Find Your Seat! Wedding Escort Cards or Seating Charts

ZMC Designs

My mother and I ran down to our venue yesterday on a whim to sneak a peak at what it looks like in summer. When my fiance and I booked the venue, there was still snow on the ground and it was hard to truly envision how it would look. We assumed the venue would be vacant since it was a Friday morning, but they were actually setting up for a wedding that night! This was actually a blessing in disguise because we were able to see the grounds with chairs and tables set up.

I pleasantly found we going to have a lot more room than I anticipated AND they have 18 tables instead of the 16 I was originally told (does happy dance inside). On our way home we got to talking about seating and the flow of the reception. I absolutely want the reception to have a flow and make sure that people are not confused about where they sit. For this reason I think we need escort cards.

Wedding Bee

Even with the discovery that we will have two extra tables and potential seating for 16 more people, I really think we might fill the venue to near capacity. Because of this I want guests to make sure they know where they will be seated after the ceremony. This is something that will not be easy for us given the layout of the venue.

We are essentially getting married in the back yard of a historic house with the reception taking place in the courtyard. My idea is that I want people to be "coaxed" into walking into the front door of the home where they will pass through the living room. My intent is to set up a gift table in this room and have the escort cards next to the guest book. I hope - hope - people will understand that they are supposed to pick up their card on the way to the ceremony....my mom thinks this will never happen in a million years.

Wedding Bee

I can only recall one wedding I attended that had a plated meal. In reality, the only reason you need an escort system is if you are serving a plated meal where people got to choose their entree. All other weddings I have been to had a buffet and people got to sit where they wanted. This would not be an issue for us either if I did not feel like we would need every single seat. Now, I have been to weddings that were filled to capacity and had no seating system - and it was a huge flipping nightmare.

What happens is a large group of people will want to sit together and just start grabbing chairs. Guests really will look at a table for 8 and decide on their own that they think they can cram 12 people at that table. Of course they will "steal" 4 chairs from other tables to make this happen. People who do not know each other will not sit together - they just won't - so more chairs will get moved and eventually you will end up with people who will claim "they cannot find a seat". This is the last dilemma I want to happen at my reception. Luckily, there are a few ways to inform or show guests where they are supposed to sit and each have their pros and cons.

Southern Weddings

Use a Favor as an Escort Card:

This is my favorite way of delivering an escort card because it kills two birds with one stone. You can set up a table next to your guest book with your favors and have a tag attached with a guests name and their table number. BUT - in order for this to work you MUST have a sign that lets people know "Hey, this is your favor BUT IT ALSO HAS A NAME ON IT." You know people will just absentmindedly grab a favor and not even look to see if there is a name on it until it is too late. If this happens, there is absolutely no going back and people will have to find their own seats. If great aunt Ethel has the favor/card for my father in law's cousin, there is no way on earth they will figure out who is who. I am leaning towards this approach myself but I will have a HUGE sign that says "Take a treat to find your seat!"

El Brooklyn Taco

Use Tented or Pick Style Escort Cards

Typical run of the mill escort cards are just folded pieces of paper that form a tent so they sit upright on a table. These are a nice option because you can DIY these yourself since most come on punch-out sheets that can be fed into a printer. Be weary of fancy fonts however because sometimes they can be very difficult to read. This can be especially bad if you have a family where there are several people with the same name.

These are also pretty simple to display on a table but PLEASE make it easy for guests and group them by table number. If you want three sets of your aunts and uncles to be seated at the same table, make it easy and group their cards together. This will help people move more quickly to get them to their seats. Make sure if you use simple tented cards that they are NOT left outdoors - the slightest breeze will send them sailing.

You can also attach a small piece of paper with a pick to something that is not a favor - such as a pumpkin, bubbles or a sparkler to be used at the end of the night, a small bag of candy, a cupcake, etc. I would shy away from anything that can be eaten and make a mess like a clementine orange or a frosted cupcake. If your guests get to the table and open an orange they will probably just leave the peels on the table - same goes for wrappers. Keep this in mind given that trash cans might not be put out until dinner is served.

Once Wed

Escort Cards at EACH Place Setting

Okay, I will admit it - I hate this method of letting people know where they are to be seated. Unless you are having a small wedding, it is really annoying as a guest to wander aimlessly from table to table trying to find your seat. This is made even worse if you as a bride think it will be *nice* to seat random people together. I was at a very large wedding once and I was seated with 10 people I did not know. I was not very familiar with the other guests either so it was not like I could ask someone if they saw my name. It took me over 15 minutes in a crowded dining hall to find my seat. So, unless you are having a 50 guest or under affair, I would not use this escort card method.

Planning Bio

Using Trees, Hooks, Shutters for the Cards

Instead of using something you can pick up from a table, some brides are hitting up Pinterest for cutesie ways of displaying their cards. You can tie the cards to a large tree and let guests hunt for their name, put keys on hooks on an old door, or tie luggage tags to chicken wire inside the frame. While these are all cute ideas and would look adorable in pictures, none of these methods are very practical.

If you use a large tree you are going to have guests looking at every single card for the one with their name. Keys on hooks look whimsical and vintage, but you will have guests removing every key until they find their own and they will absolutely leave the rest on the table. It will look junky and disorganized in no time. The same will happen with luggage tags - they will fall on the floor and get lost and you will end up with a few guests having no idea which table they are looking for.

I have also seen several posts about brides using wire with clips - one bump and every one of them will tumble to the floor. One post I read a guest pulled a whole bulletin board over on themselves when they tried to yank their card from it without removing the tack. The tree idea is cute until you get cards that are stuck on the branches and they have to be broken or torn to remove. You get the picture. Some things look better in an editorial setting than when used in real life.

Virtue Event Planning

Seating Charts

Another popular method is to whip up a seating chart. Have one large chart that features table numbers and the corresponding names. Notice I said a LARGE CHART. If you use this method, you need to make that baby big enough and high enough so that many guests can see it at once. You do not want a cue line a mile long with guests waiting to figure out their seat because they cannot see it from afar. You will also run into the problem of people who will see their name, walk away, and then forget their table number. This happens more often than you think (was I at table 16 or 18...hummm?). If you opt to use names for your tables instead of numbers (movie names, park names, sport's teams, etc.) you might want to avoid the use of a chart for the same reason - people will forget once they walk away and will need to return to the chart.

Etsy

Let People Sit Where They Want

In a perfect world guests from both sides of the family would all mingle and love to chit-chat like they were not complete strangers. In the real world - this - does - not - happen. People really dislike being stuck with people they do not know. Because of this, you will have people make a mad dash to the tables to stake their claim and you will end up with several people who then cannot sit together. To be blunt, this pisses people off because no one wants to be stuck at a table with "randoms".

If your venue is large enough that you will have extra tables or extra places to sit, then really you do not need to bother with a seating chart. A prime example of this is if you are getting married in a park and guests will need to sit at picnic tables, you will not need a chart for that. You will also not need a chart if you have seating set up for 140 guests but you know only 110 will show up. All inclusive venues will typically set up extra tables for this reason. On the other hand if you are like me and already know you will likely fill every seat for dinner, you best have a chart or card system to make sure everyone has a seat.

Oh, and don't worry if you feel your aunt will get fussy if she is seated with her sister, or if divorced parents need to share a table. They are only going to be "confined" to that seat for the purpose of dinner then they can get up and move elsewhere or go to the dance floor. I think a lot of brides forget about this when they start to fret about who gets to sit with who.

The Knot

What I think I will end up doing is set up a table with bagged cookies and use them as favor/escort card combinations. I like the idea of having something guests can take to their seat and have a "sweet" during cocktail hour. They can of course save it for later since we will have appetizers, but I like the use of something perishable over a trinket. This will also eliminate the need to put favors at each place setting and it will keep the table clean so I can showcase my centerpieces.

The bottom line is make sure you have a plan in place once you get your final counts in for guests. I would not recommend doing seating arrangements early because you really never know how many people will RSVP. Also keep in mind you will need to allow for a few extra seats for anyone who shows up and did not RSVP. Even if you think this will never happen in a million years, it does happen at most weddings.

Grandparents & Elders At The Wedding - Things To Consider

Offbeat Bride

This is one of my favorite wedding related photographs from the internet. This couple decided they should have their grandmothers walk the aisle as "flower ladies" instead of using young children. I mean talk about a great way to make grandmothers be part of the wedding! However, I know that mine and my fiance's grandmothers are not even remotely this spry at their advanced ages. In fact, all four of our grandmothers need walkers or scooters and cannot walk on grass unassisted at all. Some other elderly family members have issues with heat/cold, need to have a bathroom available at all times, have food/medication issues, and so on.

Unfortunately, with so many couples marrying later in life, there are a lot of very elderly grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and even parents in some cases attending weddings with varying degrees of mobility or other health issues. When my fiance and I wed, his grandmothers will be 90 years old, mine will be 85 and 75. Both of our families have aunts and uncles who will be in their 70's. Some walk and can handle uneven terrain just fine, some have assistance with a cane, but others cannot walk on their own at all. This can become a HUGE issue at your wedding if you do not prepare for the "what ifs".

Wheelchair Assistance

If you are getting married in a church, you probably will not have to worry about wheelchair ramps. Since churches are public places, they must be ADA compliant. Even historic churches will have ramps retrofitted over stairs in some instances to make sure those with disabilities or families with strollers and carts can safely enter. That being said, sometimes the travel from the parking lot to the church can be an issue. Some people have a very hard time walking on gravel driveways or parking lots (many country churches do not have paved driveways). If your grandmother uses a push walker, these are virtually unusable on gravel and the tripping hazard is very high.

If you think about it, it is almost impossible to push an empty shopping cart on gravel, let alone a walker with only two wheels. Make sure if this is the case that there is a drive up area where elders can be dropped off so they can get inside safely. Typically, a church only has one area for a drop off - which is also typically where a "getaway car" or a horse drawn carriage will be parked for the bride and groom. Be sure you discuss this with the rector of the church or whomever is in charge so there is not an issue.

Stacy Able

Mobility can become a much bigger issue depending on where you hold your reception. I know my fiance and I contacted probably 20 venues in our search for "the one". Probably half had to be put on the "no list" because they could not accommodate wheelchairs or walkers. Public spaces like country clubs for example will also have wheelchair ramps and accessible bathrooms, but almost zero unconventional venues will be able to accommodate.

Almost all barn venues for example are privately owned so they will likely not have ramps, nor will they have paved drive/walkways. This is also the case at many "historical sites" like mansions and gardens with terraces. Rolling hills of vineyards can also be problematic, choppy dirt pathways in parks can be too narrow and uneven, it is almost impossible to get a scooter or walker to be usable on sand...you get the picture.

If you found a great venue that only has a few steps here and there such as an entrance into the front door of a historic home, or a small stairway to get from the back deck to ground level do not be hesitant to ask your venue director if they have ramps. Often, they will have them or can provide them at little to no charge. You can also rent ramps from several companies or build them yourself depending on the need. At the venue we chose, anyone can gain access to the reception tent from ground level and a wheelchair can be pushed to the grassy area where we will hold our ceremony. If anyone who happens to be using a walker does not want to walk on the grass, they can remain on the back patio and can see/hear us just fine.

House Ideas

Bathrooms can be another problem that a lot of couples might not initially consider. We had a very difficult time with this issue when we first started planning. Almost none of the local barn venues had bathrooms on site at all. They all required couples to rent either standard port-o-potties or luxury bath trailers. Neither of which are handicapped accessible. Another problem we found at a few venues was they often had a single bath on the main floor that was large enough for a wheelchair, but all the other baths were upstairs or in an outbuilding. This is all fine and dandy unless you have two or more people with walkers who need to use the bathroom at the same time or have people who cannot do stairs very well. Several bathrooms at historic homes also only have dinky half-baths available; so if someone needs to change a baby they cannot really do it in the bathroom either.

Luckily, the venue we chose has two bathrooms on the main level with one being handicapped accessible and three on the upper level. There is also a small room with a banquette if someone needs to change a baby. While the bathroom situation can be tricky if you are utilizing an unconventional venue or a venue that was not originally set up to host large parties, typically if you have one handicapped accessible bathroom you will be just fine. That way, even if you had to rent additional portable restrooms anyone who might be in a wheelchair can have bathroom on site.

Italian Lakes Weddings

Thinking of having an open-air wedding? Yes, they are quite lovely and it allows everyone to take in the beautiful sites without being obstructed by tent poles. But what if it is hot, and I mean really hot? Or what if the sun is blinding, as in you honestly cannot look at anything because you are squinting so hard? I have seen many weddings on Four Weddings where the guest-brides are complaining how stifling it is as you see sweat rolling down their brows. Yes, most people can suck it up for 20 minutes while they sit in the sun for a ceremony, but most elderly people cannot do this at all.

I have two uncles on medication that forbids them from being in the direct sun or even getting slightly overheated. My grandmother is another person who cannot get too hot or she will have issues. I am one of those people who cannot see squat in the direct sun without sunglasses so I made sure for our outdoor ceremony that we will be shaded by trees. At least if it is warm, no one will be left to bake in the sun! Since my reception is also being held outside I made sure if for some reason it ends up being 90 degrees in October (which is entirely possible for Indiana) that if anyone gets too hot, they can go inside the air conditioned home for comfort. This is just something to keep in mind. Also minding that no couple should be expected to accommodate everyone, but this is more of a common sense thing. If people get too hot (old or young), they will drink more - sometimes that more drinking means more alcohol is being consumed. It also might make people leave early if there is no reprieve from the heat. However, if an elderly person gets too hot and there is no relief, they will almost always just leave the event prematurely.

Balanced Healthy Life

Thinking of having a taco truck instead of a plated meal at your wedding? What about having catering brought in from your favorite Thai restaurant? What about having authentic jambalaya with tons of creole seasoning? While all these options would be AMAZING and I would be super exited if I was a wedding guest and had these food options, your guests might not be as thrilled. This is especially true for older guests.

I am not speaking for everyone obviously, but there are many older people in my family who would never in their lives eat anything like Pad Thai, Tandoori chicken, or anything that looked or sounded "foreign". There are also several older members of my family who cannot eat anything spicy because of stomach issues or medications they are taking. Again, like the issue I brought up with sun and heat, you must think not all 150 of your guests will be thrilled with whatever menu you choose. Just be mindful that everyone might not be able to eat the main course if you pick something spicy. The best way to avoid an issue of this sort is to offer more than one entree option, and make sure you have plenty of sides that people can eat if they are not keen on the main course. Generally speaking, if you want to do something unique and have exotic food you might want to have a simple pasta bar available as well for anyone who does not want or cannot eat your fun food choice. Pasta is generally a "neutral" food that almost everyone can eat.

Adult Medication

The last thing I want to touch base on are medications and attendants for elders. If you have a guest who is in hospice care or needs to have an attendant or nurse come with them, make sure you add them to your guest list! Obviously, they too will need to eat and be accommodated the whole day.

Forget about your cousin bringing an uninvited boyfriend as a "plus one". If you forget that Aunt Bernice needs her nurse with her, you will have to find somewhere to seat the nurse - without question or hesitation. This could also throw off your painstakingly arranged seating chart as well, which might be a HUGE problem if you are pinched for seating anyway. The same holds true for service animals. They too need a "seat" next to their owner at the table.

If you have someone at your wedding who is on a lot of medications (primarily painkillers) that will need to be taken throughout the day/evening, you might need to designate someone who is trusted to remind or dole out these medications if they do not have a nurse with them. More importantly, the security of medications is tantamount. If you think having security is a priority for your card box you might want to see if someone can guard medications as well. I have known people who had their cards not only stolen, but they were rifled through, opened, had the gift card removed, then resealed. Sadly, a lot of venue workers are very keen on this and are amazingly dishonest. If they are well versed on the "card tricks" they are also known to seek out elders as targets because so many carry medications in their purses.

I would not EVER consider my purse being "safe" at a coat check. Sorry, I know some attendants go through the bags and steal. I also know that it is not uncommon for pills and needles to go missing either. I always guard my purse with my life; I will even carry it to walk through a buffet line at a wedding. However, older people tend to be not as suspecting and will leave a bag unattended at a table. It only takes seconds for a waitress to open a bag and steal a bottle of pills or money while she is refilling a water. If you think this might be an issue at your venue, seriously consider hiring your own security. I am not by any means saying that elders cannot hold their own, because believe me they can! It is just extremely common for people to target elders for a multitude of reasons - they often carry medications, cash instead of cards, checks, and they might not notice if anything is missing right away, etc.

Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.

Dissecting 15 Wedding Trends of 2014

Hype Events

April has arrived! In season weddings have officially begun! And, well, so have the "new trends" that will be plastering the pages of Bride Magazine for the rest of the year. Coming off the heels of fun Santa filled Christmas themed weddings, unavoidably cheesy Valentine's Day weddings, and the best reason to get drunk at St. Patrick's Day weddings, spring and summer wedding trends have hit the books - and have thrown up all over Pinterest.

I never really understood how "wedding trends" really worked. A large number of people spend 18 months planning a wedding. So, in reality you will have your wedding planned before the "newest trend" comes around. This has me personally peeved because the theme I chose back in December of 2013 of a "woodsy/woodland" theme is now being touted as a hot 2014 theme - which will probably make my October 2015 wedding look like something everyone has seen before. Oh well, I love it and will do it anyway!

Anyway, without further ado, here is my take on 2014 wedding trends.

1.) Crop Top Wedding Dresses: Huh? I had no idea we were in a flashback to a 90's episode of Blossom where it was cute to wear a crop top with suspenders and stove pipe Pluggs. Unless you are a stick like Keira Knightly and have no boobs, you will just look like your top is too short or you forgot the middle part of your dress.

2.) Pastels: You know those nasty Easter colored mints that used to be served at weddings along side a big tub of peanuts? Yes, those. The colors of those chalky squares are now "hot" wedding colors for bridesmaids dresses. This is a fact: your pale, short, slightly out of shape bridesmaids will look like washed out extras from Twilight in a pastel dress. Pastels on adult women can read so childlike and Eastery - couple that with a cutsie style and all they will need are Halloween fairy wings made out of glittery panty hose to complete the look.

3.) Woodland/Fairy/Lord of the Rings Themes: Maybe the baby pastels with wings will work if you are doing this up and coming theme. Facing backlash from the "rustic burlap bride" craze, these same brides who want a perfect blend of casual and elegant without drifting into rodeo hoedown territory are going this route (me included). However, for whatever reason there are dozens of Pinterest pins that feature weddings that look like Aragorn is marrying Arwyn in the Shire complete with elves, gnomes, and toadstools with barefoot bridesmaids waving streamer wands. IT IS A WEDDING, NOT A COSTUME PARTY, DAMMIT!

Green Wedding Shoes

4.) HUGE Ridiculous Bouquets & Flower Arrangements: On average a bride will spend $1,800 on flowers. JUST FLOWERS! But now it seems as if that price could skyrocket with the humungous flower trend of 2014. Brides want massive arrangements to take over their tables - so much so they forget guests cannot see over all that crap while they eat. Plus, they want to carry a massive, cascading spread as well or are opting for paper/fake blooms that look like they came straight out of Alice in Wonderland. At this point, why not just go to Lowe's and buy a 2 gallon potted mum to carry or a giant stuffed animal from a carnival?

5.) Unplugged or Super-Plugged Ceremonies: Oh, but wait, let me take a selfie! God. I agree with a large number of brides who are asking/demanding that guests put their two-foot long Galaxy away for 20 minutes while you say your nuptials. Nothing is more ridiculous than when you get your professional photos back that you payed a good chunk of change on only to see everyone with a stupid phone in their hand as you walk down the aisle. Then there are those other brides. The ones who create a Facebook page, Twitter, personalized hashtag, Instagram, website, etc. just for their wedding and encourage people to snap away and otherwise be totally self absorbed in their phones all night.

6.) Bright and Weirdly Paired Color Combinations: Sometimes I have to ask myself if a bride stopped at a taco truck at the state fair and suddenly had an epiphany that she needs ALL THOSE COLORS at her wedding. I am talking about John Deere green, royal blue, fire engine red, and sunflower yellow - all at the same time. Okay, we get it, it is the 4th of July. But, your colors should not remind us of a package of Franks or a baseball game. Unless you have a lot of white/ivory in your wedding you run the risk of it looking like a box of Legos with all those primary colors. I myself love, LOVE color but keeping it in moderation/adjusting the hue of the colors will work best for a wedding.   

Zazzle

7.) Small & Simple Invitations: This is actually a good thing. I think not only brides but people in general realized that an elaborate, expensive, multi-folding masterpiece of stationary is a total waste of money given that the second after they are opened, they end up in the garbage. Not to mention you wasted a whole tree on printing out tiny maps that are too small to read, a picture of the couple that everyone has seen already on Facebook, and an RSVP that the guest will ultimately not put their name on so you have no idea who returned it to you. Less is more, when and where is sufficient, and anything supplementary you can put on your wedding website. Ditch the RSVP cards all together and save on postage - guests can call or e-mail you instead.

8.) "Naked Cakes" and Odd Fillings: As far as my mother, grandmother, and future in-laws are concerned there are two kinds of wedding cake flavors: vanilla and chocolate. While it is nothing new that brides also like to pick from red velvet, almond, and lemon, icingless cakes and questionable fillings are rearing their ugly heads. "I am having a coconut cake with sangria flavored jelly filling and key lime icing"...What? The more specific you get with your cake the less likely people are going to eat it. Keep this in mind when you are plunking down $4.00 a slice and if you care or not if it ends up in the trash after one bite. Also, people LOVE BUTTER CREAM ICING - do not rob your guests on the real reason they came to the wedding (okay, maybe not, but people do love cake AND icing).

9:) Blinged out Necklaces, Bracelets, and Belts: Us brides love our bling. We just do! But the new 2014 trend is for a bride to be in a simple, notice I said simple dress and have a huge, sparkling statement necklace and bracelet. This can go so bad so fast. I can see it now - a bride will pair one of this hideously and cheaply made rhinestone bibs with an already blinged out ball gown. She will look like a TLC Gypsy bride or a belly dancer - especially if she wears one of those aforementioned crop-top dresses. MODERATION LADIES, MODERATION!

Bridal Guide

10.) Edible Wedding Favors: HALLELUJAH! Brides finally got the hint that no one wants another silly shot glass with their wedding date etched on it! This holds true for personalized drink cozies, mini picture frames, single card holders, or other chotski that will end up at Goodwill or in the garbage. The only favor anyone will appreciate is one they can eat - 'nuff said. Cookies, chocolate, honey, BBQ sauce, salsa, etc. will be taken, used, consumed, enjoyed and probably remembered. They will not remember the cheapy pen that never worked from the second they picked it up from the guest book table.

11.) Elaborate Photo Booths: Photo booths became a trend several years ago and despite the fact that a lot of brides seem to think they are overdone, guests LOVE THEM! A photo booth is great for many reasons. People do not attend weddings often, so they likely have never seen one at a wedding before. People love to take photos, and they get to take a strip with them as a favor. You as a bride also get a copy to keep for yourself because every bride wants a picture of great-aunt Ethel in a disco afro (don't we all?). People get bored at weddings and not everyone dances, so this gives them something to do. And now, booths are getting more elaborate than ever with trunks of props, body length shots, they are BIG enough to get 15 people in one image, you can make movies in some of the new models, etc. Budget permitting, I am having one at my wedding - I know you will be jealous.

12.) Having Swanky Servers for BBQ: Now this is something I do not understand at all. Not only do brides want ushers (like your immature male cousins and geeky brother) to be in tuxedos like her fiance and groomsmen, but they are also expected to wear white gloves to shuffle people to their seats. Same for buffet meals featuring gussied up servers. I am sorry, but I thought buffet meant you got off your rear and got your food yourself? Oh no. Such savagery. Now, brides want to make their cheap BBQ more elegant by having white-glove wearing servers at each aluminum pan to gracefully slop pulled pork onto a plastic plate. Now that screams elegance. If you think having a self-serve buffet is too "steerage class of the Titanic" JUST HAVE A FLIPPING PLATED MEAL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

New York Mag

13.) Brides on a Budget: I guess it took a more than a few episodes of Four Weddings to get brides to realize that the $10K wedding always wins when put up against the $80K wedding. Brides are finally understanding that they do not need to drain their parents bank account (or their own for that matter) to have a nice wedding! More brides are taking up DIY projects, chopping the guest list, eliminating appetizers, hosting cash bars, and hoarding half off coupons for Hobby Lobby and Micheal's, anything to save a buck! I am a vintage dealer - I take no shame in digging a salvageable chair out of your trashcan. So, I am not ashamed to brag I am getting my flowers from an online wholesaler, my dress was pre-owned, and I am not spending any more than $14.00 a plate for food per guest. It seems that many 2014 brides feel the same as I do. Besides, when you boast to people about your wedding costing more than a house you automatically come across as a massive snob and people will say your wedding sucks if it does not meet the expectations of a Kardashian. 

14.) Old Hollywood Themes: This seems to contradict the idea that brides are trying to save money...Another trend still going strong from last year is the "Old Hollywood", "Roaring Twenties", or "Great Gatsby" theme. Everything is gold, everything is crystallized, candles are everywhere, people have ostrich feathers in their hair, birdcage veils, rhinestones, glitter, and pearls. I am all about a girl embracing her theme, but all this decor going on is going to make your wedding look like a caravan belonging to a traveling fortune teller. Furthermore, all this elaborate decor, an "era specific dress", historic get-away car, an olde-tyme pianist named Sam playing "As Time Goes By", and other period touches are not cheap to buy or rent. And again, it is SO EASY to drift so far into masquerade party territory that it no longer resembles a wedding. Also, I would like to take a poll in regards to how many 20-something brides have actually read the Great Gatsby...

15.) All Nighter or All Weekend Long Weddings: Now this is just plain ridiculous and unnecessary. Some couples are using their wedding as a means to start a party on Friday night, and make it last until Sunday morning. In short, it gives guests the green light to start drinking heavily at the rehearsal dinner, drink all through the wedding, then party until dawn on Sunday. Not only will this probably create some embarrassing moments at your wedding courtesy of your Uncle Bob and half the groomsmen, but if they get really out of hand you might need to call security, a cab or other "collection service", or even the police or hospital if guests get too out of hand. Don't make the elders attending your wedding feel like they suddenly entered a frat party or a rave or abruptly have to leave because your bridesmaids start booty-popping on a table. Be respectful of your guests and keep it classy. If people are still in party mode, arrange an after party somewhere else and they can hire their own cab to take them back to their respective hotels.

Keep in mind this is all in good fun and congratulations to all the 2014 brides! What is your take on some of this years "hot trends"?

State & City Park Weddings - The Good, Bad, & The Ugly Regarding Rules

The Blanton House

After painstakingly going through list after list of venues located in Indiana, I was really concerned we would not find something that would "fit us." We looked at several barn venues first. But, there were so many issues with one barn venue or another that we decided to abandon that option pretty quickly. I wrote all about our adventures with barns in this blog post. I literally went through all the venue lists on The Knot, Wedding Wire, and Rustic Bride trying to find a venue that was suitable, affordable, and available. I even found this obscure website that listed all the state and city parks (I cannot even find it now but it looked like it was made in Windows 95).

Whatever we eventually came up with, I was dead set on NOT using a country club; locally most people use one of the country clubs because there really is no other option. So, we started exploring city and state parks. My fiance and I are outdoorsy people to the core. We hike and geocache almost every weekend in the summer so it makes sense for us to have an outdoor woodsy wedding.

Angel Canary Photography

The first place I thought of was Mounds State Park. My fiance and I spend many weekends here in the summer since it is only about 10 minutes from my house. This park is also where we had several of our first dates when we first started seeing each other. Mounds offers a very small building you can rent that I knew from the beginning would not be big enough.

However, when I was searching online I found this picture of a tent (pictured right) erected in the yard adjacent to the party building. This photographer's blog has dozens of pictures from this couple's wedding that took place in Mounds Park. This picture and many others show they were able to use the historic home on site to get ready, the use of the enclosed party building, and they were also able to rent a tent and chairs. I thought this would be SO PERFECT! This was until we called Mounds...

It took a few calls before we got a hold of someone who could give us the skinny on having a wedding at the park. Apparently, the couple who got married at the park (where all the lovely pictures came from) were given the "celebrity treatment" because at the time, they WORKED THERE. The girl we spoke to was snippy on the phone when we told her we found pictures online of a tent and chairs and use of the historic home, and we wondered if that was part of their wedding package. You could tell by the tone of the person we spoke to that other people had seen the photographers pictures online and called the park thinking they would be able to rent the same amenities too.

Olry Photography

At Mounds, there is no such thing as a "wedding package" and the girl on the phone wanted to know where these photos were found (as if she could force them to be removed from the internet). At Mounds, you CANNOT have a tent erected anywhere, you CANNOT have a company truck bring in chairs for outside, you CANNOT have any access whatsoever to the historic building or even the nature center to get ready in (so there is NO place to get ready), and you CANNOT prepay for cars to come in to park (everyone without a state park pass has to pay $5 or $7 to get in).

Basically, everything featured in these photos was a major no-no and no "real person" could ever do the same at the park. We were told we could bring in chairs in a pickup truck or "personal van" but we could not have something like a local rental company come and bring them in inside their box truck...How ridiculous! However, when we started to call other parks they too had some really, and I mean REALLY bizarre rules and regulations.

Here is a list of some of the problems we ran into:

Flush the Fashion

NO Alcohol or weird alcohol rules.

Probably half of the parks we contacted did not allow alcohol, but you have to basically call each place individually to get the rundown on alcohol. Some allowed beer, but no hard liquor. Some allowed you to have beer in cans, but absolutely no glass bottles. Some said we could have beer, but we would have to PUT TAPE ON EVERY SINGLE CAN so no one "could tell from a distance" that it was beer (this was a specific rule at Mounds Park)...Some allowed alcohol but we had to use a bartender of their choice.

Some allowed alcohol but as long as we had a permit on file (you have to BUY THIS from the state) we could use whatever licensed bartender we wanted. At the venue we chose, they are allowing us to use whatever bartender we want and we can have them serve beer, wine, and hard liquor but we will have to use ALL plastic drinking vessels. MOST PARKS do NOT allow you to use real glass glasses for drinking because if they break, kids can step on them and get hurt.

MAOG Meet Up

NO candles, sparklers, bonfires, BBQ smokers, etc.

Most people know parks have signs EVERYWHERE that prohibit the starting of a fire outside a designated fireplace or ring/pit. This same rule applies for a wedding. HOWEVER, some of the parks do not even allow you to start a bonfire if you are having a wedding on site. Why? They are afraid someone will start it then leave it unattended. One of the parks I looked at said if you are hosting an event that has more than 30 people, you have to get someone from the fire department or the head of the boy scout camp to come and supervise whatever fire you have for the entire duration of your party. Some parks only allow bonfires at designated campsites or community fire pit as well.

Unfortunately, people are irresponsible - plain and simple - especially if they have been drinking. Keep in mind as well that you cannot use candles that light with a flame or sparklers/fireworks for the same reason. Many of the venues we looked at do not allow candles PERIOD even if you are renting an enclosed building. Some parks go even further and will not allow you to have a BBQ smoker on site for catering.

Dpnak

NO throwing or releasing of anything.

At the venue we chose the manager was very specific about what we could "throw" and what we could not. For one, if we are using flower petals in the yard they must be 100% real. This means no polyester fake petals AND NO "biodegradable" paper either. The biodegradable petals do not disintegrate, plan and simple. They just become trash that the birds can eat and it can kill them. You also cannot throw rice anymore either - it will kill birds because if they eat it, it will expand and explode their stomachs.

Some venues said no sprinkles either - it causes ants and bees to invade. Most places will also not allow you to use glitter, any kind of confetti, silly string, or anything that will become "waste". Most places will allow you to use bubbles or birdseed however. You can also release butterflies in most parks but some are specific about doves so you will have to ask. Oh, In speaking of "throwing", most city and state parks have pack out policies. Any trash you bring in must be taken with you in trash bags you provide when you leave. So all those bags full of paper plates and half eaten burgers will have to go home with you after the wedding!

Middle of the Map Weddings

How and when you rent and reserve.

Most of these park venues do NOT allow you to rent them in advance. Much like a park-run campground, you have to either call or in some situations you must PHYSICALLY GO TO THE PARK to reserve an enclosed building or a pavilion. We had an RV when I was a kid and I remember getting up at the crack of dawn on a Wednesday or Thursday before school to go to a park to reserve a campsite for the weekend. Weddings are no different.

Some of the places we looked into tell you that you must wait one year to the day to either call or come to the park to SEE IF THEY ARE AVAILABLE. There is ZERO guarantee! Some of the parks also let it slip that they give special permission to city workers, donors, friends of park employees, boy scouts, schools, etc. So, basically if you want a very popular or specific weekend for your wedding, you probably will not get it.

Other parks will only allow you to come the DAY OF your event or the day before to reserve a pavilion or gazebo. If this is the case, you will need a family member, day of coordinator, or a groomsman - someone to hightail it to the park very early to reserve it. It is also NOT FREE to reserve a pavilion at some parks. This can be a catch 22 type situation because of how this is handled. Say for example you are getting married over Memorial Day weekend and you want use of a specific pavilion for the reception. Other park guests might come and be at the park early to set up their BBQ/family reunion at a pavilion without reserving it. So, you might be at the gate paying your rental fee like you are supposed to and when you get to "your" pavilion, there might already be a party in progress.

We actually saw this happen in Brown County this past October. We were hiking and heard a HUGE spat going down. A horse drawn carriage and about 30 cars arrived at a pavilion located next to the water. An older man (probably the bride's father) was screaming and waving their park permit at a Hispanic family that was holding a full blown Quinceanera with over 50 guests. We watched the spectacle for about 15 minutes and no one from the park came to help. It was obvious neither family was going to budge...

DNR Illinois

Lack of security, supervision, or other issues.

Never forget that parks are public spaces. Just because it is obvious someone is holding a wedding in a particular area of a park does not mean people will not sneak in or possibly cause a problem. The DNR are not your personal security! In fact, if you are having more than 100 people in attendance, it might be a good idea to hire an off duty police officer to watch over the party - in particular the gifts. It seems like every day you hear about cards and gifts getting stolen at weddings. It would be very easy for someone to slip in and out of a busy park unnoticed with your card box in their backpack.

You also have to take into account that other activities might be taking place at the park during your wedding. We go to parks all the time. Every now and then a marathon will take place and you cannot find a parking space in the whole park. It could be Boy Scout day and 200 ten-year-olds might be running around. The SWAT team might be doing diving training in the creek and they will be screaming (some are obscene) as they recover "bodies" from the water. People can also accidentally stumble upon your wedding - then proceed to walk through it because they do not know where the tail head is located. I must admit we did this on accident at the IMA when we visited their garden center on what was apparently also prom day. There were so many young ladies in fancy dresses with eager parents snapping photos we were trying to stay out of their way when we accidentally walked directly behind an officiant conducting a wedding...oops!  

Robert & Kathleen Photography

Limitations on tents and decorations.

Some of the parks we looked at stated under no circumstances could anyone use crepe paper streamers or balloons as decorations. These two items can blow or float away easily so that is understandable. One park said you could not use shepherd hooks that go into the ground. Many do not allow you to attach anything to the pavilions with tape, nails, or staples and instead you have to use twine. Many parks simply do not allow any "attached" decor at all (centerpieces are usually just fine).

Ultimately these rules are in place because people make a mess and certain things can really harm animals. Like I said before, most parks do not even have trash cans anymore because they have adopted a "pack out" policy. My fiance and I always take a trash bag with us when we hike because we volunteer to pack out whatever anyone else was too lazy to take with them to throw away themselves.

Many parks will not allow you to use tents either. Like I said before in regards to Mounds, if the tent has to be staked into the ground, most will not allow it. Keep in mind any large tent (like you use for a wedding) will need to be staked into the ground for stability. Some allow small popup style tents like caterers use. However, aside from the venue we chose that provides a tent, all the other parks we looked at had a strict "no tent policy" or a tent placement rule where they had to be in a certain spot. LIGHTING is another issue! Parks are NOT OPEN at night! Because of this, they are not illuminated. While some parks will allow you to stay until the late evening, make sure you have lights available and the electricity to use them. Most parks will allow you to use Christmas or cafe lights in pavilions since they can be easily draped and subsequently removed, but make sure you ask the park and have ample outlets!

Elizabeth Ann Designs

Music is another issue. Some parks do not care if you have a DJ - some will not allow you to have one at all. Strict sound ordinances are enforced by most parks in regards to how loud the music is across the board. Parks are peaceful places, and you must think not everyone will enjoy you blasting dance music in the early afternoon.

You have to keep in mind as well a park pavilion might not have any electricity (or appropriate number of plug ins) for a DJ to hook anything into. While some parks will allow you to have an string quartet or a band, again the rules and sound decibel limit will vary from park to park. Usually if the park allows music, you typically have to have it off by 10:00 or 11:00 PM. Never forget when you have a wedding at a park, it is not your private domain! Be respectful of park guests, any other bride that might be holding a wedding at the same time, and take care not to harm or damage the plants and animals.

MAJOR perks to having a park wedding:

Aside from some funky rules, ultimately parks really are great places to hold weddings. For one, you really do not need any decor - let the woods, water, and nature be your canvas. There is plenty of parking and usually they have handicapped accessible bathrooms. Parks are also very casual so you do not get that stuffy, hoity vibe you sometimes get from country clubs. If you think your guests will get bored, they can hike a trail, bring their fishing equipment, or snap some nature photos. Parks are also SUPER kid friendly! They have amazing playground equipment to keep them entertained or you can send them across the way to play kickball or tag. If you do not mind your guests sitting at picnic tables, seating will not be a problem so you do not have to rent anything extra for that.

Persimmon Images

Most parks are also very cheap to rent - that goes for pavilions and enclosed buildings. And if you need an event permit they are usually less than $100 depending on where you have your wedding (the park we chose does not require an extra event permit). There is also a major perk if the park has an eatery where they can cater your meal so you will not even have to deal with finding an outside caterer. If the park has cabins or camping, your guests can book one and make a weekend getaway out of the wedding, or your grandparents might want to bring their RV for the whole week and take a nice stroll down to your wedding. Your photos will be AMAZING! You will probably not have a waitstaff hovering around you the whole wedding and the whole thing can be very much about family.

Ultimately, we chose a park venue for the outdoor capabilities. I wanted that "in the middle of the woods" feel but with modern amenities like a tent in case it rained, ample lighting and electricity, modern bathrooms, a kitchen for the caterer, and formal tables and chairs. Our venue was more pricy due to them having all those amenities but I feel it will be totally worth it. On a side note, I cannot wait until May to revisit our venue so I can give a glowing review!