Engagement Pictures: Tips and more!

I am so beyond thrilled with how our engagement photos turned out! We had them taken on October 25th 2014. Surprisingly, it was about 75 degrees that day - which is extraordinarily warm for Indiana in late October. We were actually a bit over dressed for the weather (I was very hot and sweaty, there I said it). However the following Friday was Halloween and it SNOWED, so it just goes to show you how no one can "depend" on the weather. 

We hired our photographer all the way back in April of 2014. I had met her and her husband at a local bridal show my mother and I went to on a whim. Her personality and mine just clicked and I had a feeling she would be a great fit for us. I had already met with two previous photographers who just did not work out at all. I must admit I was a bit nervous about choosing a photographer because I did not want to pick someone who I felt was not on the same page as myself and my fiance. This was what led us to choose Krisandra Adams. I am not going to lie, I knew I was going to hire Krisandra from the moment I met her. She came across as fun, quirky, and confident. I also liked that she specialized in boudoir photography but did weddings as well. Why did this matter to me? The way I felt about it was if she was comfortable taking photographs of women in their most intimate state then I felt she could capture the honest emotion of our wedding. I also adore that her husband is her second wedding shooter and right hand assistant. 

Part of our wedding package included an engagement session. Deep down inside I wanted these engagement photos more than I can possibly describe. Prior to this photo session, every - single - picture of myself and my fiance together are of us in Halloween costumes or we are being silly. In other words, they are not pictures I can give to my family to have framed for the mantle. Our engagement session gave us 57 - yes 57 amazing pictures of the two of us being "us". 

I know a lot of couples like to have multiple wardrobe changes for their engagement, shoot but for us this made zero sense. I mean think about it; wouldn't you agree that it looks "off" when you see a couple very dressed up standing in the middle of a field? This does not happen naturally so it just ends up looking like you got lost on the way to dinner. We had a discussion of what "kinds" of photos we would want taken. I provided three options: We could do a really dressed up shoot but have them taken at the theater or a museum - something appropriate for "fancy" attire. We could go casual and have them taken at the park where we spend most of our time. Or, we could go 100% hockey fanatic and have pics taken at the ice rink ON the ice. We decided the park setting would best represent us and be the nicest setting for the photographs.

Given our choice of having the photos taken at Mounds Park we mutually decided to wear something we would normally wear if we went hiking. I told my fiance that I was going to wear jeans but it was NOT decided that we would both be wearing plaid shirts. This happened by chance and I am really glad it did. Wearing plaid allowed us to be "casual" without going too casual, but most importantly we did not look out of place in our natural setting. This was extremely important because as you can see, we were photographed standing in a wet area and sitting on rough surfaces - if I had been in a dress and heels we would have had many photo opportunities lost. Keep in mind your photographer might have you sit on wood or rocks or lean up against something rough like bricks, so make sure you are mindful not to wear something that will easily snag. You also might be asked to straddle something or lay on a bench which might be awkward if you are in a short skirt.

We did bring one change of shirts - we brought our personalized hockey jerseys. I asked my fiance if he wanted to do this for the sake of having save the date cards made - it would have both our names on it and be "cute". Well of course he was on board and already knew he was going to wear his Canadiens jersey...As it turned out we received several GREAT pictures of us in our jerseys even though it looked a bit "out of place" for the setting.

Aside from me taking off my vest for the last 10 or so pictures we did not complicate things by using props, changing clothes, or being in a setting where we would have to wait for the "right moment" to have a photograph taken. Given my experience I will offer a few tips for other brides to be to ponder if they are considering an engagement session.

1.) I think if it is offered, you should absolutely do an engagement session. It is not just about having pictures to give to family (even though that is always nice) it is about having that crucial "trial run" with your photographer so you can iron out any questions or concerns. It also gives you an idea of how you will look in pictures using the methods your photographer will choose - not all photographers use the same techniques or even editing styles. 

2.) It will be awkward. Having someone tell you to pose or be candid is weird - bottom line. Having someone tell you to "kiss and hold the pose" will make you laugh. We have several amazing pictures of us laughing at each other trying to look "lovey" while struggling to not to fall off slippery rocks into the creek below. That being said, just roll with it. Digital cameras allow photographers to take a zillion pictures so who cares if they get a couple of "duds" or funny faces.

3.) Wear clothing you are comfortable in and shoes conducive for the terrain. My fiance had mesh topped shoes on and his feet got wet when we took pictures near the water. My boots were leather - and yes my feet were a bit wet as well. However, that is much better than trying to walk across wet rocks in pumps and dress shoes. We also ended up walking about half of the main trail to "follow the sun" and get the best pictures. I feel like my feet would have been near death if I had worn heels. If it looks like it might rain, purchase an umbrella just in case. The same holds true for jackets and sweaters; if it is cold you don't necessarily need to look bundled up at all times. Take a coat that you can wear between location shoots. I had on a leather vest that had to come off by the end of the shoot because I was so hot.

4.) Take a hairbrush and your makeup kit with you. I did not do this and I really wish I had. My hair is naturally very thin and wispy. It was so humid that day my hair just went everywhere about half way through the shoot. Furthermore I started the shoot out wearing a pink lip gloss. It gave me the perfect amount of color without overdoing it. But again, half way through the shoot it had faded and I looked washed out n a few photos. This can of course be corrected with photo editing software, but I was bummed that I looked so pale in a few great pictures. I was very pleased that I splurged and used L'Oreal Face Primer for the first time. I did not have to mess with my foundation or anything the whole shoot and we were out in the woods for almost 2 hours. Just a little bit of that stuff went a long way and it really did give me a "flawless" finish. I also felt like powder set better as well. I would use the product again. 

5.) In speaking of makeup, be mindful of the colors you choose. I have dark brown eyes so I usually have some wild color of eyeshadow on - green, blue, purple, two sometimes three colors. Yea. I wore my "usual" bright green eyeshadow and damn, it is green. Just - so - green. After I saw the pictures I thought to myself that it looked really out of place because it was "too done". It would have been okay if I was in a black cocktail dress but not walking in the park. I should have gone with a shimmery champagne or light brown to "match" the setting. Like I said before, this was a great trial run for me and at least now I know for the wedding I will need to go neutral with the eye, use fake lashes for subtle drama instead, and go with a long lasting lip stain instead of a gloss. I would not have been aware of any of this if I had not seen it in my engagement pictures. My fiance obviously did not have this problem - he wore a blue shirt to match his blue eyes and he looks great in all the pictures :)

6.) Do not be afraid to suggest a pose or ask your photographer to take a picture of something specific if it means something to you. My fiance and I have a habit of patting each other on the rear and making a joke on how it "ranks" with other pats. So, I asked our photographer to take a picture of us with his hand on my bum. I love the picture because you can see my ring, and it is a cute pic without being too crass. 

7.) Do not rely on, fret about, or go overboard on props. I know right now props are very popular: The Mr. and Mrs. signs, the metal or wood "&" sign, balloons, various banners with dates, chalkboard anything, pennants, etc. It seems like every engagement picture I have seen in the last three years features some kind of prop. I too was initially on board with props but I changed my mind. I was dead set on having something with our wedding date on it but I decided against it just in case for some reason we would need to change the date of our wedding or something in the future. After all, we had our engagement photos taken almost a year before the wedding. Additionally, the props will change in style or go away all together in the future - they are a fad - and fads ultimately date photographs. The same holds true for "themed photo shoots" (Great Gatsby anyone?) so I wanted something more timeless. 

8.) Be prepared if something weird happens. You might be wondering what this could possibly entail. Well...when we were having our pictures taken down by the water a group of women must have thought we were celebrities. As we were leaning on a tree trying not to fall into the White River, a group of three women stopped on the trail, pulled out their phones, and began recording us and taking pictures. They stood there for almost 10 minutes. It was so bizarre the photographer commented that she has never had this happen before. I am not suggesting something like this is common but be prepared to be approached by animals, get pooped on by a bird, step in mud up to your calf, have to wait for people to move or pass to get a shot in a "high traffic area", have people ask you what you are doing, etc. 

9.) Most importantly, have fun! Even if you are nervous, feel awkward, or have never had professional pictures taken before do not let your insecurities get the best of you in photos because it will show if you do. This can be combated by possibly doing a trial run with your fiance at home in your living room to get an idea of how you can pose together, try to mimic a picture you found on Pinterest, and do not make any "major changes" or wear uncomfortable clothes. If you do not usually wear a lot of makeup, do not go overboard. I say this because you will worry about how it looks the whole time and ultimately you will not look like yourself if you never wear makeup otherwise. You do not want to be unrecognizable in your own engagement photographs! I would also suggest wearing something you already own and you know you look good wearing. You don't want to buy a new blouse only to find out after the fact you can see through it when it is photographed or buy a sweater and wear the wrong bra that ends up showing a bunch lumps you never knew existed.

Do Not Get Your Wedding Dress From Ali Express: A Horror Story

Okay so maybe it was not a true "horror story" but it was a MAJOR pain in the rear! The purpose of this post is not to bash any dealer, but to share my personal experience and drawn out issues with purchasing a dress from an Asian seller. In light of the funny news article about Angry Brides and their Discount Dress Messes, I thought this might be helpful to other brides looking to shave some cents off her bridal gown.

These above images are from an AliExpress dealer where my mother purchased her mother of the bride gown. She fell in love with the overall style and look of this gown for several reasons: It had sleeves, it had a lacy overlay, the color was neutral, it would be appropriate for fall, it was knee length, and it was "motherly" without being "grandmotherly". She showed me the dress online and with a price of $55, I thought it was worth a shot. She purchased the dress on October 9th, 2014. The reason she purchased it was because the seller boasted a hassle free return policy if the dress did not fit since it was not custom made. The size my mother ordered was a US SIZE 16 or an XXXL - She bought such a large size so she could have it altered to fit her perfectly...Now begins the long, drawn out affair with the dress...

As you can see when it arrived it was the wrong size on the tag - not even close. The tag reads it is a UK (United Kingdom) size 16 - which is a US (United States) size 12. Not only does this contradict the sizing chart provided on the purchase page but a secondary tag indicates this is an XL - which again according to their sizing chart would make this dress a US size 10. In short, this was not a US size 16 on the tag - NOR WAS IT EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE IN THE MEASUREMENT.

Just look at this. The waist circumference on the dress that arrived that was supposed to be a US size 16, measured less than 28 inches around. You can see that the liner is quite a bit smaller than the overlay, and I will also add the liner did not stretch at all. I wear a size 4 - A SIZE 4 and for comparison a size 4 Calvin Klein dress has a 28 inch waist.

As if the overall size was not an issue, one of the sleeves was 3/4 of an inch shorter than the other. And GOOD LORD LOOK AT THE HORRIBLE CONSTRUCTION!

What on earth is the deal with the PLEATS? In the original listing there are no pleats in the image provided. Why are these even here? They are not even done correctly; the overlay along with the cheap liner were gathered and sewn with the excess not removed and the pattern is totally disrupted.

The back is even worse than the front. Not only are the pleats repeated but they are CROOKED AND UNEVEN. I am going to also add that in person the color of this dress is not nude - it is actually very much pinkish taupe. It reminds me of a liquid cosmetic color in a bottle - that is slightly pink to match a "buff beige" skin tone. I think it is the liner that makes it appear this way.

Oh, and this dress was only about 32 1/2 inches long. On me (I am 5' 8" tall) it was at least 4 inches above my knee. As you can see, the bottom hem is uneven and all the ridiculous pleats pucker the overlay to the point where no amount of ironing or steaming will fix it.

Because of all of this - the fact that it was 6 dress sizes too small and beyond junky in construction, my mother decided to send the dress back. I will add that the dress was purchased on October 9th, 2014 and it did arrive about a week later. The above image is a copy of the confirmation e-mail my mother received noting the hassle free return. Well, On October 23, 2014 she mailed the dress back with this order slip enclosed. By Thanksgiving (a month later) my mother had not received her money back. Hum? Surely it would have arrived by then? I mailed the package (at a cost of almost $16) via First Class Mail International. My mother e-mailed the seller, who said they never got it and she was not getting a refund. Since I purchased the return label from USPS I called the USPS and spoke to a supervisor who said this kind of thing is happening ALL THE TIME. Yes, it is a SCAM. In my confusion I asked what he meant. Apparently, if you mail anything back to China and it is NOT IN A FLAT RATE BOX, the POSTAL TRACKING DOES NOT WORK. These Ali dealers KNOW THIS and they use the excuse "it got lost" to avoid accepting returns and issuing refunds.

Well, long story short my mother had to submit my proof of return shipment to Visa and in January, Visa refunded her the cost of the dress less the $16 I paid to ship it back. I was fine with this because at least she got her money back. BUT HERE IS THE KICKER...

On March 3rd, 2014 this mangled package was in my mother's mail box...IT IS THE SAME DRESS. Oh, and look. THE SELLER REFUSED TO CLAIM THE PARCEL. What happened in the world of international postal delivery is the seller was notified they had a returned package but they decided to not claim it. This is not the same as it being found "undeliverable". The return address is the same as what it was when it arrived to my mother - the seller just refused to accept the return. This is actually how I was able to give a detailed account of how bad this dress was and the subsequent ordeal.

As you can see, it went back to China and there is writing and stickers all over the exterior of the parcel. Note the date it was mailed out - and I got it back almost 5 months later.

 This looks like it was run over by a truck. The exterior paper I wrapped this in is Postal Grade craft style paper. I have used this for years for all my Ebay and Etsy sales and never had it get this chewed up. There were multiple holes and scrapes in the bag and if it were not for all the tape I used I am sure the entire parcel would have been destroyed and lost.

Note this large tear in the side. Luckily I had enough presence of mind and packing experience that not only did I fold and Ziplock the dress, I  then wrapped it in a secondary bag-style long plastic garment bag and taped it as well. So, now what I am left with is a dress I paid $16 in shipping for and to be honest, this is not even worth salvaging. I think I might try and take the horrid pleats out and turn this into a shift dress, but the sleeves and bottom need to be totally re-hemmed. Long story short, given this awful long, drawn out affair I would never order from an Ali seller again.

Find Your Seat! Wedding Escort Cards or Seating Charts

ZMC Designs

My mother and I ran down to our venue yesterday on a whim to sneak a peak at what it looks like in summer. When my fiance and I booked the venue, there was still snow on the ground and it was hard to truly envision how it would look. We assumed the venue would be vacant since it was a Friday morning, but they were actually setting up for a wedding that night! This was actually a blessing in disguise because we were able to see the grounds with chairs and tables set up.

I pleasantly found we going to have a lot more room than I anticipated AND they have 18 tables instead of the 16 I was originally told (does happy dance inside). On our way home we got to talking about seating and the flow of the reception. I absolutely want the reception to have a flow and make sure that people are not confused about where they sit. For this reason I think we need escort cards.

Wedding Bee

Even with the discovery that we will have two extra tables and potential seating for 16 more people, I really think we might fill the venue to near capacity. Because of this I want guests to make sure they know where they will be seated after the ceremony. This is something that will not be easy for us given the layout of the venue.

We are essentially getting married in the back yard of a historic house with the reception taking place in the courtyard. My idea is that I want people to be "coaxed" into walking into the front door of the home where they will pass through the living room. My intent is to set up a gift table in this room and have the escort cards next to the guest book. I hope - hope - people will understand that they are supposed to pick up their card on the way to the ceremony....my mom thinks this will never happen in a million years.

Wedding Bee

I can only recall one wedding I attended that had a plated meal. In reality, the only reason you need an escort system is if you are serving a plated meal where people got to choose their entree. All other weddings I have been to had a buffet and people got to sit where they wanted. This would not be an issue for us either if I did not feel like we would need every single seat. Now, I have been to weddings that were filled to capacity and had no seating system - and it was a huge flipping nightmare.

What happens is a large group of people will want to sit together and just start grabbing chairs. Guests really will look at a table for 8 and decide on their own that they think they can cram 12 people at that table. Of course they will "steal" 4 chairs from other tables to make this happen. People who do not know each other will not sit together - they just won't - so more chairs will get moved and eventually you will end up with people who will claim "they cannot find a seat". This is the last dilemma I want to happen at my reception. Luckily, there are a few ways to inform or show guests where they are supposed to sit and each have their pros and cons.

Southern Weddings

Use a Favor as an Escort Card:

This is my favorite way of delivering an escort card because it kills two birds with one stone. You can set up a table next to your guest book with your favors and have a tag attached with a guests name and their table number. BUT - in order for this to work you MUST have a sign that lets people know "Hey, this is your favor BUT IT ALSO HAS A NAME ON IT." You know people will just absentmindedly grab a favor and not even look to see if there is a name on it until it is too late. If this happens, there is absolutely no going back and people will have to find their own seats. If great aunt Ethel has the favor/card for my father in law's cousin, there is no way on earth they will figure out who is who. I am leaning towards this approach myself but I will have a HUGE sign that says "Take a treat to find your seat!"

El Brooklyn Taco

Use Tented or Pick Style Escort Cards

Typical run of the mill escort cards are just folded pieces of paper that form a tent so they sit upright on a table. These are a nice option because you can DIY these yourself since most come on punch-out sheets that can be fed into a printer. Be weary of fancy fonts however because sometimes they can be very difficult to read. This can be especially bad if you have a family where there are several people with the same name.

These are also pretty simple to display on a table but PLEASE make it easy for guests and group them by table number. If you want three sets of your aunts and uncles to be seated at the same table, make it easy and group their cards together. This will help people move more quickly to get them to their seats. Make sure if you use simple tented cards that they are NOT left outdoors - the slightest breeze will send them sailing.

You can also attach a small piece of paper with a pick to something that is not a favor - such as a pumpkin, bubbles or a sparkler to be used at the end of the night, a small bag of candy, a cupcake, etc. I would shy away from anything that can be eaten and make a mess like a clementine orange or a frosted cupcake. If your guests get to the table and open an orange they will probably just leave the peels on the table - same goes for wrappers. Keep this in mind given that trash cans might not be put out until dinner is served.

Once Wed

Escort Cards at EACH Place Setting

Okay, I will admit it - I hate this method of letting people know where they are to be seated. Unless you are having a small wedding, it is really annoying as a guest to wander aimlessly from table to table trying to find your seat. This is made even worse if you as a bride think it will be *nice* to seat random people together. I was at a very large wedding once and I was seated with 10 people I did not know. I was not very familiar with the other guests either so it was not like I could ask someone if they saw my name. It took me over 15 minutes in a crowded dining hall to find my seat. So, unless you are having a 50 guest or under affair, I would not use this escort card method.

Planning Bio

Using Trees, Hooks, Shutters for the Cards

Instead of using something you can pick up from a table, some brides are hitting up Pinterest for cutesie ways of displaying their cards. You can tie the cards to a large tree and let guests hunt for their name, put keys on hooks on an old door, or tie luggage tags to chicken wire inside the frame. While these are all cute ideas and would look adorable in pictures, none of these methods are very practical.

If you use a large tree you are going to have guests looking at every single card for the one with their name. Keys on hooks look whimsical and vintage, but you will have guests removing every key until they find their own and they will absolutely leave the rest on the table. It will look junky and disorganized in no time. The same will happen with luggage tags - they will fall on the floor and get lost and you will end up with a few guests having no idea which table they are looking for.

I have also seen several posts about brides using wire with clips - one bump and every one of them will tumble to the floor. One post I read a guest pulled a whole bulletin board over on themselves when they tried to yank their card from it without removing the tack. The tree idea is cute until you get cards that are stuck on the branches and they have to be broken or torn to remove. You get the picture. Some things look better in an editorial setting than when used in real life.

Virtue Event Planning

Seating Charts

Another popular method is to whip up a seating chart. Have one large chart that features table numbers and the corresponding names. Notice I said a LARGE CHART. If you use this method, you need to make that baby big enough and high enough so that many guests can see it at once. You do not want a cue line a mile long with guests waiting to figure out their seat because they cannot see it from afar. You will also run into the problem of people who will see their name, walk away, and then forget their table number. This happens more often than you think (was I at table 16 or 18...hummm?). If you opt to use names for your tables instead of numbers (movie names, park names, sport's teams, etc.) you might want to avoid the use of a chart for the same reason - people will forget once they walk away and will need to return to the chart.

Etsy

Let People Sit Where They Want

In a perfect world guests from both sides of the family would all mingle and love to chit-chat like they were not complete strangers. In the real world - this - does - not - happen. People really dislike being stuck with people they do not know. Because of this, you will have people make a mad dash to the tables to stake their claim and you will end up with several people who then cannot sit together. To be blunt, this pisses people off because no one wants to be stuck at a table with "randoms".

If your venue is large enough that you will have extra tables or extra places to sit, then really you do not need to bother with a seating chart. A prime example of this is if you are getting married in a park and guests will need to sit at picnic tables, you will not need a chart for that. You will also not need a chart if you have seating set up for 140 guests but you know only 110 will show up. All inclusive venues will typically set up extra tables for this reason. On the other hand if you are like me and already know you will likely fill every seat for dinner, you best have a chart or card system to make sure everyone has a seat.

Oh, and don't worry if you feel your aunt will get fussy if she is seated with her sister, or if divorced parents need to share a table. They are only going to be "confined" to that seat for the purpose of dinner then they can get up and move elsewhere or go to the dance floor. I think a lot of brides forget about this when they start to fret about who gets to sit with who.

The Knot

What I think I will end up doing is set up a table with bagged cookies and use them as favor/escort card combinations. I like the idea of having something guests can take to their seat and have a "sweet" during cocktail hour. They can of course save it for later since we will have appetizers, but I like the use of something perishable over a trinket. This will also eliminate the need to put favors at each place setting and it will keep the table clean so I can showcase my centerpieces.

The bottom line is make sure you have a plan in place once you get your final counts in for guests. I would not recommend doing seating arrangements early because you really never know how many people will RSVP. Also keep in mind you will need to allow for a few extra seats for anyone who shows up and did not RSVP. Even if you think this will never happen in a million years, it does happen at most weddings.

Grandparents & Elders At The Wedding - Things To Consider

Offbeat Bride

This is one of my favorite wedding related photographs from the internet. This couple decided they should have their grandmothers walk the aisle as "flower ladies" instead of using young children. I mean talk about a great way to make grandmothers be part of the wedding! However, I know that mine and my fiance's grandmothers are not even remotely this spry at their advanced ages. In fact, all four of our grandmothers need walkers or scooters and cannot walk on grass unassisted at all. Some other elderly family members have issues with heat/cold, need to have a bathroom available at all times, have food/medication issues, and so on.

Unfortunately, with so many couples marrying later in life, there are a lot of very elderly grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and even parents in some cases attending weddings with varying degrees of mobility or other health issues. When my fiance and I wed, his grandmothers will be 90 years old, mine will be 85 and 75. Both of our families have aunts and uncles who will be in their 70's. Some walk and can handle uneven terrain just fine, some have assistance with a cane, but others cannot walk on their own at all. This can become a HUGE issue at your wedding if you do not prepare for the "what ifs".

Wheelchair Assistance

If you are getting married in a church, you probably will not have to worry about wheelchair ramps. Since churches are public places, they must be ADA compliant. Even historic churches will have ramps retrofitted over stairs in some instances to make sure those with disabilities or families with strollers and carts can safely enter. That being said, sometimes the travel from the parking lot to the church can be an issue. Some people have a very hard time walking on gravel driveways or parking lots (many country churches do not have paved driveways). If your grandmother uses a push walker, these are virtually unusable on gravel and the tripping hazard is very high.

If you think about it, it is almost impossible to push an empty shopping cart on gravel, let alone a walker with only two wheels. Make sure if this is the case that there is a drive up area where elders can be dropped off so they can get inside safely. Typically, a church only has one area for a drop off - which is also typically where a "getaway car" or a horse drawn carriage will be parked for the bride and groom. Be sure you discuss this with the rector of the church or whomever is in charge so there is not an issue.

Stacy Able

Mobility can become a much bigger issue depending on where you hold your reception. I know my fiance and I contacted probably 20 venues in our search for "the one". Probably half had to be put on the "no list" because they could not accommodate wheelchairs or walkers. Public spaces like country clubs for example will also have wheelchair ramps and accessible bathrooms, but almost zero unconventional venues will be able to accommodate.

Almost all barn venues for example are privately owned so they will likely not have ramps, nor will they have paved drive/walkways. This is also the case at many "historical sites" like mansions and gardens with terraces. Rolling hills of vineyards can also be problematic, choppy dirt pathways in parks can be too narrow and uneven, it is almost impossible to get a scooter or walker to be usable on sand...you get the picture.

If you found a great venue that only has a few steps here and there such as an entrance into the front door of a historic home, or a small stairway to get from the back deck to ground level do not be hesitant to ask your venue director if they have ramps. Often, they will have them or can provide them at little to no charge. You can also rent ramps from several companies or build them yourself depending on the need. At the venue we chose, anyone can gain access to the reception tent from ground level and a wheelchair can be pushed to the grassy area where we will hold our ceremony. If anyone who happens to be using a walker does not want to walk on the grass, they can remain on the back patio and can see/hear us just fine.

House Ideas

Bathrooms can be another problem that a lot of couples might not initially consider. We had a very difficult time with this issue when we first started planning. Almost none of the local barn venues had bathrooms on site at all. They all required couples to rent either standard port-o-potties or luxury bath trailers. Neither of which are handicapped accessible. Another problem we found at a few venues was they often had a single bath on the main floor that was large enough for a wheelchair, but all the other baths were upstairs or in an outbuilding. This is all fine and dandy unless you have two or more people with walkers who need to use the bathroom at the same time or have people who cannot do stairs very well. Several bathrooms at historic homes also only have dinky half-baths available; so if someone needs to change a baby they cannot really do it in the bathroom either.

Luckily, the venue we chose has two bathrooms on the main level with one being handicapped accessible and three on the upper level. There is also a small room with a banquette if someone needs to change a baby. While the bathroom situation can be tricky if you are utilizing an unconventional venue or a venue that was not originally set up to host large parties, typically if you have one handicapped accessible bathroom you will be just fine. That way, even if you had to rent additional portable restrooms anyone who might be in a wheelchair can have bathroom on site.

Italian Lakes Weddings

Thinking of having an open-air wedding? Yes, they are quite lovely and it allows everyone to take in the beautiful sites without being obstructed by tent poles. But what if it is hot, and I mean really hot? Or what if the sun is blinding, as in you honestly cannot look at anything because you are squinting so hard? I have seen many weddings on Four Weddings where the guest-brides are complaining how stifling it is as you see sweat rolling down their brows. Yes, most people can suck it up for 20 minutes while they sit in the sun for a ceremony, but most elderly people cannot do this at all.

I have two uncles on medication that forbids them from being in the direct sun or even getting slightly overheated. My grandmother is another person who cannot get too hot or she will have issues. I am one of those people who cannot see squat in the direct sun without sunglasses so I made sure for our outdoor ceremony that we will be shaded by trees. At least if it is warm, no one will be left to bake in the sun! Since my reception is also being held outside I made sure if for some reason it ends up being 90 degrees in October (which is entirely possible for Indiana) that if anyone gets too hot, they can go inside the air conditioned home for comfort. This is just something to keep in mind. Also minding that no couple should be expected to accommodate everyone, but this is more of a common sense thing. If people get too hot (old or young), they will drink more - sometimes that more drinking means more alcohol is being consumed. It also might make people leave early if there is no reprieve from the heat. However, if an elderly person gets too hot and there is no relief, they will almost always just leave the event prematurely.

Balanced Healthy Life

Thinking of having a taco truck instead of a plated meal at your wedding? What about having catering brought in from your favorite Thai restaurant? What about having authentic jambalaya with tons of creole seasoning? While all these options would be AMAZING and I would be super exited if I was a wedding guest and had these food options, your guests might not be as thrilled. This is especially true for older guests.

I am not speaking for everyone obviously, but there are many older people in my family who would never in their lives eat anything like Pad Thai, Tandoori chicken, or anything that looked or sounded "foreign". There are also several older members of my family who cannot eat anything spicy because of stomach issues or medications they are taking. Again, like the issue I brought up with sun and heat, you must think not all 150 of your guests will be thrilled with whatever menu you choose. Just be mindful that everyone might not be able to eat the main course if you pick something spicy. The best way to avoid an issue of this sort is to offer more than one entree option, and make sure you have plenty of sides that people can eat if they are not keen on the main course. Generally speaking, if you want to do something unique and have exotic food you might want to have a simple pasta bar available as well for anyone who does not want or cannot eat your fun food choice. Pasta is generally a "neutral" food that almost everyone can eat.

Adult Medication

The last thing I want to touch base on are medications and attendants for elders. If you have a guest who is in hospice care or needs to have an attendant or nurse come with them, make sure you add them to your guest list! Obviously, they too will need to eat and be accommodated the whole day.

Forget about your cousin bringing an uninvited boyfriend as a "plus one". If you forget that Aunt Bernice needs her nurse with her, you will have to find somewhere to seat the nurse - without question or hesitation. This could also throw off your painstakingly arranged seating chart as well, which might be a HUGE problem if you are pinched for seating anyway. The same holds true for service animals. They too need a "seat" next to their owner at the table.

If you have someone at your wedding who is on a lot of medications (primarily painkillers) that will need to be taken throughout the day/evening, you might need to designate someone who is trusted to remind or dole out these medications if they do not have a nurse with them. More importantly, the security of medications is tantamount. If you think having security is a priority for your card box you might want to see if someone can guard medications as well. I have known people who had their cards not only stolen, but they were rifled through, opened, had the gift card removed, then resealed. Sadly, a lot of venue workers are very keen on this and are amazingly dishonest. If they are well versed on the "card tricks" they are also known to seek out elders as targets because so many carry medications in their purses.

I would not EVER consider my purse being "safe" at a coat check. Sorry, I know some attendants go through the bags and steal. I also know that it is not uncommon for pills and needles to go missing either. I always guard my purse with my life; I will even carry it to walk through a buffet line at a wedding. However, older people tend to be not as suspecting and will leave a bag unattended at a table. It only takes seconds for a waitress to open a bag and steal a bottle of pills or money while she is refilling a water. If you think this might be an issue at your venue, seriously consider hiring your own security. I am not by any means saying that elders cannot hold their own, because believe me they can! It is just extremely common for people to target elders for a multitude of reasons - they often carry medications, cash instead of cards, checks, and they might not notice if anything is missing right away, etc.

Do You Remember Wedding Details? No? Odds Are, Your Guests Will Not Either

Town & Country

Take just a moment to think back on all the weddings you have attended in the past 5 or so years. 

If you are like me, you have probably been to a quite a few in that time frame - I think I have been to 7 or 8 weddings since 2008. I know that almost all of my fiance's best buddies have gotten married, and several of my friends have as well. However, when I think back on all the weddings I have attended there is honestly surprisingly little I remember about any of them.

Did they have centerpieces? What were they? Did I even look at the brides bouquet? Cake? Where was it - I do not remember it? Did we get a favor? Suits or tuxedos? What did I eat for dinner? How many appetizers did I eat? How long did I wait between the ceremony and reception? I honestly do-not-know...

I guess if I had to pick one element of a wedding I tend to remember the most it would be the ceremonies. I do remember almost every - single - aspect of every wedding ceremony I have witnessed. Aside from that, thinking back on all the weddings I have attended it is as if they are all blurred into one big memory. I felt like a total fool the other day trying to think if we received a favor at one friend's weddings and if we did, what it was. I could not remember and neither did my fiance - and he was IN THE WEDDING. Programs? I am sure I was handed one at every wedding I have attended, but I could not tell you a single thing about them. Same with invitations. I thought this was just me - that maybe I was too preoccupied with other things to "take in" everything about a wedding. But as it turns out, this is extremely common.

DIY Wedding Decorations

Apparently, unless some minor element of the wedding strikes a chord with a guest, they will not remember the fine "details" that all of us brides worry over when it is all said and done. For example, someone will recall if the song for the first dance is one of their favorites, but will not have a clue later on if that is not the case. I am guilty of this myself. One wedding I attended had Eric Clapton playing during dinner and I recall that vividly - but I could not tell you anything that was played at any other wedding.

Flowers and bouquets - other than people knowing they were incorporated no one will likely recall if you used roses or peonies or daisies and hydrangeas. To add to this, no one apparently remembers centerpieces at all or things like custom signage, boutonnieres, or fancy escort cards. I took a poll on this and this is an extremely common phenomenon - not to remember any minor details. The sad fact is all those cute ideas us brides to be see on Pinterest and are "must haves" at our weddings will probably not be remembered by the guests after the wedding is over. Oh and chair covers, sashes, or Chiavari chairs - yea, no one and I mean no one will or does remember what they sat on at a wedding or if anything was tied on the chairs. On the flip side I am sure if you used hay bales as seating and guests got chaff stuck to their rears they would absolutely recall that down the line.

Of course there are other "detail" things that seem to be remembered too - when things go wrong or are "out there". In my poll, several previous wedding guests indicated they could not have told anyone the "colors" the wedded couple chose unless something was really off the wall or hideous/mismatched. Same held true for bridesmaids dresses. For the ceremony all eyes are on the bride - so much so that most guests could not tell you what the bridesmaids were wearing. One of my poll takers said the only reason she noticed the centerpieces was because they were leaking and her phone was damaged by water running over the table.

Belvedere

So what do guests honestly remember? 

They will remember, in order:

Food
Bar/Alcohol
Cake
Dancing/DJ/Band

Yes, this is all that anyone will take from your wedding. Now of course they will remember that the bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely - but aside from that, guests will probably not recollect any detail about the gown, what was said during the vows, if you did a unity ceremony or not, etc. I do recall one wedding I attended where I was made aware before the ceremony that the bride spent a great deal of money on her gown. However as she walked down the aisle, all I recall was how happy she looked. I could not tell anyone any detail about that gown or what made it any different than any other dress out there.

In my poll it was almost unanimous that the most important aspect of a wedding to the guest is the food followed closely second by the bar. To be blunt, people WILL remember if your food sucked. They will also keenly recall if they were hungry at any time during the reception. I could talk about this all day. I have left weddings absolutely starving before. Actually, I have left most weddings feeling really hungry. I have aversions to a lot of foods (I do not eat red meat and I will not eat anything drenched in butter or cheese due to a lactose issue I have) and that is probably why I leave a wedding hungry. But I do recall if there was something particularly unappetizing served, or if there was a super long wait between the ceremony and reception and the appetizers were inadequate or not served at all.

People also want there to be booze at the weddings they attend - but as it turns out they really do not remember what they drank as long as it was alcohol. Several of my responders said they had no idea if they were served Two-Buck Chuck or top shelf liquor; all they know was if there was alcohol or not. That signature drink you spent a month mulling over? No one will be able recall what it was, but they know they drank something at the wedding.     

Brides

Cake/dessert is something else people will recollect - but not for the reasons you think. Most people will not even look at your cake during the reception. Yes, sorry, but that $1K masterpiece will not be something your guests reminisce over years later. Depending on where you have your reception, some venues will actually keep the cake in their kitchen until about 5 minutes before it is cut by the newlyweds then promptly whisked back to the kitchen for serving. I have been to several weddings where the cake was kept up by the head table, and if I was seated near the back there was no opportunity for me to see it before it was cut.

According to my poll, people will recall if what they ate was good or not. That is it. Special flavors? Signature fillings? Fancy fondant, gum paste leaves, edible flowers? Nope, no one will know/be able to recall what it was after the fact other than if it was tasty or yucky. Guests likely will not even remember the cake cutting, if you smooshed cake into your new spouses face, or what kind of topper you had - just if it was good or bad in taste.

The overall party, ambiance, and atmosphere is another top memory for former wedding guests. I am not big on dancing or partying, and I never have been. However, I do know a bad DJ when I hear/see it and I have been to weddings where the DJ either made or broke the overall feel of the wedding. Most wedding guests like to get up and bust a move at the reception. If the DJ or band cannot get people on the floor and get people dancing it will put a HUGE damper on the reception. When people say they had a "great time" at a wedding that usually means they were having fun dancing late into the night.

The DJ or band also has considerable influence on the "flow" of the wedding as well. If your wedding flows well, people will be more relaxed and more apt to enjoy themselves. I was a guest at a huge Catholic wedding a few years ago and the couple's DJ kept people dancing for about 8 hours - non-stop. They had to kick us out of the reception venue at the end of the night - it was a great time! And it was not a "club atmosphere" at all. The DJ played all kinds of music from all eras so the grandparents were able to get up and waltz and the "youngsters" could do their booty shaking. I have also been to weddings where the DJ was really inexperienced or the band was too loud as well. This is absolutely something your guests will take from your wedding and recall years later.

Weddings Jamaica

The reason I brought up this notion that guests really do not "take away" minor details from a wedding is because I was milling over all the cutesy details I wanted to incorporate in my wedding, but I had doubts that anyone other than me would notice or recall later. Things like upgraded tablecloths, favors, a photo booth, dessert bar, special ceremony elements, aisle flowers, centerpieces, pouches for the silverware, and so on.

Based on the answers I received in my poll, I have decided that plain white tablecloths will be just fine - no one will remember if I upgraded them to green pin-tuck or not (the cost will ultimately dictate what I end up with). I will probably go ahead and make the boutonnieres and pouches for the silverware, but I know now no one will probably make a mental note of this. We are not doing a traditional cake, which worried me a bit at first - but that is okay because what we have chosen is delicious and that is all that matters. Favors? I can make cookies and put them in brown bags with a "Thank You" tag - yea, I am totally not spending hardly anything on favors. I also am contemplating using mix-matched vases I already have for the centerpieces - no one will likely pay any attention if they all match or not.

When guests do remember something from a wedding unfortunately it is because something was bad, went wrong, or it was really over the top unique. People WILL notice if you used upgraded table linens and had $100+ centerpieces IF - IF they find that the food is lackluster and they will wonder why you did not spend a little more on the food and a lot less on decor. Bottom line, guests WILL focus on expensive details if you cheaped out on the food. The same goes for alcohol. If a guest notices that you spent $5 a piece on a wedding favor and yet you opted not to serve wine, they will wonder why you did not skip the favors entirely and get 50 bottles of Trader Joe's wine for people to sip with their entree.

QC Weddings

Aside from people being well fed and having a blast at your wedding, really positive or unique details will be remembered fondly in most cases. Some of my poll takers indicated that photo booths are almost always a HUGE hit because that is not something that appears at every wedding, it gives guests something to do other than dance, AND it doubles as a favor. People also seemed to really like yard games. Again, it gives guests something fun to do, and if they are having fun they will recall it later. I for example have never been to a wedding that had yard games, but we are having them at my wedding. As a former wedding guest that does not really like to dance, I like giving people an option to partake in some friendly competition instead of resorting to sitting pretty at a table all night.

Now, it must be said that NOT ALL GUESTS will find your nuptials to be a blur. Some people rarely attend weddings. If this is the case, they will probably remember almost everything. I am in my late 20's and for a while it seemed like I was attending a wedding every summer and then one in the fall for 3 years in a row. These became the "blur" weddings for me. You must also think that if you as a bride and groom want the wedding to have a certain look for the sake of PICTURES then this is also important. I am not a particular fan of straight up bridal pictures. Yes, I absolutely want that quintessential bride and groom picture framed for my nightstand, but I know 5 years down the road I will not want wedding photos of me in my dress hanging all over the house. What I DO want are pictures taken from the wedding that I can incorporate elsewhere.

I think that a framed photograph of a beautifully set table looks amazing hanging in a kitchen or dining room, pictures of bouquets always look nice in a bathroom, close up photos of games can always be used in a future nursery or in a "man cave" for the basement. For me, to ultimately have these kinds of photos where I can say "yes, these were taken at my wedding" is what I want. This is why minor details are important in my eyes, but probably not anyone elses. Weddings in general are also commonly a blur for the wedded couple as well since so much is going on anyway. So, ultimately I will be doing some of those "cutesy Pinterest DIY" things to incorporate into my wedding "look" because that is something I can and want to do AND I do feel it will help play into the ambiance of the wedding. However, knowing that guests will not really pay much attention I will be scaling back on things like table linens, center pieces, favors, and other "extras" and instead focus more on finding a great caterer, beefing up the dessert and appetizer bar, and finding a great DJ to keep the party going.