Grandparents & Elders At The Wedding - Things To Consider

Offbeat Bride

This is one of my favorite wedding related photographs from the internet. This couple decided they should have their grandmothers walk the aisle as "flower ladies" instead of using young children. I mean talk about a great way to make grandmothers be part of the wedding! However, I know that mine and my fiance's grandmothers are not even remotely this spry at their advanced ages. In fact, all four of our grandmothers need walkers or scooters and cannot walk on grass unassisted at all. Some other elderly family members have issues with heat/cold, need to have a bathroom available at all times, have food/medication issues, and so on.

Unfortunately, with so many couples marrying later in life, there are a lot of very elderly grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and even parents in some cases attending weddings with varying degrees of mobility or other health issues. When my fiance and I wed, his grandmothers will be 90 years old, mine will be 85 and 75. Both of our families have aunts and uncles who will be in their 70's. Some walk and can handle uneven terrain just fine, some have assistance with a cane, but others cannot walk on their own at all. This can become a HUGE issue at your wedding if you do not prepare for the "what ifs".

Wheelchair Assistance

If you are getting married in a church, you probably will not have to worry about wheelchair ramps. Since churches are public places, they must be ADA compliant. Even historic churches will have ramps retrofitted over stairs in some instances to make sure those with disabilities or families with strollers and carts can safely enter. That being said, sometimes the travel from the parking lot to the church can be an issue. Some people have a very hard time walking on gravel driveways or parking lots (many country churches do not have paved driveways). If your grandmother uses a push walker, these are virtually unusable on gravel and the tripping hazard is very high.

If you think about it, it is almost impossible to push an empty shopping cart on gravel, let alone a walker with only two wheels. Make sure if this is the case that there is a drive up area where elders can be dropped off so they can get inside safely. Typically, a church only has one area for a drop off - which is also typically where a "getaway car" or a horse drawn carriage will be parked for the bride and groom. Be sure you discuss this with the rector of the church or whomever is in charge so there is not an issue.

Stacy Able

Mobility can become a much bigger issue depending on where you hold your reception. I know my fiance and I contacted probably 20 venues in our search for "the one". Probably half had to be put on the "no list" because they could not accommodate wheelchairs or walkers. Public spaces like country clubs for example will also have wheelchair ramps and accessible bathrooms, but almost zero unconventional venues will be able to accommodate.

Almost all barn venues for example are privately owned so they will likely not have ramps, nor will they have paved drive/walkways. This is also the case at many "historical sites" like mansions and gardens with terraces. Rolling hills of vineyards can also be problematic, choppy dirt pathways in parks can be too narrow and uneven, it is almost impossible to get a scooter or walker to be usable on sand...you get the picture.

If you found a great venue that only has a few steps here and there such as an entrance into the front door of a historic home, or a small stairway to get from the back deck to ground level do not be hesitant to ask your venue director if they have ramps. Often, they will have them or can provide them at little to no charge. You can also rent ramps from several companies or build them yourself depending on the need. At the venue we chose, anyone can gain access to the reception tent from ground level and a wheelchair can be pushed to the grassy area where we will hold our ceremony. If anyone who happens to be using a walker does not want to walk on the grass, they can remain on the back patio and can see/hear us just fine.

House Ideas

Bathrooms can be another problem that a lot of couples might not initially consider. We had a very difficult time with this issue when we first started planning. Almost none of the local barn venues had bathrooms on site at all. They all required couples to rent either standard port-o-potties or luxury bath trailers. Neither of which are handicapped accessible. Another problem we found at a few venues was they often had a single bath on the main floor that was large enough for a wheelchair, but all the other baths were upstairs or in an outbuilding. This is all fine and dandy unless you have two or more people with walkers who need to use the bathroom at the same time or have people who cannot do stairs very well. Several bathrooms at historic homes also only have dinky half-baths available; so if someone needs to change a baby they cannot really do it in the bathroom either.

Luckily, the venue we chose has two bathrooms on the main level with one being handicapped accessible and three on the upper level. There is also a small room with a banquette if someone needs to change a baby. While the bathroom situation can be tricky if you are utilizing an unconventional venue or a venue that was not originally set up to host large parties, typically if you have one handicapped accessible bathroom you will be just fine. That way, even if you had to rent additional portable restrooms anyone who might be in a wheelchair can have bathroom on site.

Italian Lakes Weddings

Thinking of having an open-air wedding? Yes, they are quite lovely and it allows everyone to take in the beautiful sites without being obstructed by tent poles. But what if it is hot, and I mean really hot? Or what if the sun is blinding, as in you honestly cannot look at anything because you are squinting so hard? I have seen many weddings on Four Weddings where the guest-brides are complaining how stifling it is as you see sweat rolling down their brows. Yes, most people can suck it up for 20 minutes while they sit in the sun for a ceremony, but most elderly people cannot do this at all.

I have two uncles on medication that forbids them from being in the direct sun or even getting slightly overheated. My grandmother is another person who cannot get too hot or she will have issues. I am one of those people who cannot see squat in the direct sun without sunglasses so I made sure for our outdoor ceremony that we will be shaded by trees. At least if it is warm, no one will be left to bake in the sun! Since my reception is also being held outside I made sure if for some reason it ends up being 90 degrees in October (which is entirely possible for Indiana) that if anyone gets too hot, they can go inside the air conditioned home for comfort. This is just something to keep in mind. Also minding that no couple should be expected to accommodate everyone, but this is more of a common sense thing. If people get too hot (old or young), they will drink more - sometimes that more drinking means more alcohol is being consumed. It also might make people leave early if there is no reprieve from the heat. However, if an elderly person gets too hot and there is no relief, they will almost always just leave the event prematurely.

Balanced Healthy Life

Thinking of having a taco truck instead of a plated meal at your wedding? What about having catering brought in from your favorite Thai restaurant? What about having authentic jambalaya with tons of creole seasoning? While all these options would be AMAZING and I would be super exited if I was a wedding guest and had these food options, your guests might not be as thrilled. This is especially true for older guests.

I am not speaking for everyone obviously, but there are many older people in my family who would never in their lives eat anything like Pad Thai, Tandoori chicken, or anything that looked or sounded "foreign". There are also several older members of my family who cannot eat anything spicy because of stomach issues or medications they are taking. Again, like the issue I brought up with sun and heat, you must think not all 150 of your guests will be thrilled with whatever menu you choose. Just be mindful that everyone might not be able to eat the main course if you pick something spicy. The best way to avoid an issue of this sort is to offer more than one entree option, and make sure you have plenty of sides that people can eat if they are not keen on the main course. Generally speaking, if you want to do something unique and have exotic food you might want to have a simple pasta bar available as well for anyone who does not want or cannot eat your fun food choice. Pasta is generally a "neutral" food that almost everyone can eat.

Adult Medication

The last thing I want to touch base on are medications and attendants for elders. If you have a guest who is in hospice care or needs to have an attendant or nurse come with them, make sure you add them to your guest list! Obviously, they too will need to eat and be accommodated the whole day.

Forget about your cousin bringing an uninvited boyfriend as a "plus one". If you forget that Aunt Bernice needs her nurse with her, you will have to find somewhere to seat the nurse - without question or hesitation. This could also throw off your painstakingly arranged seating chart as well, which might be a HUGE problem if you are pinched for seating anyway. The same holds true for service animals. They too need a "seat" next to their owner at the table.

If you have someone at your wedding who is on a lot of medications (primarily painkillers) that will need to be taken throughout the day/evening, you might need to designate someone who is trusted to remind or dole out these medications if they do not have a nurse with them. More importantly, the security of medications is tantamount. If you think having security is a priority for your card box you might want to see if someone can guard medications as well. I have known people who had their cards not only stolen, but they were rifled through, opened, had the gift card removed, then resealed. Sadly, a lot of venue workers are very keen on this and are amazingly dishonest. If they are well versed on the "card tricks" they are also known to seek out elders as targets because so many carry medications in their purses.

I would not EVER consider my purse being "safe" at a coat check. Sorry, I know some attendants go through the bags and steal. I also know that it is not uncommon for pills and needles to go missing either. I always guard my purse with my life; I will even carry it to walk through a buffet line at a wedding. However, older people tend to be not as suspecting and will leave a bag unattended at a table. It only takes seconds for a waitress to open a bag and steal a bottle of pills or money while she is refilling a water. If you think this might be an issue at your venue, seriously consider hiring your own security. I am not by any means saying that elders cannot hold their own, because believe me they can! It is just extremely common for people to target elders for a multitude of reasons - they often carry medications, cash instead of cards, checks, and they might not notice if anything is missing right away, etc.