The Burlap Bride - Websites have RUINED Everything Unique about Weddings

Vintage Bliss Wedding

"Your wedding is going to look like a ridiculous yard sale!" My mother said this to me when I squealed with delight the day I found an old, beat up Pepsi cooler that I wanted to purchase to use as an ice chest for drinks at my wedding. It was banged up and really gross, but I was convinced I could turn it into a "cool element" at my wedding. My mom just looked at me like I was nuts and rolled her eyes as if I had lost my mind.

At the time, we were planning a simple back yard wedding without frills. The ice chest I found would have been an alternative to the run of the mill galvanized aluminum buckets you see on ALL the Pinterest pins. I guess I wanted something different that was not cliche, would be durable, and work for an outside wedding. While the internet is great for inspiration, I really do think it has ruined everything unique about weddings. It seems as though every time someone mentions a "theme wedding" all you hear are moans and groans about "how overdone it is" or that everyone has seen it before. And well, that is because we have - on Pinterest.

The more I thought about it the more I began re-thinking my "theme". Originally I wanted to do the lace/burlap/mason jar thing. I wanted my wedding to be more or less a slightly upper scale backyard barbeque. This is what I felt would be the most comfortable for my guests - because really most people hate having to get dressed up to go to a fancy wedding and are thrilled when you say it will be "casual" and jean friendly. So, off to Pinterest I went. Within no time I had amassed a board of 300+ pins featuring barns, mason jars, and whiskey barrel tables. When we initially thought we were going to have our wedding this year, we even visited a barn venue that ended up being a let down. I guess I wanted something different than a country club or a fancy place where people would feel uncomfortable. But was a barn really appropriate for us? Well, no, not really.

A Marriage of Passion and Style

My fiance was raised on a farm...but I do not think I have ever set foot in a barn other than to rummage for junk at an auction. At least a barn provides a shelter for tables in most cases - but they are really small and not very elegant when you actually look at them. But oh, the pictures! You know? The ones taken in October in the Midwest with the cafe lighted barn, and guests making toasts with mason jars, and the bride is in a lace mermaid gown, and there is a tire swing somewhere? For some reason, that was the vision of what I wanted at my wedding. I guess it was my way of having the elegance of lace with the rustic utilitarian aspect of burlap to create something "neutral"...but that is really not me. I am vintage quirky and will take a rainbow of colors over something neutral any day. My fiance and I are also the rugged outdoorsy type - as in we love to hike and experience nature. Something that we both are definitely NOT are "county people" - we do not ride horses, hunt, or go to the rodeo. On the other hand a barn venue would have provided an outdoor element - which is really more of what I was wanting the barn for. I guess I did not want to be "obvious" with my wedding theme or have people "just know" what I was going to do in terms of a theme before we even sent out invitations. At the same time, I did not want people to think we were having a hoe-down if we announced the reception would be taking place in a barn...

Polka Dot Bride

I must admit I was a bit irked in the beginning when I started telling friends and family members about my engagement and they automatically assumed I would be doing a "vintage theme" since I am a vintage dealer. For one, I really do not know what a "vintage theme" is. I certainly know what vintage items are because I sell them for a living - but did they think I would be going full blown 1890's Victorian, 1920's deco flapper, 1950's rockabilly, 1960's hippie? I do in fact love various elements of all these eras. But kind of like the decor in my house - "eclectic" is the term I prefer - choosing just one would be very hard for me. Furthermore, if you as a bride pick something very specific like 1920's speakeasy, you are extremely limited on various design elements you can use, otherwise it will look out of place. This can get quite costly very quickly because it would look odd if you were wearing a Mori Lee beaded sheath dress and your bridesmaids are in modern cocktail dresses. So, they would also have to get beaded gowns or something with feathers and fringe.

I personally take particular issue to some of these "extreme theme" weddings because they tend to look like costume parties or Halloween (think Great Gastby or Lord of the Rings). Additionally, for whatever reason the term "vintage theme" initially gets thrown into the same lot as rustic and shabby chic and if not, it leaves guests thinking they have to "dress a certain part" when they attend. I certainly did not want to declare we are having a "vintage theme" (era specific or not) and suddenly get a flood of calls from people asking if they have to wear zoot suits and fedoras or pearls and furs. Again, this was another reason why I thought the lace & burlap thing would work better...At the same time, this is yet another major drawback of utilizing a theme in your wedding.

Estate Weddings and Events

After the bummer at the barn venue and some other setbacks, we decided to push the wedding to next year. Honestly, I was feeling way overwhelmed with the whole planning process. However, before we made this decision I did find my wedding dress. It was nothing like I originally thought I wanted. I did have an ivory lace mermaid dress is mind and I tried one on, but I really could not justify spending $1000 on a dress. So, instead I kept with my frugal ways and found a really different, pre-owned, satin dress with TONS of STUFF. I love "stuff" and the dress I found has it all. It is two different colors, it has off the shoulder sleeves, it has rosettes, it has lace, it has appliques, it has pearls, it has rhinestones, it has EVERYTHING - in other words, it is totally me! It was at this time that I decided I needed to make my "theme" what I wanted and what "fit" us, and not based exclusively on something I saw online. I also decided that I no longer wanted to stick to something super specific so I could have the freedom to add elements without them looking out of place.

Wedding Bee

I was just curious as to what other brides-to-be actually thought of wedding trends and themes to see what they were personally sick of seeing or hearing about others doing, so I asked on Wedding Wire. The number one thing they said they were sick of was the rustic/mason jar trend - the "burlap bride". Brides seemingly are now totally disgusted by hay-bale seating, manure caked cowboy boots with a $2500 lace gown, chalk boards, wash tubs for drinks, hydrangeas and baby's breath, cutesie signs, and the aforementioned mason jars and burlap. They are also so over "random furniture" sitting out in fields with non-wedding related stuff on them or "shabby chic" because it looks like a flea market and not a wedding.

After I thought about it, it really does not make any sense to have a "display" of junk out on a table for your guest book. Why will a simple desk and a chair with a flower arrangement not suffice? Why is it necessary to stack classic novels 5 high with a dusty, old typewriter on top with a cutesie note that says to write something for the couple and have a top hat hanging on the chair-back? Well the latter is because someone saw it in an editorial photo shoot, it ended up on Pinterest, and brides thought it was "so cute" they had to have it for themselves. Guests however are likely going to say one of two things when they see this -"I don't get it" or "OMG I saw that on Pinterest, too!" In other words, no one will think you are clever, they will just sigh because they have seen it before and it makes no sense for the couple to have that particular element in their wedding.

Perfect Pear Bridal

The brides I asked on Wedding Wire were also so sick of looking at other specific "trendy" elements as well. Some of these were: Peacock/Mardi Gras, Damask when it does not fit the venue, nautical or beach themes in places like Oklahoma, candy bars, mustaches, chevron, putting signs on ring bearers and flower girls as if no one knows their role in the wedding already, weird food trucks when there is a plated meal, and signature drinks. Brides are even "over" older traditions like bouquet/garter toss and head tables. This however probably has more to do with the fact that the average bride and groom are nearly 30 when they wed and will either have no single friends and/or will have married friends who do not want to be packed into a head table in attendance.

Another reason why I think cliched themes are getting out of hand is commercial availability. Hobby Lobby for example has specific sections in the wedding aisles for burlap/rustic, peacock/masquerade, glam/deco, and so on. We also noticed that most of the local barn venues are offering in-house rentals of mason jars, mismatched plates, doilies, ecru linen tablecloths, etc. While this might be a dream come true for some brides, others might feel compelled to give in and use what is available for ease even if it was not what they had in mind. I mean if you think about it, I bet there are a lot of brides like me who wanted a barn venue for the unique space and outdoor possibilities and not necessarily because they wanted a "rustic" themed wedding. On a side note, I also wanted a barn because they are much more private than a park. It is very difficult to find a private venue that is not a barn actually.

It did seem that the rejection of of cliched/tired/used themes came about more recently according to a vendor I spoke with at a bridal show. I was also told that more brides are going modern and/or glam - with one or two colors and minimal decorations. In other words, brides are going back to simply choosing an accent color and NOT having a designated theme. One vendor attributed this to the fact that when some brides go with a "Pinterest-y" theme, the theme is literally represented EVERYWHERE. Nothing is seemingly subtle anymore, and this began to bother numerous brides. An example of "over theme-ing" would be if you used chevron as your main design element - and you proceeded to use a chevron aisle runner, straws, table cloths, favors, silverware wraps, cake, place mats, ribbon, etc. A color bomb is another - you do not need your bridesmaids to be in pink gowns, have the groomsmen wear pink vests, while you all hold/are wearing pink flowers, and your tables have pink centerpieces, pink overlays, pink napkins...you get the idea.

The Manor Restaurant

After being disappointed with some of the venues we looked at, I began leaning towards having the wedding in a park. This was initially what I wanted, but there are so many drawbacks to most parks that I did not think it would be feasible. Parks, nature, and hiking best represent who me and my fiance are as a couple - and it would get us out of using a specific theme. However I did understand that if we could not find a suitable park venue, we would have to tweak our design elements to whatever venue we came up with. I must admit it does bother me when I see weddings held in fancy, historic homes and the "theme" is carnival fun house or Star Wars. Luckily we found the most perfect venue I could have ever hoped to find (I am waiting until spring so I can take a zillion pictures and do a massive write up about it, that is how much I love the venue). The venue I found has a historic home, a covered patio, a garden, hiking, and more. So, given our good fortune of finding this epic venue we are doing an outdoorsy non-theme theme. If that makes sense.

Woodsy Weddings

Basically, we will be using elements of nature in our tables and decor. Most of this is going to be free or very low cost. I still have to buy linens - which will probably be green or ivory, but other than things like vases and flowers, the decor will be provided by nature. This will give us as a couple the flexibility to add other elements that would not really fit other themey-themes if we wish without it looking out of place. For example, I can add some vintage elements without it coming across as "shabby chic or rustic", my fiance and groomsmen can be casual or super formal without it looking out of place (you hardly ever see photos of a groom in a black tux at a rustic wedding), and we do not have to make the whole wedding totally formal or completely casual either. I do not want to go so far as saying we will have a "woodland" theme because I think a lot of people think of fairies and elves in a shire when they hear that term. 

Now that we (well me, I have spearheaded this whole "design element" of the wedding) have simplified things, I have found that we will be saving money by not having to buy mason jars, burlap for runners (no runners at all now), lanterns, "treat bar" items (we will give goodie bags as favors instead), non-edible favors, theme specific invitations, and so on. I still think I might make my own silverware pouches and/or sashes for the chairs since the dining chairs will be used outside at the ceremony. But, if I do this I will know I can immediately re-sell them after the wedding probably at a profit. Maybe for modern brides, having a no-theme theme is the way to go. I am still a little sad I did not buy that vintage Pepsi cooler for my drink tub though...