenders and stove pipe Pluggs. Unless you are a stick like Keira Knightly and have no boobs, you will just look like your top is too short or you forgot the middle part of your dress.

2.) Pastels: You know those nasty Easter colored mints that used to be served at weddings along side a big tub of peanuts? Yes, those. The colors of those chalky squares are now "hot" wedding colors for bridesmaids dresses. This is a fact: your pale, short, slightly out of shape bridesmaids will look like washed out extras from Twilight in a pastel dress. Pastels on adult women can read so childlike and Eastery - couple that with a cutsie style and all they will need are Halloween fairy wings made out of glittery panty hose to complete the look.

3.) Woodland/Fairy/Lord of the Rings Themes: Maybe the baby pastels with wings will work if you are doing this up and coming theme. Facing backlash from the "rustic burlap bride" craze, these same brides who want a perfect blend of casual and elegant without drifting into rodeo hoedown territory are going this route (me included). However, for whatever reason there are dozens of Pinterest pins that feature weddings that look like Aragorn is marrying Arwyn in the Shire complete with elves, gnomes, and toadstools with barefoot bridesmaids waving streamer wands. IT IS A WEDDING, NOT A COSTUME PARTY, DAMMIT!

Green Wedding Shoes

4.) HUGE Ridiculous Bouquets & Flower Arrangements: On average a bride will spend $1,800 on flowers. JUST FLOWERS! But now it seems as if that price could skyrocket with the humungous flower trend of 2014. Brides want massive arrangements to take over their tables - so much so they forget guests cannot see over all that crap while they eat. Plus, they want to carry a massive, cascading spread as well or are opting for paper/fake blooms that look like they came straight out of Alice in Wonderland. At this point, why not just go to Lowe's and buy a 2 gallon potted mum to carry or a giant stuffed animal from a carnival?

5.) Unplugged or Super-Plugged Ceremonies: Oh, but wait, let me take a selfie! God. I agree with a large number of brides who are asking/demanding that guests put their two-foot long Galaxy away for 20 minutes while you say your nuptials. Nothing is more ridiculous than when you get your professional photos back that you payed a good chunk of change on only to see everyone with a stupid phone in their hand as you walk down the aisle. Then there are those other brides. The ones who create a Facebook page, Twitter, personalized hashtag, Instagram, website, etc. just for their wedding and encourage people to snap away and otherwise be totally self absorbed in their phones all night.

6.) Bright and Weirdly Paired Color Combinations: Sometimes I have to ask myself if a bride stopped at a taco truck at the state fair and suddenly had an epiphany that she needs ALL THOSE COLORS at her wedding. I am talking about John Deere green, royal blue, fire engine red, and sunflower yellow - all at the same time. Okay, we get it, it is the 4th of July. But, your colors should not remind us of a package of Franks or a baseball game. Unless you have a lot of white/ivory in your wedding you run the risk of it looking like a box of Legos with all those primary colors. I myself love, LOVE color but keeping it in moderation/adjusting the hue of the colors will work best for a wedding.   

Zazzle

7.) Small & Simple Invitations: This is actually a good thing. I think not only brides but people in general realized that an elaborate, expensive, multi-folding masterpiece of stationary is a total waste of money given that the second after they are opened, they end up in the garbage. Not to mention you wasted a whole tree on printing out tiny maps that are too small to read, a picture of the couple that everyone has seen already on Facebook, and an RSVP that the guest will ultimately not put their name on so you have no idea who returned it to you. Less is more, when and where is sufficient, and anything supplementary you can put on your wedding website. Ditch the RSVP cards all together and save on postage - guests can call or e-mail you instead.

8.) "Naked Cakes" and Odd Fillings: As far as my mother, grandmother, and future in-laws are concerned there are two kinds of wedding cake flavors: vanilla and chocolate. While it is nothing new that brides also like to pick from red velvet, almond, and lemon, icingless cakes and questionable fillings are rearing their ugly heads. "I am having a coconut cake with sangria flavored jelly filling and key lime icing"...What? The more specific you get with your cake the less likely people are going to eat it. Keep this in mind when you are plunking down $4.00 a slice and if you care or not if it ends up in the trash after one bite. Also, people LOVE BUTTER CREAM ICING - do not rob your guests on the real reason they came to the wedding (okay, maybe not, but people do love cake AND icing).

9:) Blinged out Necklaces, Bracelets, and Belts: Us brides love our bling. We just do! But the new 2014 trend is for a bride to be in a simple, notice I said simple dress and have a huge, sparkling statement necklace and bracelet. This can go so bad so fast. I can see it now - a bride will pair one of this hideously and cheaply made rhinestone bibs with an already blinged out ball gown. She will look like a TLC Gypsy bride or a belly dancer - especially if she wears one of those aforementioned crop-top dresses. MODERATION LADIES, MODERATION!

Bridal Guide

10.) Edible Wedding Favors: HALLELUJAH! Brides finally got the hint that no one wants another silly shot glass with their wedding date etched on it! This holds true for personalized drink cozies, mini picture frames, single card holders, or other chotski that will end up at Goodwill or in the garbage. The only favor anyone will appreciate is one they can eat - 'nuff said. Cookies, chocolate, honey, BBQ sauce, salsa, etc. will be taken, used, consumed, enjoyed and probably remembered. They will not remember the cheapy pen that never worked from the second they picked it up from the guest book table.

11.) Elaborate Photo Booths: Photo booths became a trend several years ago and despite the fact that a lot of brides seem to think they are overdone, guests LOVE THEM! A photo booth is great for many reasons. People do not attend weddings often, so they likely have never seen one at a wedding before. People love to take photos, and they get to take a strip with them as a favor. You as a bride also get a copy to keep for yourself because every bride wants a picture of great-aunt Ethel in a disco afro (don't we all?). People get bored at weddings and not everyone dances, so this gives them something to do. And now, booths are getting more elaborate than ever with trunks of props, body length shots, they are BIG enough to get 15 people in one image, you can make movies in some of the new models, etc. Budget permitting, I am having one at my wedding - I know you will be jealous.

12.) Having Swanky Servers for BBQ: Now this is something I do not understand at all. Not only do brides want ushers (like your immature male cousins and geeky brother) to be in tuxedos like her fiance and groomsmen, but they are also expected to wear white gloves to shuffle people to their seats. Same for buffet meals featuring gussied up servers. I am sorry, but I thought buffet meant you got off your rear and got your food yourself? Oh no. Such savagery. Now, brides want to make their cheap BBQ more elegant by having white-glove wearing servers at each aluminum pan to gracefully slop pulled pork onto a plastic plate. Now that screams elegance. If you think having a self-serve buffet is too "steerage class of the Titanic" JUST HAVE A FLIPPING PLATED MEAL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

New York Mag

13.) Brides on a Budget: I guess it took a more than a few episodes of Four Weddings to get brides to realize that the $10K wedding always wins when put up against the $80K wedding. Brides are finally understanding that they do not need to drain their parents bank account (or their own for that matter) to have a nice wedding! More brides are taking up DIY projects, chopping the guest list, eliminating appetizers, hosting cash bars, and hoarding half off coupons for Hobby Lobby and Micheal's, anything to save a buck! I am a vintage dealer - I take no shame in digging a salvageable chair out of your trashcan. So, I am not ashamed to brag I am getting my flowers from an online wholesaler, my dress was pre-owned, and I am not spending any more than $14.00 a plate for food per guest. It seems that many 2014 brides feel the same as I do. Besides, when you boast to people about your wedding costing more than a house you automatically come across as a massive snob and people will say your wedding sucks if it does not meet the expectations of a Kardashian. 

14.) Old Hollywood Themes: This seems to contradict the idea that brides are trying to save money...Another trend still going strong from last year is the "Old Hollywood", "Roaring Twenties", or "Great Gatsby" theme. Everything is gold, everything is crystallized, candles are everywhere, people have ostrich feathers in their hair, birdcage veils, rhinestones, glitter, and pearls. I am all about a girl embracing her theme, but all this decor going on is going to make your wedding look like a caravan belonging to a traveling fortune teller. Furthermore, all this elaborate decor, an "era specific dress", historic get-away car, an olde-tyme pianist named Sam playing "As Time Goes By", and other period touches are not cheap to buy or rent. And again, it is SO EASY to drift so far into masquerade party territory that it no longer resembles a wedding. Also, I would like to take a poll in regards to how many 20-something brides have actually read the Great Gatsby...

15.) All Nighter or All Weekend Long Weddings: Now this is just plain ridiculous and unnecessary. Some couples are using their wedding as a means to start a party on Friday night, and make it last until Sunday morning. In short, it gives guests the green light to start drinking heavily at the rehearsal dinner, drink all through the wedding, then party until dawn on Sunday. Not only will this probably create some embarrassing moments at your wedding courtesy of your Uncle Bob and half the groomsmen, but if they get really out of hand you might need to call security, a cab or other "collection service", or even the police or hospital if guests get too out of hand. Don't make the elders attending your wedding feel like they suddenly entered a frat party or a rave or abruptly have to leave because your bridesmaids start booty-popping on a table. Be respectful of your guests and keep it classy. If people are still in party mode, arrange an after party somewhere else and they can hire their own cab to take them back to their respective hotels.

Keep in mind this is all in good fun and congratulations to all the 2014 brides! What is your take on some of this years "hot trends"?