Being a Bridesmaid or Maid of Honor - The Money Pit

The Offbeat Bride

So you have just been asked by one of your besites to be a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor. Now, what do you do? Where do you begin? And ultimately, how much is this going to set you back financially? The reality is being a Maid of Honor or a bridesmaid will seem like a never ending money pit to many unsuspecting ladies.

I have never had the pleasure of being a bridesmaid myself. I have been to many weddings, but the truth is I do not have a lot of close female friends. Because of this, I really had no idea what a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor was supposed to do, what she was supposed to pay for, arrange, etc. So, off to the internet I went. I HAD NO IDEA it was SO EXPENSIVE to be a bridesmaid! It is even more expensive to be a Maid of Honor. I was shocked actually given that a large number of bridesmaids are in their early 20s and probably cannot afford much. According to a survey on Blue Nile, each bridesmaid is expected to spend roughly $1500 on all the things she is supposed to buy or attend in preparation for the wedding...that is more than what we are going to spend on catering for 150 people...

So why is this total so high? I thought all they had to do was buy a dress and shoes and arrange a bachelorette party? Nope! That is not even the tip of the iceberg. In fact, I think that if being asked to be a bridesmaid was not initially met with excitement and the squealing of "YES!" a lot of women would decline. This is also why I think it is very common for spats and disagreements to erupt within the bridal party over seemingly small issues. Being a bridesmaid or a Maid of Honor is a lot of work and a lot of money.

Hostess with the Mostess

So what exactly are the bridesmaids paying for?

First off, you as a bridesmaid will probably send a card to the bride-to-be congratulating her on her engagement, maybe you will take the bride out to lunch. But wait, there is more! Typically hosted by the bride's mother, the 2B's might have an engagement party. Engagement parties can also be hosted by the newly engaged as a means of getting everyone together for an informal dinner or BBQ as a meet and greet and to chat it up about the wedding. Regardless, bridesmaids will be invited and etiquette will dictate that they bring a gift.

Why? I am not really sure exactly because engagement parties are not something people do where I live and I have never been to one. However, if a bride announces she is having an engagement party she might already have a registry started. As a guest and a bridesmaid you might want to pick up *something* to bring - or offer to make a dessert or bring a bottle of grocery wine. Engagement parties are typically the only thing a Maid of Honor is NOT supposed to take the reigns on in terms of pre-wedding parties and things for the bride. They along with the other bridesmaids are just supposed to attend.

Wed Savvy

As a bridesmaid you will also want to start scouring the bride's gift registry. The Maid of Honor and bridesmaids along with the mother of the bride and the groom often help with setting up registries as well. I would suggest you start shopping for the wedding gift as soon as possible so you do not get stuck with a big ticket item or weird/random odds and ends left on the list. I was a procrastinator at a few weddings I attended where I ended up buying random bathroom whatnot's because nothing else was available for what I could spend. As a bridesmaid, you DO NOT want to end up gifting the wimpiest thing on the registry. NOR are you expected to foot the bill for a $500 pot & pan set or a Dyson.

As a BM also might want to get with other bridesmaids and see if you want to all pitch in and get a "big gift". The Maid of Honor might suggest this as well and if that is the case, she will be in charge of pooling the money and ultimately buying the large gift. At any rate, the sooner you get on gift detail for the wedding the better. Additionally, the Maid of Honor is supposed to be the one to spread the word on where you are registered for gifts. Bridesmaids are supposed to know as well so they can give correct information if asked. Around here, it is common to get a card inside the invitation with registry information - apparently this is a HUGE NO-NO, so don't do it! Have your MoH or mom tell people what you want, or have it on your wedding website.

United With Love

About 4-5 months out from the wedding you will be tasked with going to look for a bridesmaid dress. This will likely be your biggest expense as a bridesmaid and generally the most problematic. While there is no real average for the cost of a dress since you can get one from a bridal shop, online, or at a department store, according to a forum on The Knot it seems most dresses purchased from bridal/prom shops ended up being about $150. When I got a few quotes for simple, modern styles, the ones I looked at were about $170. Bridesmaids are expected to buy their own dress and even if it is heinous, if it is what the bride wants, so it be. No matter what you end up buying as a bridesmaid, you probably will not ever wear it again after the wedding.

A respectful bride will ask her girls what they are comfortable spending, but keep in mind you are not just stopping at the dress. You might need to pay for alterations and accessories like sashes, bows, or hair decorations. The bride also might require you to buy certain matching shoes. So, suddenly your $150 dress might become a $350 outfit with all included accessories. Most brides will give day of jewelry to her bridal party in their gift at the rehearsal dinner, but if not you might be required to buy pearls or other matching bauble. You also might need to buy a new strapless bra or Spanx, so these are yet more expenses to tack onto the initial cost of the dress.

Bridal Shower Invitation Wording

Just as you are recuperating from dropping a heavy dime on a butt-ugly acetate gown, before you know it you will be ready to attend a bridal shower - and yes, bring another gift. This is even more of a financial burden for a Maid of Honor because traditionally, she is the one footing the bill for the majority of this event! A MoH will typically dictate if she wants a particular bridesmaid to buy a cake, or get appetizers for this to lessen the financial burden. Now, times have changed and now a days mothers of the bride and future mother in laws are also known to host showers - but Maids of Honor are really supposed to host a party as well. They can be as simple as a tea or luncheon at the Maid of Honor's home, or even at a small cafe. Or, they can be so large an involved that it requires the rental of a room or event space, complete with catering, cake, refreshments, and games with prizes.

Some bridal showers are also very formal, so you might need to buy a new sundress or something appropriate (most brides will wear a cute, white dress to the event herself). Remember when I said you should get on gift detail early? Well depending on how much stuff the bride has on her registry, bank on her getting half of it at her shower. I was not aware of this until I started researching registries and what to put on them. If you ever noticed, usually after the first bridal shower the bride will suddenly add a bunch of random and higher priced items to her registry. Well, that is because the whole line of kitchen goods she added to her Target registry will be decimated  for her shower.

If you are the host/Maid of Honor, it is YOUR JOB to make sure EVERYTHING is taken care of at the bridal shower! You will need to send out invitations, create to-do lists, get with the bride to update her registry, order cakes and food, schedule the procession of events (A sit down meal? Opening of gifts? Will the groom show up later? Serving alcohol and mixing drinks? Playing games?), write down the names of who gave what gift, and so on. It is common to get with the mother of the bride for help with this as well.

Mink Cards

The next item on the event and expense list is the bachelorette party! This is usually the most fun event the bride and her girls will participate in...but unlike a shower each bridesmaid is not only supposed to pay their own way, but pay for the bride as well. Not all bachelorette parties involve booking flights to Vegas and staying in five-star hotel rooms but that does not mean they are "cheap events". Again, the Maid of Honor is almost always the person in charge of planning and booking everything. She will send out invitations, get the bride's measurements for lingerie, create a party theme, buy favors, arrange for certain outfits or custom shirts to be worn, make travel arrangements such as a taxi or limo service, etc.

Not all brides are into the club scene however and may prefer something more modest like high tea or a luncheon followed by a spa day or staying at a resort or cabin together. No matter what the Maid of Honor decides, she is going to be the one saddled with almost the entire expense with the bridesmaids each chipping in to pay for the bride. In the event of a shared hotel room or limo, each bridesmaid is also expected to pony up - the same holds true for meals. The Maid of Honor will typically dictate to each bridesmaid what they are expected to pay for or do for the bachelorette party. If you are staying the night together somewhere, unless you are totally plastered from drinking and dancing, usually this is time for games and late night eats followed by brunch and mimosas the following morning.

Wedding Salon

So it is the night before the big day and you FINALLY have something to attend that is wedding related where you do not have to do anything - the rehearsal dinner! But wait, you might have to do something after all... Typically, the grooms family pays for the whole dinner. As a bridesmaid you are just supposed to show up and eat while the bride sobbingly tells a story about each of her maids and how wonderful they are as friends and how supportive they have been. But before you get to the restaurant you might have to buy an appropriate dress. Some rehearsal dinners are held at casual restaurants where skinny jeans and a blouse will suffice - but some are held at swanky lounges where a cocktail dress is a must. You also might not be able to recycle your look from the bridal shower because a sundress might not be appropriate for an evening affair.

Like me and most women, we have a little black dress in our closets for such an event and this will not be an issue. So, unless you are the Maid of Honor - who will probably want to prepare a small speech - you just have to be there and be gracious for the gifts you will be receiving from the bride. This is also where you will wish you were a groomsman this whole time because all they had to do was try on a rented tux and throw a stag party where they drank heavily and made bodily function jokes all night...

Dynamite Weddings

So it is the big day! It is finally here! And yet, you are forced to open your wallet yet again! The morning of the wedding you will probably be up at the crack of dawn preparing to go to the salon. Some brides will suggest you get a mani-pedi, and possibly get your makeup professionally applied - others will not care at all and it is up to the girl if they want this or not. What all the bridesmaids will be required to do in almost all instances is get their hair done. Unless you are going to a beauty school for this, having specialty "day of event hair" can cost roughly $35-$90 a person. Some salons offer packages where the cost is lower based on the number of girls, but at any rate it can be really expensive. This is something each bridesmaid will be required to pay for unless it is gifted to them by the bride.

Since wedding day beautification can take a few hours, it is usually up to the Maid of Honor to arrange (and pay for) brunch that will be delivered to the ceremony site and be ready for everyone when they arrive from the salon. She can get with the mother of the bride or mother of the groom to help with this as well. This can be as simple as a tray of fruit and cheese or more elaborate with smoothies and fresh croissants. It is important that there be something for the girls to eat since there might not be any sustenance until dinner.

My Riviera Wedding

If you are a bridesmaid, all you have to do now is put on your dress, and walk down the aisle to await the bride! If you are a Maid of Honor, you will have duties all night long. I might get into that in another post because the day of duties of a Maid of Honor rival those of some small military operations, but at least now the spending spree is over! It is finally time to relax, party it up, and have a good time with the bride and groom! Aside from answering questions posted by guests, your job as a bridesmaid is not much more than that of a guest. You should be around to make sure the bride does not need anything - such as four maids to help her pee or finding someone to refill her drink. Aside from that, you are free to dance and eat and have a good time. If anything, bridesmaids should be around to make sure they can help out the Maid of Honor since she will be doing most of the work the day of the wedding.

Keep in mind that along the line these are NOT YOUR ONLY EXPENSES as a bridesmaid!!! You will need to consider the cost of travel. This might be as simple as driving across town to meet up for a lunch or a party, but others might require you to drive for several hours or even fly to certain events. This is more common today than years ago because so many people move out of town or state after they graduate - which is also when most people start to get married. If you are in a situation where you will be driving for hours or flying, you will have to arrange and pay for hotel rooms, on the road meals, rental cars, taxis, etc. If you are buying gifts locally, you might have to ship them to the bride if you cannot take them yourself. You might need to take time off work to make appointments or hire baby or pet sitters for long weekends. You also MIGHT BE MARRIED YOURSELF and will be taking your husband with you if you have to travel.

Once Wed

Another thing you might get roped into paying for and helping with are DIY projects. You might be tasked with picking up an industrial jug of Mod Podge or helping design invitations on Photoshop. If you are DIY savvy, you might be asked to make 15 boutonnieres by yourself (and pay for the crafts) as a favor to the bride.

Ultimately, the final thing to consider is the bride herself and how you think she will treat you. Some brides can be like the ones on TV; yes those are the ones I am talking about. They think their bridesmaids are slaves and expect them to not only wait on them hand and foot, but also pay for outrageous gifts and lavish parties. You also might want to be aware of who else will be in the bridal party to anticipate issues which might result in you declining to accept the duties of a bridesmaid or MoH. If not, you might end up paying for a flaky maid to attend a dinner or footing a bill for the bachelorette party that was supposed to be split 6 ways but is now being split for 4.

In a perfect world, all the bridesmaids and the bride would all be on the same page and in a similar financial situations. This however hardly ever happens and you should not accept the duties if you really do not think you can handle it emotionally or financially. Numerous friendships have been ruined over fights that occurred regarding duties of bridesmaids. You can go on any Wedding Wire or The Knot forums and see "rants" where a maid had a blow up with the bride and suddenly a 20 year friendship is down the tubes. Truth be told, NOTHING REGARDING A WEDDING IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO RUIN FRIENDSHIPS OVER. If you are a bridesmaid and you are in over your head, be honest with the bride and bow out. If she is a good friend, she will not raise a stink over it and understand. Likewise, a bride should never put a cash-strapped bridesmaid in a position where she will need to spend an arm and a leg on a dress and then be expected to spend hundreds on flights to and from various vacations and parties. Being in a wedding party can quickly become a money pit, and it is important for brides and bridesmaids to understand this and take it into account before they dole out or accept responsibilities without fully understanding what they are getting into financially.

*Just a note. No one in a wedding party is required or forced to do anything just because it is what the bride wants. Just like things should never be expected or assumed especially when it comes to money and who pays for what. These are just typical examples of what a fully involved bridal party can expect to arrange, pay for, or attend.  

The Burlap Bride - Websites have RUINED Everything Unique about Weddings

Vintage Bliss Wedding

"Your wedding is going to look like a ridiculous yard sale!" My mother said this to me when I squealed with delight the day I found an old, beat up Pepsi cooler that I wanted to purchase to use as an ice chest for drinks at my wedding. It was banged up and really gross, but I was convinced I could turn it into a "cool element" at my wedding. My mom just looked at me like I was nuts and rolled her eyes as if I had lost my mind.

At the time, we were planning a simple back yard wedding without frills. The ice chest I found would have been an alternative to the run of the mill galvanized aluminum buckets you see on ALL the Pinterest pins. I guess I wanted something different that was not cliche, would be durable, and work for an outside wedding. While the internet is great for inspiration, I really do think it has ruined everything unique about weddings. It seems as though every time someone mentions a "theme wedding" all you hear are moans and groans about "how overdone it is" or that everyone has seen it before. And well, that is because we have - on Pinterest.

The more I thought about it the more I began re-thinking my "theme". Originally I wanted to do the lace/burlap/mason jar thing. I wanted my wedding to be more or less a slightly upper scale backyard barbeque. This is what I felt would be the most comfortable for my guests - because really most people hate having to get dressed up to go to a fancy wedding and are thrilled when you say it will be "casual" and jean friendly. So, off to Pinterest I went. Within no time I had amassed a board of 300+ pins featuring barns, mason jars, and whiskey barrel tables. When we initially thought we were going to have our wedding this year, we even visited a barn venue that ended up being a let down. I guess I wanted something different than a country club or a fancy place where people would feel uncomfortable. But was a barn really appropriate for us? Well, no, not really.

A Marriage of Passion and Style

My fiance was raised on a farm...but I do not think I have ever set foot in a barn other than to rummage for junk at an auction. At least a barn provides a shelter for tables in most cases - but they are really small and not very elegant when you actually look at them. But oh, the pictures! You know? The ones taken in October in the Midwest with the cafe lighted barn, and guests making toasts with mason jars, and the bride is in a lace mermaid gown, and there is a tire swing somewhere? For some reason, that was the vision of what I wanted at my wedding. I guess it was my way of having the elegance of lace with the rustic utilitarian aspect of burlap to create something "neutral"...but that is really not me. I am vintage quirky and will take a rainbow of colors over something neutral any day. My fiance and I are also the rugged outdoorsy type - as in we love to hike and experience nature. Something that we both are definitely NOT are "county people" - we do not ride horses, hunt, or go to the rodeo. On the other hand a barn venue would have provided an outdoor element - which is really more of what I was wanting the barn for. I guess I did not want to be "obvious" with my wedding theme or have people "just know" what I was going to do in terms of a theme before we even sent out invitations. At the same time, I did not want people to think we were having a hoe-down if we announced the reception would be taking place in a barn...

Polka Dot Bride

I must admit I was a bit irked in the beginning when I started telling friends and family members about my engagement and they automatically assumed I would be doing a "vintage theme" since I am a vintage dealer. For one, I really do not know what a "vintage theme" is. I certainly know what vintage items are because I sell them for a living - but did they think I would be going full blown 1890's Victorian, 1920's deco flapper, 1950's rockabilly, 1960's hippie? I do in fact love various elements of all these eras. But kind of like the decor in my house - "eclectic" is the term I prefer - choosing just one would be very hard for me. Furthermore, if you as a bride pick something very specific like 1920's speakeasy, you are extremely limited on various design elements you can use, otherwise it will look out of place. This can get quite costly very quickly because it would look odd if you were wearing a Mori Lee beaded sheath dress and your bridesmaids are in modern cocktail dresses. So, they would also have to get beaded gowns or something with feathers and fringe.

I personally take particular issue to some of these "extreme theme" weddings because they tend to look like costume parties or Halloween (think Great Gastby or Lord of the Rings). Additionally, for whatever reason the term "vintage theme" initially gets thrown into the same lot as rustic and shabby chic and if not, it leaves guests thinking they have to "dress a certain part" when they attend. I certainly did not want to declare we are having a "vintage theme" (era specific or not) and suddenly get a flood of calls from people asking if they have to wear zoot suits and fedoras or pearls and furs. Again, this was another reason why I thought the lace & burlap thing would work better...At the same time, this is yet another major drawback of utilizing a theme in your wedding.

Estate Weddings and Events

After the bummer at the barn venue and some other setbacks, we decided to push the wedding to next year. Honestly, I was feeling way overwhelmed with the whole planning process. However, before we made this decision I did find my wedding dress. It was nothing like I originally thought I wanted. I did have an ivory lace mermaid dress is mind and I tried one on, but I really could not justify spending $1000 on a dress. So, instead I kept with my frugal ways and found a really different, pre-owned, satin dress with TONS of STUFF. I love "stuff" and the dress I found has it all. It is two different colors, it has off the shoulder sleeves, it has rosettes, it has lace, it has appliques, it has pearls, it has rhinestones, it has EVERYTHING - in other words, it is totally me! It was at this time that I decided I needed to make my "theme" what I wanted and what "fit" us, and not based exclusively on something I saw online. I also decided that I no longer wanted to stick to something super specific so I could have the freedom to add elements without them looking out of place.

Wedding Bee

I was just curious as to what other brides-to-be actually thought of wedding trends and themes to see what they were personally sick of seeing or hearing about others doing, so I asked on Wedding Wire. The number one thing they said they were sick of was the rustic/mason jar trend - the "burlap bride". Brides seemingly are now totally disgusted by hay-bale seating, manure caked cowboy boots with a $2500 lace gown, chalk boards, wash tubs for drinks, hydrangeas and baby's breath, cutesie signs, and the aforementioned mason jars and burlap. They are also so over "random furniture" sitting out in fields with non-wedding related stuff on them or "shabby chic" because it looks like a flea market and not a wedding.

After I thought about it, it really does not make any sense to have a "display" of junk out on a table for your guest book. Why will a simple desk and a chair with a flower arrangement not suffice? Why is it necessary to stack classic novels 5 high with a dusty, old typewriter on top with a cutesie note that says to write something for the couple and have a top hat hanging on the chair-back? Well the latter is because someone saw it in an editorial photo shoot, it ended up on Pinterest, and brides thought it was "so cute" they had to have it for themselves. Guests however are likely going to say one of two things when they see this -"I don't get it" or "OMG I saw that on Pinterest, too!" In other words, no one will think you are clever, they will just sigh because they have seen it before and it makes no sense for the couple to have that particular element in their wedding.

Perfect Pear Bridal

The brides I asked on Wedding Wire were also so sick of looking at other specific "trendy" elements as well. Some of these were: Peacock/Mardi Gras, Damask when it does not fit the venue, nautical or beach themes in places like Oklahoma, candy bars, mustaches, chevron, putting signs on ring bearers and flower girls as if no one knows their role in the wedding already, weird food trucks when there is a plated meal, and signature drinks. Brides are even "over" older traditions like bouquet/garter toss and head tables. This however probably has more to do with the fact that the average bride and groom are nearly 30 when they wed and will either have no single friends and/or will have married friends who do not want to be packed into a head table in attendance.

Another reason why I think cliched themes are getting out of hand is commercial availability. Hobby Lobby for example has specific sections in the wedding aisles for burlap/rustic, peacock/masquerade, glam/deco, and so on. We also noticed that most of the local barn venues are offering in-house rentals of mason jars, mismatched plates, doilies, ecru linen tablecloths, etc. While this might be a dream come true for some brides, others might feel compelled to give in and use what is available for ease even if it was not what they had in mind. I mean if you think about it, I bet there are a lot of brides like me who wanted a barn venue for the unique space and outdoor possibilities and not necessarily because they wanted a "rustic" themed wedding. On a side note, I also wanted a barn because they are much more private than a park. It is very difficult to find a private venue that is not a barn actually.

It did seem that the rejection of of cliched/tired/used themes came about more recently according to a vendor I spoke with at a bridal show. I was also told that more brides are going modern and/or glam - with one or two colors and minimal decorations. In other words, brides are going back to simply choosing an accent color and NOT having a designated theme. One vendor attributed this to the fact that when some brides go with a "Pinterest-y" theme, the theme is literally represented EVERYWHERE. Nothing is seemingly subtle anymore, and this began to bother numerous brides. An example of "over theme-ing" would be if you used chevron as your main design element - and you proceeded to use a chevron aisle runner, straws, table cloths, favors, silverware wraps, cake, place mats, ribbon, etc. A color bomb is another - you do not need your bridesmaids to be in pink gowns, have the groomsmen wear pink vests, while you all hold/are wearing pink flowers, and your tables have pink centerpieces, pink overlays, pink napkins...you get the idea.

The Manor Restaurant

After being disappointed with some of the venues we looked at, I began leaning towards having the wedding in a park. This was initially what I wanted, but there are so many drawbacks to most parks that I did not think it would be feasible. Parks, nature, and hiking best represent who me and my fiance are as a couple - and it would get us out of using a specific theme. However I did understand that if we could not find a suitable park venue, we would have to tweak our design elements to whatever venue we came up with. I must admit it does bother me when I see weddings held in fancy, historic homes and the "theme" is carnival fun house or Star Wars. Luckily we found the most perfect venue I could have ever hoped to find (I am waiting until spring so I can take a zillion pictures and do a massive write up about it, that is how much I love the venue). The venue I found has a historic home, a covered patio, a garden, hiking, and more. So, given our good fortune of finding this epic venue we are doing an outdoorsy non-theme theme. If that makes sense.

Woodsy Weddings

Basically, we will be using elements of nature in our tables and decor. Most of this is going to be free or very low cost. I still have to buy linens - which will probably be green or ivory, but other than things like vases and flowers, the decor will be provided by nature. This will give us as a couple the flexibility to add other elements that would not really fit other themey-themes if we wish without it looking out of place. For example, I can add some vintage elements without it coming across as "shabby chic or rustic", my fiance and groomsmen can be casual or super formal without it looking out of place (you hardly ever see photos of a groom in a black tux at a rustic wedding), and we do not have to make the whole wedding totally formal or completely casual either. I do not want to go so far as saying we will have a "woodland" theme because I think a lot of people think of fairies and elves in a shire when they hear that term. 

Now that we (well me, I have spearheaded this whole "design element" of the wedding) have simplified things, I have found that we will be saving money by not having to buy mason jars, burlap for runners (no runners at all now), lanterns, "treat bar" items (we will give goodie bags as favors instead), non-edible favors, theme specific invitations, and so on. I still think I might make my own silverware pouches and/or sashes for the chairs since the dining chairs will be used outside at the ceremony. But, if I do this I will know I can immediately re-sell them after the wedding probably at a profit. Maybe for modern brides, having a no-theme theme is the way to go. I am still a little sad I did not buy that vintage Pepsi cooler for my drink tub though...

Bridal Show Tricks & Scams Plus the Good Stuff - My Personal Experience

Jacques Catering

Ever since I got engaged I have been online and on Facebook looking up bridal shows. My mother and I have already been to several both big and small and they really are a lot of fun. Bridal shows and expos are commonly held in the winter months during the slow wedding season to entice brides with goods and services they might need for their big day. They also bring people in to taste free samples of cake and catering, look at gowns and invitations, and OF COURSE register to win for prizes! Some of the prizes they give away are AMAZING! The big sponsored bridal shows often give away $2,000 worth of wedding rings, $4,000 honeymoons, $2500 for photography, etc. 

HOWEVER, there are a TON of scams and schemes associated with some of these contests and things you sign up for. Most of these scams come from the big, nationally known companies and no so much with local mom and pop shops - but it is beyond annoying when it happens. Below I have listed some issues I have experienced with filling out forms for prizes, making appointments, and going to "extras" - as well as some good experiences at the end! If you want to skip to the actual "good stuff" scroll down; my best experiences were with Jamberry Nail Art and Macy's Sip & Scan Registry Event.

Apple Brides

David's Bridal

Oh, dearest David's Bridal - The biggest/most well known national bridal shop. They have incensed me and I have not even set foot into the store yet! Okay, for one, David's Bridal called my house probably a month after I became engaged. I had not really been looking for dresses on any site other than Pinterest so I was not sure how they got my number. Who knows, I probably filled out something fleetingly while being engrossed in Bride Day on TLC. At any rate, they called and wanted me to set up an appointment. I already found my gown, so I said I was not interested in looking for a dress yet and that was that...

Until I actually made an appointment with them...

I attended the Hendrick's County Bridal Show and David's Bridal had a booth. I spoke to the attendant about bridesmaids dresses because that is something I need to get on NOW since my girls will need to get their dresses on their own, and I will probably not see them before the wedding. The attendant also gave me a coupon to use when I come in just in case I find a reception dress for myself or something my mother could wear. I thought this was great and it would give me an opportunity to look at different styles and compare prices. The day after the bridal show, DB sent me an e-mail confirming the appointment and everything and I thought that was that. Until the phone calls started....

On the Monday following the bridal show I started getting phone calls from a 1-800 number regarding my fiance and I winning a bridal meal package from Dinner 4 Two. Since the call back number was a 1-800, I just knew it was a scam. When I put the number into a Google search, it came back with a TON of complaints. Apparently, in Indiana at least, every time you sign up for ANYTHING WITH DAVID'S BRIDAL - you register online for coupons, you make an appointment in person or online or at a bridal show, you buy something from them, you enter a contest, etc. THEY SELL YOUR INFORMATION. In Indiana, they sell it to Midwest Lifestyle/Dinner 4 Two - it is one of those things where you sit through a demonstration and they try to get you to buy stuff. I looked this up on MULTIPLE sites and I am 100% positive there is a direct correlation between David's Bridal and this phone scam. 

They called the house CONSTANTLY and my mother finally called them back and told them to stop calling or they would be reported. I do not think they have called back since. It is not technically a scam, but it can lure young, unsuspecting brides into buying a bunch of junk thinking they will win something great at the end. On one of the online complaint sites, a young woman was "conned" into buying $500 worth of pots and pans thinking she would win a luxury cruise honeymoon only to find later she would need to attend more "demonstrations" to eventually get anything. This is the same kind of deal you run into with those timeshare demonstrations - they do give you prizes but the "big gift" always comes with a catch. For example, with the Dinner 4 Two, I read a review where a bride did go - she did receive free cookware, but to "win the honeymoon" she would have had to pay the taxes on it, get her own airfare, and go on a specific date. This specific "scam" irked me the most because they would not stop calling the house.

Mary Kay

Mary Kay Cosmetics

My next grumble is with Mary Kay Cosmetics. Mary Kay has had a booth at every single bridal show I have attended so far. I always stop to pick up whatever one-use sample they are handing out because that sample is usually eyeshadow and I LOVE eyeshadow - but I do not buy or use Mary Kay as part of my normal makeup routine. I have also provided my info to win free products but I had never received a call back. However, since I was one of the first people through the door to attend the the Indy Wedding Ideas sponsored bridal show this winter, I won a "secret prize" and that prize was with Mary Kay. I thought I might win a hand lotion or something like that, but I won a WHOPPING $75 gift certificate! I was pretty excited because I knew I could get a lot of eyeshadow for that or a really nice lotion. 

I spoke to both attendants and we looked at some product they had but I did not use my certificate then. I got their cards and figured I would e-mail them later if I wanted to order something. Well, the following weekend we spoke to another MK consultant who had these fliers for National Make Over Day. Apparently, Mary Kay does this every year and it was described to us as a day where thousands of women come and get make-overs for free.

Mary Kay

Well, the gift card I received had a specific consultants name on it - so I knew right then I would have to use the card through her. So, I sent her an e-mail and asked if she would be at the Makeover Day. Surprisingly, she said she would be there and it would be a "big, fun packed event", so I made an appointment. I figured I could at least redeem my gift card. Well, when we walked in - we were the only people in the room - well let me correct myself - we were the only people without a Mary Kay agenda in the room. They had all these trays with pea-sized dollops of various product and we were told to pick out a "makeover bag" that had sample sizes of products and a chart to follow for application.

The Pros:   I did like being able to try out different products like lotions and foundations.
                       It was sort of nice being the only people there, but it was a bit akward.
                       I did buy a lotion with my gift card and my mother got mascara and eyeshadow.
                       Our consultants were very nice and accommodating - they were not pushy with buying a product if we did not want it.

The Cons:  We were instructed to use exfoliant - which required us to SHARE A SINK in an adjacent hotel room - VERY awkward.
                      Our "make over" was self applied - we were provided with brushes and had to do it ourselves. This is not really my idea of a make-over.
                      It was awkward to be told there would be many females there and us be the only ones who came - there was a third consultant there that bought her sister and friend. But when we walked in we thought we were walking into a "buying scam" where you are harassed to buy product.

Overall, the "makeover experience" was fine, but not something I would have done if I had not won the gift card. THE BIGGEST PEEVE I had with all this was the "extra event" they wanted us to participate in the following Monday. When we first came in, they took before and then after pictures of "our makeovers". At the end of the event, they had us fill out a card on how well we thought it went, we were given a red raffle ticket, and asked to circle a product on this chart they gave us. This was not explained, and I did not know what this was for. I of course did not ask because I THOUGHT it was going to be a prize we could win based on the raffle ticket we were given. Instead, they took the charts back and the ticket and invited us to a second event where they promised prizes and a chance to win a $50 gift card. They also said this was what the before/after pictures were for. They said "all the photos from all the makeovers" would be there and we could vote on them and it would be a "big fun event for all the ladies who participated". I thought it would be another deal like the makeover day. BOY was I ever WRONG!

Card I received to invite us to the "Second Event"

On the Sunday before, I received several e-mails AND TEXT MESSAGES from the consultant we met with on Makeover Day to make sure we were coming. I said we were and I thought this would be a thing where we could walk in, vote on the photos, mill around, then leave. Nope! The thing started at 6:30 and we pulled into the venue at 6:45. Between 6:30-6:40 the consultant texted me wanting to know where we were...We walk in and it is a Mary Kay SALES PITCH - I should have known it was coming. We had to sit down to avoid being rude while they gave medals to sales consultants for like 20 minutes. We were then whisked into a room where the "regional manager" asked the small handful of guests if we wanted to become Mary Kay sellers too. This was why my consultant was so eager to get us to come - the more people Mary Kay hounds into becoming a consultant under them, the more likely they are to get a company car for free. Oh and the photos we were to vote on - there were only like 10 of them in the back of the room and the "voting" would not commence until after the guests listened to all the speeches.

This whole spiel was designed to keep us there from 6:30-8:30. My fiance was working late and I needed to get back to make him some dinner and my mother had to cancel an appointment to attend this with me. Had we known this was what it truly was, we would have NEVER gone. When I got home I looked this up online, and like the mess with David's Bridal selling information, it is apparently well known that these Mary Kay people do this kind of thing all the time. Some consultants it seems are WAY better than others, but if you get stuck with a dud of a consultant, you will have a bad time. I read on a forum about how one consultant basically held a group of bridesmaids hostage until someone bought something because the consultant rented a conference room on her own dime and "expected a rate of return". Another thing I noticed in the complaint forums is that many brides had the misconception that MARY KAY SELLERS ARE MAKEUP ARTISTS. They ARE NOT makeup artists! At the end of the night I sent an e-mail to the consultant explaining why we had to cut out early and she apologized for not explaining that it was a 100% sales pitch. I have not heard from her since, but she was a very nice person and I do understand that most Mary Kay sellers are stay-at-home moms who use the business to be able to work from home. Some of their products are very nice quality - however I would just order online if you wish to buy because the mark up IS FIFTY PERCENT if you buy from a consultant directly!

Stella & Dot

Stella & Dot

I knew about Stella & Dot long before I started attending bridal shows. I actually own some S&D jewelry that I have purchased second hand from garage sales. The problem with S&D is that like Mary Kay, it is a sales pitch where they try and get you to host "house parties" to basically coerce your friends and family into purchasing pretty, albeit expensive costume jewelry. Their jewelry is cute I will give them that, but just order it online. DO NOT get involved with a consultant at a bridal show unless you really want to do these parties because the E-MAILS WILL NOT STOP. I swear, I was getting 2-3 e-mails a week about selling and specials until I put them on the spam list. 

Photography Cameras

Various Photographers

Some photographers you meet once at a bridal show, you take their card, and never hear from them again. Others, you fill out a contest or something and they send you a courtesy "remember me?" e-mail, then that is it. Then there are others that use the contest you filled out for to bombard you with adverts, "coupons", or notices that you "won something." The first one of these I got I was so excited because I actually thought I won something. I got an e-mail saying I won a free engagement session. This was something I wanted but we did not budget for nor think was totally necessary. Engagement sessions are very expensive if you get them ala carte from a different photographer than who you will be using for your wedding - between $250-$500 usually. Most of the contests you sign up for with photographers at bridal expos are for "free" engagement sessions or boudoir photos. Well, the engagement session I won was just for the sitting - we would have to fork over $300 for the digital release and this did not include prints. Come to find out, this is how almost all of these photographer contests work - you really get nothing unless you book them for your wedding. I also had to fish for this information through several e-mails, and once they spilled the beans on how this all really worked, I never heard from them again. Since then I have "won", free Save the Date's with the purchase of a sitting (the time you still have to pay BY THE HOUR was in the fine print), "print credits" for boudoir shoots (but you have to pay for the glam up session and the sitting), a "deep discount" on either an engagement or boudoir session (the SAME discount was available in Groupon). You get the idea...

Jamberry Nails

Jamberry Nails

Okay, I must admit, this was fun! Jamberry Nails is just another one of those companies that sells "finger nail stickers". Yes, this is all they are. You can get them at Target, Walgreen's, CVS under various name brands, you can get them from artists on Etsy, or you can get them from specific companies like Jamberry. Again, like with Stella & Dot, if you want it, order it online and do not get wrapped up into a sales pitch about hosting a party unless you really want to. At the Hendricks County Bridal Show there were several young girls at a Jamberry booth that were really fun and they helped put a sticker on my nail. If you do these yourself, you will need help because it is somewhat of a process. But, they are really different and cute! I will probably get some of these from somewhere to include with my bridesmaids gifts since you can get them customized! Furthermore, these run between $8-$15 a set depending on where you order them from and one kit will do fingernails and your toes too! Luckily, I was not bombarded with any e-mails or phone calls from this company - but if you are it will be because they want you to host a house party. The fact that the vendor attendants were so helpful in explaining the product to me was what made me more interested in their product overall.

Wedding Bee

Macy's Sip & Scan

After the disappointing session with Mary Kay I was actually dreading the Macy's Sip & Scan event I signed up for in January. I thought to myself, oh no, this will be another sales pitch, or a thing to get me to sign up for a Macy's credit card, or something ridiculous. I signed up for this event at the first bridal show I ever attended and I had forgotten about it until I received a confirmation e-mail. The reason I signed up for it was because I was clueless about wedding registries and Macy's was not a store I would have ever considered signing up for since I only shop there at Christmas. My fiance was working late so I took my mom with me. I must admit, this was a TOTAL BLAST! It was simple too! You go in, they give you a scanner and a check list sheet, and tell you to have at it! They had a caterer passing out hors d'oeuvres and drinks, a DJ for the whole second floor, and they had like 10 consultants there to help you. They were ALL very knowledgeable and helpful and there were about 8 couples there to boot. It was so unexpected!

I scanned a TON of stuff I never thought I would need - but that in fact I would need. Like a hand mixer, an iron, a set of skillets, plates for Thankgiving, a new comforter, etc. They THEN tell you to have guests who will ultimately buying you a gift to wait until they get coupons in the mail/paper because they can stack coupons with the discount they already get for scanning the registry. Basically, your guests will be able to get you more for less money since there are discounts you can "stack" with the registry. They also gave me a TON of coupons I can use now, a $25 Restaurant.com gift card, a booklet with all this other information. It was really helpful! AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BUY ANYTHING. There is NO CATCH! I was actually so impressed that I plan on returning to the store probably several times to look at more items to add. Since my wedding is so far out, one of the attendants told me I can add clothing to my registry, then scan my own registry at the store, and get an extra percentage off on MY OWN PURCHASES. My mom can do this too. I was like WOW, and proceeded to scan 3 boxes of Kuerig cups so when the coupons come out in the mail, I can get more of a discount! There are actually so many perks to having a Macy's registry you, as a bride, would be foolish not to check it out. YOU CAN EVEN SCAN FURNITURE AND RUGS! You can scan lingerie for your bachelorette party, kitchen basics for your housewarming party, toasting glasses and serving items for your engagement party, pilsner and shot glasses for groomsmen gifts, etc. And the registry is good for quite some time after your wedding as well so you can purchase whatever extras you might need. It was so cool, I was really happy I attended. But again, this is something I would have never known about if it had not been at a bridal show.

The Verdict:

If you receive an offer at a bridal show GOOGLE IT! Odds are, if it is scammy in any way whatsoever, there will be a zillion posts about it somewhere. You can find complaints on most bridal sites as well or other blogs with posts dedicated to specific "scams". BUT, not everything is a scam or con! Like I initially stated, most contests sponsored by local "mom & pop" shops are legitimate and do not come with any sort of catch. Bakers are a great example. If you win a $100 cake - you win a $100 cake. A local bridal shop recently gave away a $600 gown - which could have been a wedding dress, mother of the bride dress, etc. as long as it was under $600 in store. A local restaurant gave away a rehearsal dinner for up to 20 people. Most of the contests you register for are legitimate, just be aware that some come with "catches" or might end up being total scams.