Trash The Dress - Safety & Sentiment: The Fad You Might Regret

Pirates of the Caribbean Wiki

The first time I heard of the concept "Trash the Dress", I honestly did not really know what it meant. I thought maybe it was a runway term where a model walks the catwalk in couture but has mud smeared all over it? Then I remembered a funny Pinterest pin where a bride and her bridesmaids got 1980's prom dresses and went paint balling in them for the bachelorette party. I guess I did not realize it pertained to wedding dresses, being worn by real brides, and they usually jump into a pool or lake in their gown so they can have photos taken of the sight.

When I understood that was what "Trash the Dress" meant, the FIRST thing that popped in my head was the scene from Pirates of the Caribbean when Elizabeth Swann faints and falls into the ocean with her dress acting as an anchor. Captain Jack Sparrow then has to rescue her by ripping her gown off and cutting her corset to prevent her from drowning...yes...drowning. In fact, if you go to Wikipedia and look up Trash the Dress, the latter part of the short article is about a Montreal woman who drowned in a river when the water swept her away during her Trash the Dress photo shoot. The weight of the wet dress pulled her down river and she could not be saved.

Bliss Bride

Of course you do not have to get into the water; you can throw paint on each other, or mud. But why? What is the point of this? I asked this question on my WeddingWire page because I thought this concept was silly. Yes, silly - like something little kids would do. I guess I see things differently because I am a vintage dealer. I see hope and promise in all the garments I sell and if someone else can wear it or use it, I am all for it. Furthermore, if you really do not want to deal with your dress again after you wear it to your wedding, you can donate it so someone else can have the chance to be a beautiful bride too.

Most wedding dresses today are made of polyester, which can get wet and dry just fine. But if the thread used to sew the gown together is cotton, once it it saturated it will never be the same. Likely, it will in fact ruin the gown even if you take it to a dry cleaner because it will cause irreversible puckering. If you have any real silk/charmeuse/georgette on your gown, it will also be ruined if it gets wet because it will completely lose shape. However, since most dresses today are made of 100% washable fabrics, some will hold up just fine if they are washed in a bathtub or worn by a bride jumping into a pool.

Middle Child Photography

But what about truly trashing a dress? Obviously if you and your groom throw paint on each other it will likely never come clean. Likewise, if you are going to "waller" in a mud hole you will likely rip and tear your gown on any rocks or sticks that might be in the pit. Then the pictures...oh my the pictures. Yes some photos online of models floating in a pool wearing their gowns looks etherial, but notice I said models. Most underwater shots take a team of photographers and people to assist the model. Then pictures are Photoshopped heavily so the girl does not look like a downing victim.

When I started looking online at some various photographers who did Trash the Dress photos, most of them looked NOTHING like the "magazine shots". In fact, many of them were a hot mess. Faces were obstructed by hair and veils, makeup running, "fish faces" when holding breath, the mud looked like poo, etc. Even if your pictures turned out really cute, funny, or you as a bride were otherwise pleased with them, your family will gasp - and not the good kind when you show them. You can bet your family members will be aghast that you would ruin your dress. You can also bet your mother/grandmother will say you look like hell and "it is such a same" you ruined your gown. It is one thing to dip your toes in the ocean at your beach wedding - it is another to have photos taken of you covered in seaweed looking like Swamp Thing while wearing your gown.

Evan Bishop Photography

In speaking of mothers and grandmothers, are they paying for your dress? If they are, you might want to think twice about the backlash you may receive from them if you destroy your dress. Yes, having a family member pay for your gown is a gift, but do not even think for a second that the sweater Grams gave you for Christmas is even remotely the same as them buying your wedding gown. 

Even if you are paying for your dress yourself, what if in the future you want a cocktail dress made from your gown? What if a friend falls on hard times and she would love to wear your dress? What if you fall on hard times and need to sell it? What if you have a daughter who wants to wear your gown someday? If your dress is ruined during your Trash session - intended or not - you really cannot use the dress ever again and no one else will be able to wear it. Just keep future possibilities in mind before you do something rash with your dress that you might regret later.

I mean really, to each is own when it comes to your clothing. However, remember that your wedding dress is probably the only thing your family will ever remember you wearing. You never know if someone will want to see it again or wear it again in the future. So, obviously if your dress is trashed it will end up in the actual trash. Everyone knows your dress is likely only going to be worn once, but that does not mean that it is a good idea to destroy it. A wedding dress is one of the most recyclable garments you will ever own. Not only could someone else wear the whole thing again, but you could reuse the veil or different parts of the dress for other things. When I asked the question on WeddingWire, the overwhelming response is that most brides would NEVER consider trashing their dresses citing sentimental value, re-usability, backlash from others, etc.

My Wedding Nigeria

If you as a bride are dead set on Trashing the Dress, there are a few things to consider. If your parents or family bought your dress for you, you might want to go ahead and buy a CHEAP dupe dress from an online seller to trash. Some of the dupes are less than $100 and you can still keep your real gown. That way, you can have your fun photos and it will not be something your mother brings up every now and again since you will still have your real dress.

No mater what dress you choose to wear during your trash session, keep in mind SAFETY above all else. If you decide to jump into a pool in your gown, make sure you can touch the bottom the whole time. If you want to know how heavy a WET wedding gown can be...wrap a bunch of towels around you and jump into the pool as a trial run. You can get wet towels off a whole lot faster and easier than a wet wedding dress. DO NOT wade into a river that has a current - it takes no time at all to slip on a rock and get swept away. Not to mention your gown can get caught on anything and drag you under. You really might want a dupe dress if you are going into water because it will not have a liner and it will be made of a lighter weight fabric in almost all instances.

VO Photographers

Take equal safety precautions if you are using PAINT. I saw a photo online where the bride and groom were using REAL SPRAY PAINT on each other (pics were taken inside an old garage and I cannot find the photo for the life of me). Spray paint can kill you if you inhale it and it can severely irritate your skin. Make sure you use kids finger paint - it is soap and water clean up and I believe it is non-toxic. Kids paint CAN still stain however, so even if it is washed it might leave a tinge of color in the fabric.

You can use icing instead of mud. No bride wants to get ringworm the day after her wedding by playing in the mud. Not to mention if you really are tromping in mud, you are probably rolling in animal poo, road waste, fertilizer runoff, etc. Hell, if you are going to go that route it would be much easier to get some clearance cakes from the grocery and throw that all over each other if you are so inclined. You get the same affect without the worry of getting poo in your mouth.

Sarah Sun Photography

Here is another idea. How about instead of truly trashing your dress, you take some "trashy" photos instead? Not trashy as in trashy, but I think a photo of a bride in her crisp white dress in an unconventional setting is much more striking. Consider taking pictures in front of a graffiti filled tunnel, sitting atop some dumpsters, standing on a junked car, walking though an abandoned building, etc. You still get that "trashed" look without actually messing up your dress.

Also consider when you plan on doing this. Some brides opt to do this kind of thing the morning after her wedding so the bridesmaids can get in on the photos too. Make sure this will not interfere with family travel plans, brunch, honeymoon packing, etc. A typical trash the dress session can take 2-3 hours of your time. Also make sure your groom is not wearing his rented tux for this...If you plan on doing it a few weeks later, you might want to get your hair and makeup done if you are not going to have your head under water. Maybe get another bouquet so you can have true "bridal" look. This should be considered an added expense to your overall wedding budget as well.

Knight Image Photography

Above all other things, keep in mind that "Trashing the Dress" is a FAD. It will likely go away in a few years. This means in the future, anyone looking at pictures of a trash session will likely see it as being tacky or weird. Like when my parents got married in the 1970s it was the "in thing" to superimpose pictures. So, there are pictures of their wedding where there is a huge head up in the corner of a shot of the church, or a silhouette of a head with the cake in the center... It looks totally bizarre by today's standards, but it was a fad back then that was very popular. 

Despite the fact there are always new "must have" wedding photos that crop up, they will of course become tired fads that no one will care to see anymore (wedding party jumping for no reason, groomsmen wearing superhero t-shirts, "tiny" bride being stepped on by her husband, zombie apocalypse attacking the reception), Trashing the Dress is the only one that actually involves potentially/actually destroying  your gown. If the only reason you are wanting to do a trash session is for the photos, keep in mind that your future children will probably think it is silly, senseless, and "not cool".

How to ask for Cash or Unconventional Gifts at a Wedding without being TOTALLY Tacky

The Manor Restaurant

For some young couples, their wedding is the one and only time they can ask for literally an entire store and they might actually get most of it. This is the whole point of wedding registries! Young couples starting out often have absolutely nothing to start their new lives with. In fact, of the weddings I have attended about half the couples did not even have kitchen basics like dishes and glasses or bedding or linens. You must think too that perhaps the groom's "bachelor crates-for-end tables" will not go over well with his new bride.

Young people just do not tend to amass a plethora of household items unless they really need them. Most 20 somethings also live at home while they attend college or end up moving back home after they graduate. So, there is no need for a single person to buy a blender or toaster for themselves since they can use their parent's stuff. This is why wedding registries are so important for couples!

Nonchalant Living

But, what happens if you really do not need anything? With more couples getting married for the first time later in life, the odds of both the bride and groom living alone previously or cohabitating and already owning kitchen staples and furniture is more common. This is the exact dilemma I have found myself in.

I have been buying and selling vintage and antique items since I was 16 years old. Needless to say, I need no furniture. I also have a house. The home belonged to my grandmother and my mom held onto it as a rental after she died. I currently use it as my office and a photo studio. This spring it will be cleaned out and my office will be relocated into my barn so my fiance and I can actually live in the house once we get married. Although my fiance and I have never cohabitated in the 6 1/2 years we have been together, I am already certain we do not need any items that traditionally appear on a gift registry.

I inherited about 20 "kitchen do-dads" from my wonderful Aunt Kelly 3 years ago when my grandmother moved in with her and my uncle. She filled my car with all kinds of cool loot! Other things like blenders, Cuisinarts, and coffee makers, I have picked up over the years for next to nothing at auctions. I knew I would need these items one day, so if I could get a brand new Crockpot for $1 at an auction, I bought it. 

Wedding Paper Divas

In years past it was extremely faux-pas to give cash for gifts at weddings (I understand this is a regional thing). You just did not do it. Just like some people today still feel that giving gift cards at Christmas is the "lazy way out". I do not see it like that at all. I would much rather give a gift card or money to someone so they can get what they want instead of getting some trinket they will never use. 

The situation is a bit different with a wedding. Guests coming to your wedding really do like having the opportunity to help you out as you start a new chapter of your life. But, older generations still do balk at the idea of just giving money. And it is really tacky for a couple to just ask for cash. It is even more crass to be cutesie about it and have cash grabs at the wedding - I absolutely abhor "dollar dances" and "money trees" and "honeymoon jars" at weddings if it is not in your culture to do so - it is in such bad taste. 

However, with more and more couples cohabitating before marriage, registries are needed to let people know what you need since you likely have a bunch of stuff already. This is sort of  why wedding registries were invented - wealthy families would usually set the new couple up with expensive staples. Then, they could ask others for things that would last them for the next 20 years like silverware, bedding, dishes, etc. They were designed to let others know what a new couple would need to set up housekeeping and not have them end up with 10 toasters and one linen napkin. However, I just cannot get behind the idea of doing a registry for a bunch of "matchy" stuff that I honestly do not need or want - or that will break, wear out, or go out of style within 3 years. Things made today are not meant to last like they did 30 years ago.

Guest of a Guest

I am not alone in this idea that traditional wedding registries are rather dated in not practical for most modern couples. I was actually researching how to ask for "non-gifts" instead of "stuff" online and came across several posts and articles regarding this very issue. 

Almost everyone agrees that it is still in really bad taste to ask for a monetary hand out - but I think it is equally as ridiculous to put 100 things on a registry for crap you don't really need just for the sake of giving guests a list of stuff to pick from so they arrive with something in hand. 

I am personally TOTALLY FINE with our guests arriving at our wedding without a gift, but I know most guests would never think of attending without bringing one. It is far more important to me that guests come to our wedding and have a good time - not that they come bearing a gift.

If you really do not need traditional things that appear on wedding registries you can ask for or suggest the following instead.

Home Food Safety

Stuff A Couple Can Do Together:

Guests can scour Groupon for coupons for picnics, winery tours, guided nature walks, rock climbing lessons, zip line runs, etc. to give to the newlyweds. You can present the coupon inside a little picnic basket with some fresh fruit and cheese. Maybe some sparkling grape juice and a couple of plastic fluted glasses (be park friendly with plastic)! Suggest the couple make a day or a weekend of the event. As a couple, this is SO EASY to ask for especially if you have a website for your wedding. 

For example, my fiance and I are very active and outdoorsy and most of our friends and family know this. If you think your guests need hints, instead of having a link to 3-4 registries you can have a "Things We Love" page. Guests will get the idea very quickly and it gives them the opportunity to get creative with their gift. I would personally LOVE this as a gift! I know I would totally treasure a nature walk courtesy of Uncle "X" over a set of knives or tumblers.

Visit My Smokies

Help Pay For A Honeymoon:

This has become a very common gift request in recent years - but it is not always handled very well. For whatever reason, couples think it is OK to do a "honeymoon fund jar" at the wedding. So, in addition to guests bringing gifts they are then presented with another request for a handout...very tacky. Most couples tend to go on cruises or travel abroad for their honeymoons, which can get really expensive and it won't be something dollars and change in a jar will pay for. 

However, on the flip side of this just as many couples are delaying their honeymoons because more and more couples are footing the bills for their own weddings. Couples on a tight budget might want to have a nice reception for close friends and family and they really might not ever be able to afford a honeymoon. 

If this is the case, I see nothing wrong with asking for money to either help pay for the wedding or the honeymoon as the primary gift. Notice I said primary - do not ask or expect guests to buy you a wrapped gift and then give money too. You can set up your wedding website with a Paypal account for guests to send you money for a honeymoon - which in reality you can use for anything you wanted. You can also use the Paypal account idea for another reason...

Homes Channel

Let Guests Know You Are Buying a House:

You can ask for money to go towards a new house in the same fashion as you can ask for cash for your honeymoon. However, this approach in my opinion does not go over very well. Some people like a honeymoon fund over the house fund because guests might not like the idea of pitching in $20 for a "new house some day". This is more of a thing to tell family members than the rest of your guests. This is something to consider however if you would really value a down payment on a new home over a honeymoon.

Faux Stone Depot

Remark About Home Improvements Instead:

This approach is much easier for guests to digest and comprehend. Lowe's and Home Depot actually stopped doing in-store registries in 2010 for some reason, but you can still ask to receive gift cards. This is likely what we will do since we will already be living in a home when we get married. My fiance can ask for tools this way too - which he can use for work or helping me around the house since I am a re-purposing diva! Another GREAT plus about requesting gift cards for home improvement stores is that you can buy APPLIANCES there! A new refrigerator might set you back $1000 - so asking for gift cards to go towards new appliances is a great way to get most of those kinds of costs paid for without putting a whole kitchen on a registry somewhere.

Another great thing about having gift cards for home improvement stores is you can hold onto them for emergencies. I honestly cannot think of anything I could purchase at Macy's or Target that would help me if my pipes burst one winter or if a storm blew a branch through my living room window. Most couples never think about this when they move into a home together let alone take it into consideration when doing a wedding registry.

Dex Knows Weddings

The Verdict:

When it comes to wedding gift registries, I honestly do not see the point in asking for a bunch of items you do not really need, may never use, or will take up so much space they will never leave the box they came in (like Kitchen Aid Mixers, pasta rollers, a rotisserie, etc.). Nor do I think it is practical to ask for items "just because" when you can make do with what you already have. Furthermore, I think most people do understand that if a couple has been living together for 5 years or they are both approaching the age of 30 that they probably do not need any stuff.

I see nothing wrong in asking for cash/gift cards to help pay for a new home, a renovation, a honeymoon, a baby fund, etc. since most people will in fact bring a gift to a wedding no matter what. I just think your method of asking or spreading the word means everything in terms of making sure you are not being tacky or "money grabby". I mean let's face it, even if you opt to not have a registry at all or even mention gifts - almost every single person who attends your wedding will bring you something. That is just what people do. While you might think you can be clever and not mention anything about gifts, you will end up with all kinds of things asked for or not.

123RF

If you do decide to ask for cash, do not forget to hint as to what it is for. People want to know where their money is going when it is given as a gift. They just do - especially older people. You do not have to be specific, but the fact you indicate that you will use the funds towards a new home or a kitchen renovation will suffice.

Many couples will add supplementary cards to their invitations to indicate where they have their registries. There are pros and cons to this - Some guests might feel pigeonholed into buying "whatnots" from specific stores even if they had something else in mind. This is especially bad if you register with stores your family members would never set foot in (William Sonoma, Crate & Barrel, Ikea, Bed, Bath & Beyond, etc. are places my family has never shopped). Then again it does give guests a list to take with them when they go shopping for you. 

TLC Events

You can get into the same problem if you simply ask for "cash only" because it can guilt trip guests into forking over more money than they initially planned. And, it just comes across as being really snooty and pretentious to ask for "cash only". People do not want to come across as being cheapskates. However, some people feel better about giving a $20 table cloth instead of $20 in an envelope. A friend of mine once said putting $20 or less inside a card is what you give at a birthday party, not a wedding. I do not think it matters how much you give or spend whatsoever - but if you feel cheap, put $10 on a gift card so it does not look as "bad" if you think cash only looks wimpy or insufficient.

I think a MUCH better idea is to add a small sentence on the invitations that either includes a website for your wedding where you will provide supplemental information and a gift list, or a phone number for people to call someone specific to inquire about gifts. If you tell your MoH or your mom what you really want, it is much easier and it comes off much better to have your mom tell your Great Aunt Gertrude over the phone you would like money for a patio project or a gift card to a certain place. You could also have your MoH be in charge of spreading the word that you would like money in lieu of stuff, so by the time your wedding day arrives most people already know that you would like gift cards or cash instead of items. 

Emma Approved

WHAT EVER YOU DO - Please, please do not put some stupid, cutesie poem about asking for money in your invitations or on your wedding website. You are not a 5-year old; you are two adults getting married. It is very immature, coy, and conceited in many peoples' eyes to ask for money this way. It comes across as you playing a game or trying to be funny when it really seems like you are begging. If you are requesting money for a down payment on a house, just come out and say it. Elderly people attending your wedding will not "get" the poem thing and it will not go over well when they embarrassingly call your mother for an explanation. I have read so many forums online where guests flat out refused to attend weddings where cash poems or blunt requests for money were in the invitations.

A Blissful Nest

What We Will Do For Our Wedding Registry:

I will have my fiance register for tools he might need on Amazon and/or simply ask for gift cards to Lowe's. Tools are something that I do not have at my house already, and honestly him having tools will help me more in the long run than me spearheading the registry. Furthermore, I use tools too! I will probably register for 10-15 small things at Target since it is the only "real" store where I shop aside from the grocery. Most everyone shops at Target and their stuff is inexpensive so guests should feel comfortable shopping there for those who want to give a wrapped gift. We will probably do a page of "Things We Love" on our wedding website to "hint" that anything gardening related would be appreciated and highlight the fact that my fiance and I enjoy the outdoors very much. 

I also love the idea of asking for Groupon "stuff to do's". I think a surprise guided tour, murder mystery dinner, pizza date night, or something quirky like that would be so much fun! I would even be down for going to a shooting range or laser tag! These are things that my fiance and I do not normally do, so for someone to give that as a gift might open up new opportunities for us to experience something new. 

Dream Wedding Officiants

I am also very much tempted to ask for "junk" people have laying around their homes for gifts. I would be elated if someone gave me a 1960's ceiling fixture from their house or a teak nightstand that has been in the garage for 20 years. I am totally serious. A bag of vintage dresses, a jug of old buttons, a box of costume jewelry - I would be in heaven and it would not cost the giver anything. Think outside the box! If your grandmother does not know what to get you, let her know you have been eying the statue on her mantle since you were 6 and would love it in your house. Remember, weddings are supposed to be a celebration of a couples' new life together. It should not come across as a cash dash or a stress-a-thon over registries.

Back Yard Weddings - Unexpected Issues

Young House Love

When I got engaged in December of 2013, I was taken completely by surprise. I did not expect it, anticipate it, or anything. My fiance did not even hint that this was going to happen either! He was able to cleverly hide his excitement because he proposed about two weeks before Christmas. Sneaky, sneaky...Anyway, I quickly went into a panic about a venue once the initial excitement subsided. 

My fiance and I have been together for a long time, so it is not like I have not looked up wedding stuff before. His parents knew of the proposal before my mom because my fiance had showed them the ring he bought me. As soon as we came out and made the "announcement" they wanted to know the date. Yes, right then and there (I mean after 6 1/2 years we should know right?). 

I wanted to get married 10 months later. I made this statement as very matter of fact that I wanted to get married on October 11, 2014. My fiance said that would be "fine" and basically left the planning in my hands. My mother, my fiance's friends & family, and everyone who would be coming seemed to be on board with this. So, into full-on bridezilla mode I went. 

I needed to find a venue yesterday, not today. I sent out a flood of e-mails literally the day after we got engaged asking about availability only to be shut down at every turn. Everything was booked - everything. And not just October either - everything to the end of the year was taken (barns and rustic outdoor venues). I had a meltdown. We were able to develop a theme, find a caterer, and the person who would be doing my dress - but no venue.

Regal Tent Productions

We then began milling over the possibility of having it down at my fiance's grandmothers home. My future father and sister in law made this suggestion early on but we did not really think about it until we discovered that we would not have a venue come October 2014. Another problem we were running into was that it was very hard to see the "vision" at some of these venues with 5 inches of snow on the ground.

Another issue that was brought into question was how to handle the elders who were mobility impaired. Basically, if we did not have the wedding - ceremony and reception - at grandma's, they would not be able to come at all. My fiances' grandmothers both need to have nurses and attendants 24/7 and one of my grandmothers is almost totally immobile. So we thought, this will be perfect! The venue would be free and the grandmothers would not be inconvenienced....In about three weeks time this all went down the drain. 

We did not realize how many obstacles we would run into with having a wedding at "home".

Destination Weddings

Tents:

We did find a local renter who could rent us a 40X80 tent for $1000. We actually called three rental places and only one was renting tents that had roll up sides. We thought that price was quite reasonable and there was plenty of room at grandma's for this. We also calculated the size of her back yard and figured we could get 40 cars to park in the grass and maybe 20 more along the road. Perfect! 

We planned on having an outside ceremony and an indoor/outdoor reception by using the tent. BUT we had to prepare for the worst case scenario that it could be cold and be pouring down rain. If this were to happen, everyone would need to be inside the tent and have it enclosed.

Apples & Onions

Lighting:

However, one day it suddenly hit me - lighting. Oh my gosh lighting. Now, my fiance and future father in law are the handiest people I know. They can electrify and plumb anything anywhere. However, I realized that if we have an October wedding, it will get dark at about 6:00. 

This meant that we would not only need lights in the parking area, but lights in the tent. The rental company did not rent lights - and I had only bought enough Christmas lights after the holiday season to use in the trees for the outdoor ceremony. The lights pictured above are called commercial grade cafe lights. They are used for outdoor weddings and inside barns because they are weatherproof. 

You CANNOT plug these in end-to-end. So you must have outlet access where ever you plan on using them. To get enough lights for the fence around the parking area, the tent, and promenade to the tent it would cost $1000-$1200. 

The tent we would be renting did not have the clear plastic windows, so if it were cold or rainy and needed to be enclosed, the inside would have to be illuminated. Plus, my father in law would have to put in an electrical box running from the house to the creek on grandma's property to plug things in. 

In addition: Most places where you rent tents will SPECIFICALLY tell you that you cannot use real candles inside their tents! This is quite common. So, if you thought of illuminating your tables with a zillion candles, you might be out of luck if you are renting a tent. 

Internachi

Bathrooms:

Bathrooms were the next hurdle. Grandma's house has three bathrooms - however one would be for exclusive use of myself, the bridesmaids, and the groom and groomsmen since it is located inside a bedroom. The second bathroom is only a half bath, and the third is handicapped accessible but it is in the middle of the house. While this would be great for the elders - having 130 people using basically one bathroom is not feasible on a septic tank. 

It would also cause an unacceptable line to the bathroom after dinner, and it would clog up the hallway leading to the kitchen that would be in full use by the caterer. We called Hoosier Portables about renting a Luxury Bathroom because port-o-pots would not work (not handicapped accessible and no running water). This would set us back an additional $1500 FOR ONE DAY.

The Pfister

Dance Floor:

The dance floor was another problem. The place that rented the tent would rent us a dance floor for an additional $100 I think. It was not very big - I am thinking it was 10X10 or 20X20. We busted out some graph paper and started drawing things in to figure out where we could place the dance floor and it became apparent that it would be a really tight fit. 

We had difficulties figuring out how to plan for a center aisle in case we had to hold the ceremony indoors due to rain. A promenade to the tent was another issue. If it happened to be really muddy or rainy, we did not want people slipping and sinking into the mud walking from their cars to the tent. However, we did plan to make a "boardwalk" out of pallet wood. 

Decoration0

Tables & Chairs:

We would also have to rent tables and chairs. Our local True Value Hardware was the cheapest renter we found. Chairs were $1 each for a Friday night drop off and Sunday morning pick up. Tables were I think $5 each, and their delivery fee was $35 since the store is so close to grandma's house. When it was all said and done it would be about $500 JUST TO RENT TABLES AND CHAIRS. 

Not only was this becoming a bit ridiculous with the budget, but then - they could not guarantee delivery until after 5:00 pm on Friday. This would not give us enough time to place the chairs outside for the ceremony and cover with tarps to be ready for Saturday, and it also meant we would have to do all the chair and table decorations on Saturday morning.  

DO NOT forget you will be having a rehearsal and dinner on the Friday night before your wedding! I totally forgot about this and the fact that my fiance and 6 groomsmen would be busy on Friday afternoon getting their final fittings at Men's Warehouse in Indianapolis and they would not be available to help. 

DO NOT underestimate the amount of time it will take you the morning of your wedding to set up the tables and tablescape! Remember that linens cannot be left out overnight because they will get dewy. Linens will also have to be pressed. If you are lighting the undersides of your tables, you will have to manage electrical and put on table skirts which can be tricky. If you can (if you are decorating yourself) do a dry run at home on a card table to time just how long it will take you to set up.

Catering Kitchen

Catering:

My fiances' grandmothers home was built to entertain. This was a major plus for us. We could rope off the back of the house and have the caterer make a seamless transition from her kitchen to the garage where buffet tables would be set up. 

The only problem with this is that it severely limited the use of one of the bathrooms. We did contemplate using her back patio as an area for the buffet. But, the tents the caterers use only cover the tables - they are NOT big enough to cover a large area. So, in other words we would have to rent a secondary tent for the food area if it were on the patio. This is why we settled on the garage.

However, there is a considerable distance between the garage/patio to where the tent would be placed. If it were raining, we would be forced to set up additional tables inside the main tent for chafing dishes which would take up a considerable amount of space.

Second Chances by Susan

Gift Tables & Extras:

Another thing that would take up a huge amount of space inside the tent would be tables for gifts and cards, the cake, snacks, A BAR, drink station, guest book, and TRASH. If the weather were inclement, everything would need to be in the main tent. We could have set up gifts and the cake inside the main house - but of course if it were raining and muddy we would not want guests tacking mud all over grandma's house. She would have a fit if that happened.

We figured we could do a guest book at the door, use one corner for buffet and snacks, one corner for bar and drinks, one corner for cake and gifts and cards, and one corner for a DJ or music station. 

Then I thought - oh my - one end of the tent would need to be used for a head table and two flanking tables for the groomsmen/bridesmaids and their spouses, and the parents. That only leaves two free corners inside the tent since a dance floor will be in the middle. This would be OK if we put gifts and cards in one corner, and we could put all buffet, drinks, snacks, and bar in another corner, but then that left ZERO room for a DJ. So, we would have to rent yet another tent to house either the food or the gifts and cake because there would not be enough room.

Pre-Owned Wedding Dresses

The Budget:

We had it in our minds that we would be saving gobs of cash by having the wedding at grandma's house as well. I mean think about it - free land, free main house, free creek side ceremony! But things added up SO QUICKLY that it became a ridiculous idea to even try and have it in her backyard. Then when I thought about it some more, I thought "I bet most brides would run into the same problems we did when planning a backyard wedding".  

Here is a breakdown for comparison:

One Tent - $1000
Additional Tent(s) - $500
Bathroom - $1500
Lighting - $1200
Dance Floor - $100
Tables & Chairs - $500
Total: - $4800

This does not even begin to include a caterer, DJ, decorations, cake, snacks, drinks, bar, dress, and all the other expenses that come with a wedding! For $4800, most people can find an amazing venue that already has bathrooms, chairs, and tables included in the price for much less than $4800. 

It was when I brought this to my fiance's attention that we knew we could not use grandma's house for the wedding and we would not be getting married this year. Luckily, we did not tell anyone about our plan on having a wedding in 2014 so no plane tickets or reservations were made. By bumping the date to October 2015, this gives us plenty of time to find a venue that is in our budget and relax!

And don't worry! We did not forget about the grandmothers! Understanding that they would not be able to travel to wherever we decided to have the wedding, we did decide to hold a "grandmother ceremony" at her house. We will get a small cake and a photographer and I can wear my dress for them to see in the fall of 2014. Having a 10 person ceremony at grandma's house is totally acceptable and do-able, a 150 person party is not.

Pros and Cons of Using a Barn for your Wedding Venue

Stockade Buildings Inc.

Honestly, the day after I got engaged I was online the WHOLE day researching wedding barns. I was really super excited to be engaged, but I knew finding a venue would be a problem. I was 100% positive I wanted a barn wedding. I sent out a flood of e-mails asking about availability and I was somewhat shocked that everything was booked 1-2 years in advance...and nothing was available in October. 

When my fiance asked for my hand in marriage in December of 2013, I was pretty dead set on having a wedding in October 2014....that is until I realized there IS a reason why it typically takes 18-24 months to plan a wedding. Unless you have a lot of friends and family who can either pitch in, pull strings, or offer services like a venue, catering, photography, and flowers it is HARD to put a wedding together in less than a year. In all honesty, it cannot be done IF you want to have a big party type wedding where friends and family come from out of state. Furthermore, barn weddings skyrocketed in popularity in the last 3 years and it seems that everyone wants that setting for their big day. This has caused a shortage in venues of this type because while a large number of people have a barn in rural Indiana, they house livestock and hay and are not "wedding ready."

Now, of course all that you need on your big day is your fiance, your license, and an officiant - that is it. But, being a big DIY person myself and wanting to have my personal touches incorporated into the wedding it became very evident in about a months time that the wedding would look "thrown together" if we tried to push for October. Furthermore, I was so set on having a barn wedding since it meshes with vintage so well, the idea of using a different kind of venue was something that I did not even want to think about because it was stressing me out. So, quickly my vision of having chandeliers hanging in a rustic setting while guests danced the night away were quickly fading. All my Pinterest pins were becoming irrelevant, my plan of an autumn wedding was going out the window, and the panic was setting in.

Then...the harsh reality of a barn venue hit me. Like a ton of bricks it hit me.

Many of the barn venues I looked at were open and bare, and had cafe rope lights and some chandeliers hanging inside. You get taken in by the ambiance, but once you start asking questions the more and more impractical they become. In fact, if you really take into account the needs of your guests - not just you - but all the people coming to your wedding, you might end up regretting having a barn wedding. 

Here is why: 

Zionsville Barn

Parking:

Many barn venues have you park in the grass or a pasture - this might be directly next to the barn. This can eliminate the possibility of having an outdoor ceremony if you wanted to use the barn solely for the reception. This can also be a problem if it rains and you will have women in heels tromping through mud. Some of the venues will also NOT come with parking attendants - this can become a nightmare fast because some of the lots are SO small, that you must pack the cars in like sardines to get everyone in. If left to park themselves, most people will not tightly pack-in unless directed to do so. So, you might fill the lot and not have enough room for everyone.

Hoosier Portables

Bathrooms:


Only ONE barn venue I looked at had a bathroom in the actual barn. Many barn venue sites do not tell you this because I think they hope the vision will take over and you will not mind renting a bunch of blue port-o-pots for your guests. I do not know about you, but my grandmothers and many elders in my family cannot and would not use a port-o-pot. Port-o-pots also DO NOT have sinks or running water. To have a hand washing station, this an extra cost AND YOU MUST HAVE WATER HOOK UP to use a hand washing station. 

If the barn you are looking at have no plumbing or a place to run water, guests cannot wash their hands. We were contemplating renting a Luxury Portable Bathroom Trailer from Hoosier Portables (pictured above) if we went with a barn venue. These look like real restrooms on the inside, have toilets that flush, have sinks with hot and cold water, have changing tables for babies, and are heated/air conditioned. BUT you MUST have electrical hookup and water hoses to get them to work. Furthermore, these cost $1500 to rent for ONE DAY!  

Another caveat is that none of the portable toilets are handicapped accessible. If you have any guests who use a wheelchair or walker they will not be able to use a portable restroom. And in speaking of most barns not having water...

D&R Market

Catering:

Nearly all caterers WILL NEED ACCESS TO A KITCHEN. Most of the time if a caterer is coming to an on-site venue, they will need the use of a full kitchen to prepare food. Even if someone is bringing a BBQ smoker, they still need refrigeration for meats and sides. Keep in mind that a barn, which probably housed horses a few years ago, will not have a kitchen. Unless there is a secondary building on site or the barn has been converted, the caterer you choose might not be doable if there is no kitchen. 

Even if you went with something like a food truck, just like the portable restrooms they need both water and electrical hookup to work. One of the barns I looked at had all these "partners" for catering. When I looked through them and what they offered, I suddenly realized that they were only showing pictures of hors d'oeuvres, appetizers, and snacks. In the small print on one of the catering sites they specifically said that if you have a wedding at "X" barn the only food option is cold appetizers and a full meal is not possible. It would be a BAD day if you booked your dream venue only to find you could not have real food served. 

Poetic Home

Heating & Air Conditioning:

Unless you are looking at a barn that has been converted, IT WILL NOT BE CLIMATE CONTROLLED!!! I am planning my wedding in the state of Indiana. We have deathly cold winters and sweltering summers. It can also be 30 degrees in the morning and 85 in the afternoon in the middle of October. In other words, the weather is so unpredictable that you have to plan for the worst case scenario. Most of the barns I looked at left it up to the renter to locate and rent fans or heaters at an additional cost. If you had to heat the inside of a wooden barn - how well do you think the heat would stay inside a structure without insulation and high ceilings? The answer is not very well. 

You would also probably be really limited on the number of heaters to rent (it would be taxing on whatever electrical they have) so if it were cold, guests would likely be shivering in their coats all night long. The prospects in summer can be just as bad with the common 100% humidity we get in July and August. A box fan - or even 20 of them will not do squat if it is humid. It will just make a TON of noise and BLOW napkins and hair everywhere and do nothing to cool a room.  

Keep your guests in mind!!! Many of our beloved elders are on medications for various things. I know there are at least 10 family members on my side of the family that CANNOT under any circumstances be allowed to get over heated, dehydrated, or be left in the sun for too long without having the option to go to a climate controlled area for even a little while. Sweltering heat can also cause dehydration to set in quickly...so if your guests will be having a few cocktails at your wedding be prepared to have some very tipsy guests. 

Memories Bridal & Evening Wear

NO Tables, Chairs, Tents, or Dance Floors:

Only TWO barns I contacted provided tables and chairs. Most of the barns are a "bare canvas" for you to envision what you want. But, that does mean you will need to rent your own tables and chairs. I priced this out at a local hardware store that rented round and rectangle tables and chairs - it would have been $700! Do not forget that if you want the ceremony outside, you will need extra chairs for that as well -one for each guest or enough benches for all. And you will need an arch, podium, or something like that for you to stand in front of while you exchange vows. 

You will probably need a tent too...believe it or not you cannot get more than 125 people in most barn venues - and double check the capacity with your venue manager! Some will assume that an open patio off the barn will serve as an additional seating area, but obviously if it is not covered and it rains everyone will need shelter. Once you get tables and chairs inside a barn with a DJ, buffet, gift table, cake table, etc. it can get cramped fast. If you find yourself in need of an outdoor space for people to spread out, to rent a tent that is 40X60 it will cost $800-$1000. If your idea was like mine and want a ceremony outside and a reception inside you have to plan what will happen if there is rain - which is why a tent is of the utmost importance. 

Some of the barns also have dirt floors or old slat floors. Have you ever danced on a dirt floor? What happens is the room will fill up with dust and look like a stampede and everything will get dirty. If the barn has a slat floor, beware of heels!!! Heels will get stuck in between the slats and cause falls and rolled ankles. Some of the barns have concrete floors but if they do not, you need to plan on renting an actual dance floor.

Clear Air Net

Allergies:

When the barn trend skyrocketed, many people decided to cash in on the wedding potential. This can mean that your amazing barn venue might have had horses, manure, and hay stored inside the previous summer. Many barns are also located on WORKING farms - meaning you could have crops being harvested in October or planted in the spring right outside your venue door. While it would not bother me at all if a combine rolled by while we were exchanging vows, I know my fiance would be in allergy hell. He is even the son of a farmer and has a cornfield in his backyard and he still has horrible allergies.  

Keep guests in mind!!! Many people are allergic to hay and dust from crops! Some barns, if they have been closed up and recently reopened to be used as a venue, might be moldy, musty, or smelly...or smell like horses. While you might think you can "get past the smells", in the summer the smells could be worse and be really gross while guests are eating. Be sure to ask if your venue has been renovated or treated. Two of the barns I looked at mentioned in their FAQ that they were sprayed and cleaned but some of the others were questionable.

Rustic Wedding Chic

A DJ, PA System, WiFi, Speakers, Etc.:

Like I mentioned before, some of these barns are really small on the inside once you get tables, chairs, and things like buffets, bars, and gift areas inside. Some are so small they specifically mention that they provide an "entertainment bar or suite"...which really means they have a card table for your laptop to play from Spotify. Many barn venues offer nothing more than that - so no speakers and many will not have internet access or WiFi. 

Now, most DJ's will have their own speaker stands and all their equipment - but many barns simply do not have the room for such things. And again, you will need to address the electrical situation because DJ equipment takes a lot of outlets. DO NOT FORGET about outside!!! I think a lot of couple do not realize if you have your ceremony outside, unless you have a microphone and speakers, no one past the first row can hear you. NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU AT ALL. I think this is one of the biggest wedding faux-pas that seem to happen again and again. Unless you see an electrical box outside the barn, you must ask if it is possible to run a PA system outside. If not, you might need to furnish your own extension cords so that your friends and family can hear your vows!

Elizabeth Anne Designs

Getting Ready:

Some of the barn venues have small bridal suites available for getting ready. However, of the barns I located that have suites, they were located in a "main house" or adjacent building to the barn. The issue you run into with this is that many of these barns are located on private property. This means the main house is probably where the owners live and you will be using their bedrooms, bathrooms, or basement if they did not add onto their property for this specific reason. 

At one venue we looked at, the main house would provide us with the entire upper floor for getting ready...But the groom and groomsmen would be in the same hall, so if you did not want someone to sneak a peek that would not really work. Then, it was quite a walk from the house to the barn - so far in fact that in heels it would not be possible. You would then need to arrange for someone to drive the bride and bridesmaids to the barn - not very practical. Another venue had a room for the bride, but it was only about 10X10 and it was dimly lit. Plus, the bridesmaids would either need to get ready before or after me if they wanted to use the same room. 

The Verdict:

I am still totally in love with the idea of having a barn/rustic/vintage wedding - especially if we found a venue with chiffon drapes, cafe lights, and chandeliers - and bathrooms, heat/ac, and tables and chairs on site. However, when speaking to an event manager, farmer, or private property owner in regards to renting their barn for your wedding do not forget to ask about:

1.) Bathrooms
2.) Handicapped Accessibility
3.) Outlets, Electrical, Water
4.) Parking
5.) Heating and Air Conditioning
6.) Dance Floor Situation
7.) Allergies
8.) Internet, WiFi, or Cellular Availability
9.) Kitchen and/or Refrigeration/Cooking
10.) Dressing and Changing Rooms/Suites

IN ADDITION:

Yesterday as I was researching barn venues I came across a scary reality. Some of these barns ARE NOT LICENSED TO BE OPENED. Depending on where you live, I am sure the laws vary greatly. However, I found a venue page on Facebook where some people opened a barn located on their private property for use as a "party barn" after they remodeled it for a family member's wedding. While it is perfectly fine to use your home, barn, shed, pavilion, etc. that you privately own for a private function, it is different than if you are to use the same building or area for a "public facility". 

The barn I looked at the other day was allowed to host weddings for almost a year (with weddings booked two years in advance from that date) only to have the zoning board come in and shut them down suddenly and without warning. I would imagine more than 2 dozen couples lost their venue when this happened if not more. Make sure with the venue owner or manager that they are licensed and insured to be open. Furthermore, make sure you read their contact and what it says regarding cancellations, accidental double bookings, emergencies, injuries, etc.