The Burlap Bride - Websites have RUINED Everything Unique about Weddings

Vintage Bliss Wedding

"Your wedding is going to look like a ridiculous yard sale!" My mother said this to me when I squealed with delight the day I found an old, beat up Pepsi cooler that I wanted to purchase to use as an ice chest for drinks at my wedding. It was banged up and really gross, but I was convinced I could turn it into a "cool element" at my wedding. My mom just looked at me like I was nuts and rolled her eyes as if I had lost my mind.

At the time, we were planning a simple back yard wedding without frills. The ice chest I found would have been an alternative to the run of the mill galvanized aluminum buckets you see on ALL the Pinterest pins. I guess I wanted something different that was not cliche, would be durable, and work for an outside wedding. While the internet is great for inspiration, I really do think it has ruined everything unique about weddings. It seems as though every time someone mentions a "theme wedding" all you hear are moans and groans about "how overdone it is" or that everyone has seen it before. And well, that is because we have - on Pinterest.

The more I thought about it the more I began re-thinking my "theme". Originally I wanted to do the lace/burlap/mason jar thing. I wanted my wedding to be more or less a slightly upper scale backyard barbeque. This is what I felt would be the most comfortable for my guests - because really most people hate having to get dressed up to go to a fancy wedding and are thrilled when you say it will be "casual" and jean friendly. So, off to Pinterest I went. Within no time I had amassed a board of 300+ pins featuring barns, mason jars, and whiskey barrel tables. When we initially thought we were going to have our wedding this year, we even visited a barn venue that ended up being a let down. I guess I wanted something different than a country club or a fancy place where people would feel uncomfortable. But was a barn really appropriate for us? Well, no, not really.

A Marriage of Passion and Style

My fiance was raised on a farm...but I do not think I have ever set foot in a barn other than to rummage for junk at an auction. At least a barn provides a shelter for tables in most cases - but they are really small and not very elegant when you actually look at them. But oh, the pictures! You know? The ones taken in October in the Midwest with the cafe lighted barn, and guests making toasts with mason jars, and the bride is in a lace mermaid gown, and there is a tire swing somewhere? For some reason, that was the vision of what I wanted at my wedding. I guess it was my way of having the elegance of lace with the rustic utilitarian aspect of burlap to create something "neutral"...but that is really not me. I am vintage quirky and will take a rainbow of colors over something neutral any day. My fiance and I are also the rugged outdoorsy type - as in we love to hike and experience nature. Something that we both are definitely NOT are "county people" - we do not ride horses, hunt, or go to the rodeo. On the other hand a barn venue would have provided an outdoor element - which is really more of what I was wanting the barn for. I guess I did not want to be "obvious" with my wedding theme or have people "just know" what I was going to do in terms of a theme before we even sent out invitations. At the same time, I did not want people to think we were having a hoe-down if we announced the reception would be taking place in a barn...

Polka Dot Bride

I must admit I was a bit irked in the beginning when I started telling friends and family members about my engagement and they automatically assumed I would be doing a "vintage theme" since I am a vintage dealer. For one, I really do not know what a "vintage theme" is. I certainly know what vintage items are because I sell them for a living - but did they think I would be going full blown 1890's Victorian, 1920's deco flapper, 1950's rockabilly, 1960's hippie? I do in fact love various elements of all these eras. But kind of like the decor in my house - "eclectic" is the term I prefer - choosing just one would be very hard for me. Furthermore, if you as a bride pick something very specific like 1920's speakeasy, you are extremely limited on various design elements you can use, otherwise it will look out of place. This can get quite costly very quickly because it would look odd if you were wearing a Mori Lee beaded sheath dress and your bridesmaids are in modern cocktail dresses. So, they would also have to get beaded gowns or something with feathers and fringe.

I personally take particular issue to some of these "extreme theme" weddings because they tend to look like costume parties or Halloween (think Great Gastby or Lord of the Rings). Additionally, for whatever reason the term "vintage theme" initially gets thrown into the same lot as rustic and shabby chic and if not, it leaves guests thinking they have to "dress a certain part" when they attend. I certainly did not want to declare we are having a "vintage theme" (era specific or not) and suddenly get a flood of calls from people asking if they have to wear zoot suits and fedoras or pearls and furs. Again, this was another reason why I thought the lace & burlap thing would work better...At the same time, this is yet another major drawback of utilizing a theme in your wedding.

Estate Weddings and Events

After the bummer at the barn venue and some other setbacks, we decided to push the wedding to next year. Honestly, I was feeling way overwhelmed with the whole planning process. However, before we made this decision I did find my wedding dress. It was nothing like I originally thought I wanted. I did have an ivory lace mermaid dress is mind and I tried one on, but I really could not justify spending $1000 on a dress. So, instead I kept with my frugal ways and found a really different, pre-owned, satin dress with TONS of STUFF. I love "stuff" and the dress I found has it all. It is two different colors, it has off the shoulder sleeves, it has rosettes, it has lace, it has appliques, it has pearls, it has rhinestones, it has EVERYTHING - in other words, it is totally me! It was at this time that I decided I needed to make my "theme" what I wanted and what "fit" us, and not based exclusively on something I saw online. I also decided that I no longer wanted to stick to something super specific so I could have the freedom to add elements without them looking out of place.

Wedding Bee

I was just curious as to what other brides-to-be actually thought of wedding trends and themes to see what they were personally sick of seeing or hearing about others doing, so I asked on Wedding Wire. The number one thing they said they were sick of was the rustic/mason jar trend - the "burlap bride". Brides seemingly are now totally disgusted by hay-bale seating, manure caked cowboy boots with a $2500 lace gown, chalk boards, wash tubs for drinks, hydrangeas and baby's breath, cutesie signs, and the aforementioned mason jars and burlap. They are also so over "random furniture" sitting out in fields with non-wedding related stuff on them or "shabby chic" because it looks like a flea market and not a wedding.

After I thought about it, it really does not make any sense to have a "display" of junk out on a table for your guest book. Why will a simple desk and a chair with a flower arrangement not suffice? Why is it necessary to stack classic novels 5 high with a dusty, old typewriter on top with a cutesie note that says to write something for the couple and have a top hat hanging on the chair-back? Well the latter is because someone saw it in an editorial photo shoot, it ended up on Pinterest, and brides thought it was "so cute" they had to have it for themselves. Guests however are likely going to say one of two things when they see this -"I don't get it" or "OMG I saw that on Pinterest, too!" In other words, no one will think you are clever, they will just sigh because they have seen it before and it makes no sense for the couple to have that particular element in their wedding.

Perfect Pear Bridal

The brides I asked on Wedding Wire were also so sick of looking at other specific "trendy" elements as well. Some of these were: Peacock/Mardi Gras, Damask when it does not fit the venue, nautical or beach themes in places like Oklahoma, candy bars, mustaches, chevron, putting signs on ring bearers and flower girls as if no one knows their role in the wedding already, weird food trucks when there is a plated meal, and signature drinks. Brides are even "over" older traditions like bouquet/garter toss and head tables. This however probably has more to do with the fact that the average bride and groom are nearly 30 when they wed and will either have no single friends and/or will have married friends who do not want to be packed into a head table in attendance.

Another reason why I think cliched themes are getting out of hand is commercial availability. Hobby Lobby for example has specific sections in the wedding aisles for burlap/rustic, peacock/masquerade, glam/deco, and so on. We also noticed that most of the local barn venues are offering in-house rentals of mason jars, mismatched plates, doilies, ecru linen tablecloths, etc. While this might be a dream come true for some brides, others might feel compelled to give in and use what is available for ease even if it was not what they had in mind. I mean if you think about it, I bet there are a lot of brides like me who wanted a barn venue for the unique space and outdoor possibilities and not necessarily because they wanted a "rustic" themed wedding. On a side note, I also wanted a barn because they are much more private than a park. It is very difficult to find a private venue that is not a barn actually.

It did seem that the rejection of of cliched/tired/used themes came about more recently according to a vendor I spoke with at a bridal show. I was also told that more brides are going modern and/or glam - with one or two colors and minimal decorations. In other words, brides are going back to simply choosing an accent color and NOT having a designated theme. One vendor attributed this to the fact that when some brides go with a "Pinterest-y" theme, the theme is literally represented EVERYWHERE. Nothing is seemingly subtle anymore, and this began to bother numerous brides. An example of "over theme-ing" would be if you used chevron as your main design element - and you proceeded to use a chevron aisle runner, straws, table cloths, favors, silverware wraps, cake, place mats, ribbon, etc. A color bomb is another - you do not need your bridesmaids to be in pink gowns, have the groomsmen wear pink vests, while you all hold/are wearing pink flowers, and your tables have pink centerpieces, pink overlays, pink napkins...you get the idea.

The Manor Restaurant

After being disappointed with some of the venues we looked at, I began leaning towards having the wedding in a park. This was initially what I wanted, but there are so many drawbacks to most parks that I did not think it would be feasible. Parks, nature, and hiking best represent who me and my fiance are as a couple - and it would get us out of using a specific theme. However I did understand that if we could not find a suitable park venue, we would have to tweak our design elements to whatever venue we came up with. I must admit it does bother me when I see weddings held in fancy, historic homes and the "theme" is carnival fun house or Star Wars. Luckily we found the most perfect venue I could have ever hoped to find (I am waiting until spring so I can take a zillion pictures and do a massive write up about it, that is how much I love the venue). The venue I found has a historic home, a covered patio, a garden, hiking, and more. So, given our good fortune of finding this epic venue we are doing an outdoorsy non-theme theme. If that makes sense.

Woodsy Weddings

Basically, we will be using elements of nature in our tables and decor. Most of this is going to be free or very low cost. I still have to buy linens - which will probably be green or ivory, but other than things like vases and flowers, the decor will be provided by nature. This will give us as a couple the flexibility to add other elements that would not really fit other themey-themes if we wish without it looking out of place. For example, I can add some vintage elements without it coming across as "shabby chic or rustic", my fiance and groomsmen can be casual or super formal without it looking out of place (you hardly ever see photos of a groom in a black tux at a rustic wedding), and we do not have to make the whole wedding totally formal or completely casual either. I do not want to go so far as saying we will have a "woodland" theme because I think a lot of people think of fairies and elves in a shire when they hear that term. 

Now that we (well me, I have spearheaded this whole "design element" of the wedding) have simplified things, I have found that we will be saving money by not having to buy mason jars, burlap for runners (no runners at all now), lanterns, "treat bar" items (we will give goodie bags as favors instead), non-edible favors, theme specific invitations, and so on. I still think I might make my own silverware pouches and/or sashes for the chairs since the dining chairs will be used outside at the ceremony. But, if I do this I will know I can immediately re-sell them after the wedding probably at a profit. Maybe for modern brides, having a no-theme theme is the way to go. I am still a little sad I did not buy that vintage Pepsi cooler for my drink tub though...

Trash The Dress - Safety & Sentiment: The Fad You Might Regret

Pirates of the Caribbean Wiki

The first time I heard of the concept "Trash the Dress", I honestly did not really know what it meant. I thought maybe it was a runway term where a model walks the catwalk in couture but has mud smeared all over it? Then I remembered a funny Pinterest pin where a bride and her bridesmaids got 1980's prom dresses and went paint balling in them for the bachelorette party. I guess I did not realize it pertained to wedding dresses, being worn by real brides, and they usually jump into a pool or lake in their gown so they can have photos taken of the sight.

When I understood that was what "Trash the Dress" meant, the FIRST thing that popped in my head was the scene from Pirates of the Caribbean when Elizabeth Swann faints and falls into the ocean with her dress acting as an anchor. Captain Jack Sparrow then has to rescue her by ripping her gown off and cutting her corset to prevent her from drowning...yes...drowning. In fact, if you go to Wikipedia and look up Trash the Dress, the latter part of the short article is about a Montreal woman who drowned in a river when the water swept her away during her Trash the Dress photo shoot. The weight of the wet dress pulled her down river and she could not be saved.

Bliss Bride

Of course you do not have to get into the water; you can throw paint on each other, or mud. But why? What is the point of this? I asked this question on my WeddingWire page because I thought this concept was silly. Yes, silly - like something little kids would do. I guess I see things differently because I am a vintage dealer. I see hope and promise in all the garments I sell and if someone else can wear it or use it, I am all for it. Furthermore, if you really do not want to deal with your dress again after you wear it to your wedding, you can donate it so someone else can have the chance to be a beautiful bride too.

Most wedding dresses today are made of polyester, which can get wet and dry just fine. But if the thread used to sew the gown together is cotton, once it it saturated it will never be the same. Likely, it will in fact ruin the gown even if you take it to a dry cleaner because it will cause irreversible puckering. If you have any real silk/charmeuse/georgette on your gown, it will also be ruined if it gets wet because it will completely lose shape. However, since most dresses today are made of 100% washable fabrics, some will hold up just fine if they are washed in a bathtub or worn by a bride jumping into a pool.

Middle Child Photography

But what about truly trashing a dress? Obviously if you and your groom throw paint on each other it will likely never come clean. Likewise, if you are going to "waller" in a mud hole you will likely rip and tear your gown on any rocks or sticks that might be in the pit. Then the pictures...oh my the pictures. Yes some photos online of models floating in a pool wearing their gowns looks etherial, but notice I said models. Most underwater shots take a team of photographers and people to assist the model. Then pictures are Photoshopped heavily so the girl does not look like a downing victim.

When I started looking online at some various photographers who did Trash the Dress photos, most of them looked NOTHING like the "magazine shots". In fact, many of them were a hot mess. Faces were obstructed by hair and veils, makeup running, "fish faces" when holding breath, the mud looked like poo, etc. Even if your pictures turned out really cute, funny, or you as a bride were otherwise pleased with them, your family will gasp - and not the good kind when you show them. You can bet your family members will be aghast that you would ruin your dress. You can also bet your mother/grandmother will say you look like hell and "it is such a same" you ruined your gown. It is one thing to dip your toes in the ocean at your beach wedding - it is another to have photos taken of you covered in seaweed looking like Swamp Thing while wearing your gown.

Evan Bishop Photography

In speaking of mothers and grandmothers, are they paying for your dress? If they are, you might want to think twice about the backlash you may receive from them if you destroy your dress. Yes, having a family member pay for your gown is a gift, but do not even think for a second that the sweater Grams gave you for Christmas is even remotely the same as them buying your wedding gown. 

Even if you are paying for your dress yourself, what if in the future you want a cocktail dress made from your gown? What if a friend falls on hard times and she would love to wear your dress? What if you fall on hard times and need to sell it? What if you have a daughter who wants to wear your gown someday? If your dress is ruined during your Trash session - intended or not - you really cannot use the dress ever again and no one else will be able to wear it. Just keep future possibilities in mind before you do something rash with your dress that you might regret later.

I mean really, to each is own when it comes to your clothing. However, remember that your wedding dress is probably the only thing your family will ever remember you wearing. You never know if someone will want to see it again or wear it again in the future. So, obviously if your dress is trashed it will end up in the actual trash. Everyone knows your dress is likely only going to be worn once, but that does not mean that it is a good idea to destroy it. A wedding dress is one of the most recyclable garments you will ever own. Not only could someone else wear the whole thing again, but you could reuse the veil or different parts of the dress for other things. When I asked the question on WeddingWire, the overwhelming response is that most brides would NEVER consider trashing their dresses citing sentimental value, re-usability, backlash from others, etc.

My Wedding Nigeria

If you as a bride are dead set on Trashing the Dress, there are a few things to consider. If your parents or family bought your dress for you, you might want to go ahead and buy a CHEAP dupe dress from an online seller to trash. Some of the dupes are less than $100 and you can still keep your real gown. That way, you can have your fun photos and it will not be something your mother brings up every now and again since you will still have your real dress.

No mater what dress you choose to wear during your trash session, keep in mind SAFETY above all else. If you decide to jump into a pool in your gown, make sure you can touch the bottom the whole time. If you want to know how heavy a WET wedding gown can be...wrap a bunch of towels around you and jump into the pool as a trial run. You can get wet towels off a whole lot faster and easier than a wet wedding dress. DO NOT wade into a river that has a current - it takes no time at all to slip on a rock and get swept away. Not to mention your gown can get caught on anything and drag you under. You really might want a dupe dress if you are going into water because it will not have a liner and it will be made of a lighter weight fabric in almost all instances.

VO Photographers

Take equal safety precautions if you are using PAINT. I saw a photo online where the bride and groom were using REAL SPRAY PAINT on each other (pics were taken inside an old garage and I cannot find the photo for the life of me). Spray paint can kill you if you inhale it and it can severely irritate your skin. Make sure you use kids finger paint - it is soap and water clean up and I believe it is non-toxic. Kids paint CAN still stain however, so even if it is washed it might leave a tinge of color in the fabric.

You can use icing instead of mud. No bride wants to get ringworm the day after her wedding by playing in the mud. Not to mention if you really are tromping in mud, you are probably rolling in animal poo, road waste, fertilizer runoff, etc. Hell, if you are going to go that route it would be much easier to get some clearance cakes from the grocery and throw that all over each other if you are so inclined. You get the same affect without the worry of getting poo in your mouth.

Sarah Sun Photography

Here is another idea. How about instead of truly trashing your dress, you take some "trashy" photos instead? Not trashy as in trashy, but I think a photo of a bride in her crisp white dress in an unconventional setting is much more striking. Consider taking pictures in front of a graffiti filled tunnel, sitting atop some dumpsters, standing on a junked car, walking though an abandoned building, etc. You still get that "trashed" look without actually messing up your dress.

Also consider when you plan on doing this. Some brides opt to do this kind of thing the morning after her wedding so the bridesmaids can get in on the photos too. Make sure this will not interfere with family travel plans, brunch, honeymoon packing, etc. A typical trash the dress session can take 2-3 hours of your time. Also make sure your groom is not wearing his rented tux for this...If you plan on doing it a few weeks later, you might want to get your hair and makeup done if you are not going to have your head under water. Maybe get another bouquet so you can have true "bridal" look. This should be considered an added expense to your overall wedding budget as well.

Knight Image Photography

Above all other things, keep in mind that "Trashing the Dress" is a FAD. It will likely go away in a few years. This means in the future, anyone looking at pictures of a trash session will likely see it as being tacky or weird. Like when my parents got married in the 1970s it was the "in thing" to superimpose pictures. So, there are pictures of their wedding where there is a huge head up in the corner of a shot of the church, or a silhouette of a head with the cake in the center... It looks totally bizarre by today's standards, but it was a fad back then that was very popular. 

Despite the fact there are always new "must have" wedding photos that crop up, they will of course become tired fads that no one will care to see anymore (wedding party jumping for no reason, groomsmen wearing superhero t-shirts, "tiny" bride being stepped on by her husband, zombie apocalypse attacking the reception), Trashing the Dress is the only one that actually involves potentially/actually destroying  your gown. If the only reason you are wanting to do a trash session is for the photos, keep in mind that your future children will probably think it is silly, senseless, and "not cool".